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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5798
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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about a month ago my wife told me she doesnt love me and hasnt

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about a month ago my wife told me she doesn't love me and hasn't for a number of years in fact since our first child was born 5 years ago. In that time we have got married and had another child. We have in the last couple of months moved into a family home so there was no sign of this. We've had our ups and downs, like any couple Before our first child was born, she lost her dad, that hit her really bad, she's had issues with her family since, which I know brings her down. She has an under active thyroid, (which she had medication for) and after moving in to our family home she now tells me she wants to be by herself. I believe she is depressed, but she denies it. She does seem her normal self when she is with friends and family but distant when she is with me.We are due to see our doctor, but she says things won't change. Any advice or help
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is very possible that your wife is depressed. It is very unlikely that she just stopped loving you when your first child was born. It may have been a difficult change for her or her attention and ability to be there for the children and to maintain a connection with you was too much. Many women experience difficulty after children are born just because of the enormous emotional and physical strain put on them from the demands of motherhood and marriage. So instead of coping with it, they move away emotionally.

In addition to the adjustments of motherhood, all of the losses she suffered over the years could have contributed to how she feels. Sometimes several losses or stressors in a short period of time will cause the person to feel overwhelmed with grief and become stuck. Along with the loss, your wife also has a physical issue which is known to create emotional symptoms.

It sounds like your wife and you might benefit from counseling. Seeing your doctor is a good idea. When you do, ask for a referral to a counselor. Talking to someone outside of the situation can help you and your wife sort out what might be the cause of how she feels. The counselor can also help you to reconnect and for your wife to discover her feelings for you again. In the meanwhile, try to be gentle with her and offer to be there for her. Give her emotional space but also make sure she knows you are there if she does need support or wants to talk. That way, she will be able to work out her feelings and see if there is a way to reconnect with you.

I hope this has helped you,
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks kate, one thing I forgot to mention is we still sleep in the same bed together despite having the room to sleep separate, plus she doesn't want to tell parents just yet. Does that really sound like someone who wants to be by them self, but in her mind its over and we split after xmas.

It does not sound like someone who wants to split, I agree. When someone wants to go, they usually make it happen as quickly as possible and regardless of what others think or say. Hopefully, she will take time to work out her feelings and try to make a go of her relationship with you.


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