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Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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I have been depressed for a long time (2+ years) and am still

Resolved Question:

I have been depressed for a long time (2+ years) and am still finding it hard to stop ruminating about things, I have had some benefit from mindfulness and CBT. I also have a relationship issue that I need advice on
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 2 years ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Ask Eleanor :

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling with depression. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have worked with clients with relationship issues for 20 years. Tell me the issues in the relationship about which you need advice.

Customer: Hi, I have been seeing a girl for 2.5 years now and am putting pressure on myself to propose to her. The problem is that I go between really hot and cold on her. Sometimes i even get angry with her. I'm afraid that ill be making the wrong decision.
Customer: Sometimes I think that she is more into the relationship than I am. I'm afraid that I would do something stupid like have an affair.
Customer: I've told a couple of people that I am going to propose in the new year. This is really scaring me!
Ask Eleanor :

Hi, I am reading your response now.

Ask Eleanor :

Do you love her?

Customer: I feel quite guilty about this as it feels like I am leading her on.
Customer: I don't know. Sometimes it feels like I do, sometimes not.
Customer: I think I suffer a lot from 'the grass is greener' effect
Ask Eleanor :

I understand. Are you in therapy?

Customer: No, I thought about going but it is really difficult with my work schedule.,
Ask Eleanor :

In my professional opinion, you need to be in therapy. I would not propose yet. You need to work through your own commitment issues first. Therapy would also greatly help with your depression.

Ask Eleanor :

By therapy, I mean psychotherapy. Would you like me to recommend therapists for you?

Customer: Do you think that by proposing it would make me face my fear?
Customer: Yeah if you could recommend that would be great. Would I need to see them in person or could I do it online?
Ask Eleanor :

No, I don't think proposing will help right now. You need to see someone in person. What is your city and zip code?

Customer: I live in Dublin
Ask Eleanor :

Oh, sorry, I see you are in Ireland. Just a moment and I will get you some information.

Customer: Do you think this is normal to feel this way? What do I tell my friends if I do not go through with it? It will look really bad. That makes me feel worse.
Ask Eleanor :

http://www.psychotherapy-ireland.com/ You may search for therapists where you live on this site. Yes, fear of commitment is very common. And you do not want to propose simply to make your friends approve. You need to propose when you are ready.

Customer: Sometimes I think I am deluded for thinking that there's someone who would suit me better. I broke off a long term relationship before because of the same feeling and I think that's how I started feeling depressed.
Ask Eleanor :

Well, usually these commitment stem from our childhoods. Therapy can help you work through them so that they do not impact you current relationships.

Customer: How long would the therapy last for?
Ask Eleanor :

That is hard to say, but now more than a few months.

Customer: Ok thankyou
Ask Eleanor :

You are very welcome. My pleasure. Please remember to submit a positive rating if you are satisfied with my answer. I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX Eleanor

Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience: Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years