People with a fear of abandonment often find themselves unable to confront angry feelings. So instead of facing them head on they shut down. When faced in conflict, they go into protection mode from the hurt of others. They interpret conflict as highly uncomfortable. Abandonment causes one to not have the conflict skills necessary to resolve conflict. These skills have to be learned to replace skills that you have taken on in an effort to deal with your partner. When we don't have positive skills we develop negative skills. used over and over they become part of our personality. Because of the pain of abandonment, we are so uncomfortable that we will take on any skill we can to avoid or minimize conflict.
Counseling is necessary if you want to improve your marriage and change your way of resolving conflict. You may try marriage counseling so that the interaction between the two of you improves. This is different than individual counseling to work on yourself. You will be able to resolve conflict better if you know how to communicate. Communication may be poor and this is hindering your marriage. If you want a cute self help guide try to get a copy of Mars and Venus in a Committed Relationship.
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Hello, thank you for your quick reply. I understand completely what your saying. I feel that the counsellor is only scratching the surface of the problems im having and i have made an appointment to see my gp soon to see if i need further help like a psycologist to really get deep into what's going on in my head. Do you think this a sensible idea or should i stick to the counselling?