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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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I think I have been the victim of a psychopath and I feel terrible,

Resolved Question:

I think I have been the victim of a psychopath and I feel terrible, What can I do/
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, sorry to hear of your struggle. I am available to assist you. Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If one is the victim of a psychopath that makes for "terrible making" feelings.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Would you be willing to tell me a bit more about your experience?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank you for posting your question today. I'm glad you could join me for a live chat. Be sure and hit reply when you are done typing.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you still with me? It shows you are typing, but wondered if you were having trouble with the live chat. Of course you are in shock. This sort of revelation can cause great shock, may feel a bit surreal, like it can not be true.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If I do not get a reply from you I will switch to the question answer format. It does not allow a live chat but we can correspond back and forth. It showed you joined the live chat about 25 minutes ago. I'm sorry if this is causing trouble for you.

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Jean and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I had such alot to tell you and I had nearly finished

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Pat,
Please share any additional information you may have. I'm sorry for the trouble with the live chat. If you continue to have trouble, please contact customer service and they can assist you and offer a refund if you'd like. I look forward to corresponding with you if we can make it work.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Hi are you getting this

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Yes
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok basically I was trying to tell you the background but it is so long. I am well educated and intelligent but I fell hard for this attractive guy who is higly sexed but goes off afterwards and won't talk. This has been going on for 6 years and he has told me to find a good man as he has a men tal illness. Do psychos know they haveproblems

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Does a psychopath have insight, hmmm. You may also be experiencing someone who is narcissistic and if so, they have a high opinion of them self, and would likely not see it as "having problems" it would be someone else that had the problem.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Well he is always talking about his problems but seems unable to explain them apart from he might have aspergers. He is unsympathetic and doesn't understand others view. He has been in prison for 5 years for the rape of his stepdaughter but has always says he is innocent

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
Yikes, those are some pretty serious charges. Part of me wants to tell you to run as fast as you can. You have know this man for a long time. He has charmed you, pulled you in, and now you are reeling from all of this. Part of aspergers disorder is a lack of insight into others, lacks the natural social skills most of us have. Has he left the relationship or are you considering leaving? It does sound like you have fallen hard for him. That makes it difficult to make decisions because of the feelings you have for him.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

He always said he could not have a relationship with anyone and that we were special friends. I do not see him very often as he always makes excuses and I never know where he is, He says he doesn't have sex with anyone else bcause of his conviction and he is scared . He likes kinky sex he says and quite often wants me to wear stockings. I feel really stupid but he is in my head. Lat week I went to his house for a surprise and at first he was cross and then went really nice so I stayed over and the next morning he told me he had a ladyfriend for about 2 or 3 years and thy just talked for hours but he liked her and then he said he liked me and the sex. I don't know what is true but think he was trying to hurt me as he doesn't like not being in control and me going round, What do you think

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
That is very hurtful to you. Telling you he has a lady friend for 2-3 years, that he likes her but likes you and the sex, is insensitive and hurtful. You will have to decide if you can be in a relationship where someone is involved with two people. You deserve more in a relationship and this must really hurt you. It does sound like he "wants his cake and eat it too", wanting to have a girl who he likes to talk to for hours, and you who he sees as special and likes the sex. He was cross that you went to his home, because it wasn't his plan, or he wasn't in control. I think you hit it right on, he seeks the control in situations and in relationships. This is hurtful and he sound insensitive to this. He probably doesn't like to be challenged and is upset that you may have questions. You have some difficult decisions to make. Giving it some time, and seeing how things progress is okay. If he's willing to talk more about it that may help you to process and try to understand this. Here is a good link for more information about diagnosis- like aspergers and psychopath. A good resource to sort out symptoms and diagnosis is psych central web site. Here is a link. Psychopath would be under personality disorder link. http://psychcentral.com/
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok thanks but I am worried about myself as I feel very stressed and upset. I lent him some money for a car and he still owes me £1000. He has said that since last week he doesn't want much contact in the future but he will pay money back as and when but I think it will be a long time. He has said he is sorry and that it is all his fault. He said he just wanted no strings sex. I'm not sure he does have a lady friend or that he was just trying to hurt me for going round, What do you think? I am worried about the money as it is a link. I know I don't deserve this but think I am addicted to him. Can I get some sort of help do you think and do you think he will be back?

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
I do believe you will need a lot of support to recover from this. Like you said addicted, like a drug. It will feel like a withdrawal. I'm sorry he has hurt you so, you do not deserve this. It sounds like you have been there for him to a fault, maybe, and you get hurt in the process. Not so sure you will see the money that he owes you. You can get help for this. You've been hurt, and will need support from a good friend, or consider counseling. http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com/ This is a link for help for one who has been in a relationship with a psychopath/narcissist. It will be a long and tough recovery, it is for anyone in this situation. Do not hesitate to reach out for others when it is a struggle. When you have that "craving" or urge to seek him out, when you know you should not, or that it will only hurt you more.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you.I am very hurt. Could you just tell me if it is me or would he.. be like that with anyone. My self esteem has taken a massive knock. He has always said I am good and kind and has many times said he doesn't want sex with me cos it makes him feel bad And he has tried to end it and then comes back - I think when he wants sex. Do you think there is something wrong with me as normally I am a sane and strong person. I was vulnerable when I met having just gone thru a divorce. Do you think he is capable of a normal relationship with anyone?

Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.
I can with great conviction tell you it is not you, it is about the type of person he is, and the kind sensitive, loyal, and good women he sinks his teeth into. A man like this tends to "scope out" a vulnerable woman. Again, I am sorry you fell victim to this. He may be back but get the support you need to become stronger, to protect yourself from further harm. Of course it hurts your self worth, that is to be expected. Because you are so kind and good, it hurts all the more. You feel that's why you hurt. I'm not so sure he's capable of a "normal" relationship. Many bright, beautiful women fall for a man like this- because he is so good at what he does- charm others, lure them in, hooks you. Best wishes on your journey to recovery. Take the best care of you!!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your help

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