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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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I am an absolute train wreck right now. My marriage is failing/failed.

Resolved Question:

I am an absolute train wreck right now. My marriage is failing/failed. I live in a new town now. I'm lonely, depressed, I can't control alcohol. I want to meet people but when I go out I drink and then try to get a cheap lay and then feel awful about trying. I've only separated from my wife a couple of weeks ago but the first thing I wanted was a lay with a stranger. I've called the local mental health center and am waiting for a call back to schedule an initial interview. I feel good about taking that step but it is hard to be patient when I've built up to make that call and then get routed through the automated call system and eventually to voicemail. All I have is my work now--my performance level is falling, and a cheap apartment in a town where I only know people who are shared friends with my wife and I find it impossible to talk to them plainly about what I'm going through.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I am available to assist you. Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are grieving, and I'm sure are looking from some relief from the pain.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sorry for the loss of your marriage, it is like a death

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Those things you describe resorting to such as sex and alcohol are temporary fixes, and then only become part of the problem- as I'm sure you know.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You've taken a big step in making the phone call for support and help to cope with this- support is what you need most.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Posting your comments today is also a healthy way to take the steps to get on the right track.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you interested in a live chat?

Customer:

Yeah, I'm sorry. I finally got around to feeling like eating and had to tend to the stove for a moment.

Customer:

Thank you for this

Customer:

It is grieving only the person is not gone.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank you for joining the chat. A guy needs to eat!! Good sign to have an appetite. I think you have done a good thing in reaching out for the support you need.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Exactly, almost worse than a death- because the "casket" keeps popping back up

Customer:

In two weeks I've been out of control drunk 3 times. If I even mentioned that to my family it would do more harm to them in the form of worry than I could gain benefit from their support.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You may feel very alone in this- sadly divorce is way to common- it's painful. When we commit in a relationship it is never the plan to divorce.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You sound like you don't want to "burden" your family, you may really need them in a time like this.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The alcohol is self destructive- are you punishing yourself for something- blame yourself or just drowning your sorrows?

Customer:

I've been off and on with alcohol most of my life. The first drink is always well intentioned, just to get out there and try to meet people. I'm now at a point where I can barely open my mouth to start a dialogue until I'm three pints in. Then it's all downhill from there.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You don't want to hurt your family- however, hurting yourself will hurt them in the end too. Being with your family does not mean you have to share all- just being "with" them can bring some comfort- call on the phone.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

As the years go on, even with binge drinkers it tends to progress, and being vulnerable right now you are seeking out an "old friend" in the alcohol- some relief, comfort. It would make sense that is what you turn to but....

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The drinking and casual sex is a fix, a way to numb for a bit, but then becomes part of the problem with the guilt and shame you feel.

Customer:

No doubt. It's tough to kick though. I haven't even wanted a drink today, still feeling a bit off from a drunk last night. But when I'm feeling physically better, its as though I've forgotten what a miserable bag of meat I turn out to be.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Reaching out tonight is a good thing- it shows you want to be healthy, find a better way to cope- asking for help- great first step my friend. You are a good person no matter what has happened, more than anything you need to find the support you need to heal in a better, more healthy way.

Customer:

Agreed, and thank you again. I really needed some reciprocation having decided to get some help.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You do not need to punish yourself- you need to feel the feelings, recognize the loss, hurt, sadness etc. vs. drown them- they will come up over and over until you give the emotions validation, acknowledge, feel those emotions. Things can get better if you reach out, find someone, like a counselor, to talk to.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

There is hope- I assure you- light after this darkness!

Customer:

Thank you

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you do not hear back from the health center, please call them back- take care!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are welcome- let me know if I can help again. Nice to chat with you!

Customer:

And with you. Goodnight.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you would be so kind to rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credit.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Goodnight

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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Jean
Jean
Psychotherapist
332 Satisfied Customers
Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)