I am a step mother of an 11yr old girl, Bella, who is the daughter of a narcissist and the middle child of three (two other sisters, 14 and 9). We came together three and a half years ago and the children are only with us two evenings a week for dinner and then every other weekend.
Bella has always been extremely insecure and does not cope well with change in which right now, her mother and mother's boyfriend have built a new home and their two families are coming together (he has two children, 18 and 20). Due to this transition, it required a change of school and school system (public to catholic) only due to the location of the home.
Recently I have noticed Bella starting to be more aggressive in behaviour to her nine yr. old sister in hitting/hurting and even being verbal abusive, not cooperative and defient in every way. Both my husband and I have intervened during the times when bad behaviour witnessed and reinforced that her behaviour is unacceptable and try to reinforce the times of good behaviour. As well, she is not adjusting at her new school and the teacher recommended outside assistance with math and reading. Surprisingly, the mother agreed to get her help so her and my husband have registered her in a program outside of school to assist her in math right now. We do hope this will bolster her confidence and offer further routine which she so desperately seems to need.
Last night while here for a visit, she was extremely hyper and when we tried to calm her, her explanation of her behaviour was, "I'm ADD
you know". We were on our way out the door to an event so we could not discuss why the comment but when they return next weekend, my husband will sit her down to discuss why she said that to understand further but we are concerned the mother has labelled her this. Between a narcissistic mother and all the changes in her life, I am worried with the increased aggressive behaviour and feel Bella really would benefit from a psychologist's help and my husband agrees. Our dilemma though is that the mother is difficult to say the least (she has primary custody so my husband has no rights to direction of the children; only can offer recommendation) and if she does not agree, would it be beneficial for us to seek guidance through a psychologist to help Bella and the other two childern as best as we can?