Not sure what to do, my wife and I have been married for 13 years. We dated off and on for 9 years prior to that. My issue is this she has cheated on me twice. Both instances were prior to us being married. I feel I have forgiven her, but for me it is now and has been a trust issue. It seems as if we are locked into a recurring cycle. Were we are doing good with things, and for a lack of a better way of wording it have a normal relationship. then we slowly cycle back into troubled waters. Meaning she shuts me out, she loses interest in sex, starts keeping things from me. Working late with no calls to let me know she'll be in late. She also shuts me out emotionally as well. To be honest, during the rough times I get treated like a room mate that she shares a bed with. During these times, she's goes from compliments and normally nice daily conversations to nearly everything i do is wrong, not helpful, or angers her. As I said this has been a recurring pattern since we started living together. I am always the one that finally speaks up and breaks the current bad side of the cycle. We always go through the same rigmarole, with my wife making excuses for her behavior. These excuses range from blaming me, to not remembering and or flat out delaying issues. Or like the lack of intimacy or lack of emotional engagement. I have heard everything from it's my fault to "I have no idea why", leaving me questioning things. Four and half years ago, things were as bad as they have ever been. We hadn't been intimate in almost 9 months when one day while getting in the passenger side of her SUV to go out to a family function. I noticed a stain on the headliner above the passenger seat. The stain was not there the last time I was in the vehicle (4 or 5 days prior). So before she started the SUV up I pointed it out and asked WTH it was from. As she stated to answer she looked up to see what I was talking about. Her face went from normal to blank. She said she had no idea what it was from. As I went touch the stain grayishh to clear and sort of flakey looking elongated spot" I thought she was going to come out of her skin, as she shouted not to touch it. Needless to say we didn't make it to the family function. We had a hugediscussionn, where I asked her if she had been cheating, she said no, but keptapologizingg. When I would ask her what she wasapologizingg for. Her answer over and over again was she didn't know. Not knowing how or what to do, we both agreed to startmarriageecounselingg. The following day I decided to order a psa test to test the stain forsemenn. I placed the order while at work the following day only to come home to find out she cleaned the entire vehicle with a bissle carpet cleaner. Not just the headliner but the entire SUV. Seats, carpet, and headliner. I'll say this the vehicle wasn't ever this clean, not even the day we bought it. I was ratherspeechlesss, when i questioned her she replied "what all i did was clean up my truck". Left with no answers and no means of getting them. I stuck with pushing for getting to themarriagee counselor, which took about three months to make happen. To mysurprisee when we start taking with the counselor she claims to have nomemoryy of the stain or cleaning it with ourcarpett cleaner. She also claims to have notapologizedd repeatedly nearly an hour with noexplanationn other that she didn't know what she wasapologizingg for. So with no proof of aninfidelityty I decide to work through our issues and make the best of things for my son, and so I didn't lose everything I own. Per normal once I drawl the line in the sand things quickly return to normal, and we have a productive and normalish relationship again. So much so we even decide to have a second child two years laterFast wardrd to today, we are back into the downward spiral. I have started trying to talk with her. And am being met with resistance like usual. She'lconcedead to being overlnegativevetowardds me and not alwayconsideringng my feeling. But denies the emotional and intimacy disengagement. I am feeling stuckdiscussionsns seem to go next to no where. And even when I feel like there has been progress made it followed by excuses and blaming me. I am at mwitsts end I love her, and I love my kids. I don't know what to do any more. I feel as if i am stuck in this doomed to crash and be reborn relationship. Add to that when things get bad and she has distanced her self from me. I fall into a rut oparanoiaia were I find my self questioning her loyalty and love for me. Is the answer to go back to counseling? If so are there pointers for fixing things?