My name is XXXXX XXXXX X am the Moderator for this topic.Steve Olson is not available right now, but I have sent him a message to follow up with you here, when he comes back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience!
I worry about you. You are in a demanding job; ready to have a baby and work a shift that is more for gremlins than people. It is no wonder you fall asleep so much, but in the car, well...that is scary.
I know you will miss your friends. That is normal and expected. Even though the folks there are a bit on the abnormal side, they are still good people (most of them) and try. I am none too thrilled to hear that you were insulted by Chris. Slow? Did she mean as in movement, because you are anything but that in intellect. I would find it shocking to hear that anyone thought of you as anything but a bright light. Half the time you end up telling the doctors what to do.
Moody? You could never use the people you work with as a meter for "moody". They are among the craziest people I have heard described and moods there go from baseline to nuts in seconds. I find it interesting that anyone would describe you as moody as all one would have to do there to find "moody" is to look up a doctor or rn. I really do not think it's you.
What should you do about Jen? I think you have an easy out. It is too close to the delivery and you are too physically miserable to tolerate it and it is just too much. Seriously I would not subject yourself to all of that agony. Why put yourself through another Jen show when you have enough on your plate? And mommy and me...its is mommy and me, not obligation and me. Kate really will not care. Take care of you. I know that is a radical concept but please do. You are worth it. Steven
hi steve. these last 24 hrs have been chock full of interaction.
i did work triage except we were short and it was super busy with crazy shit that i wont get into too much detail.
alot of abuse victims.
anyway. i ran most of the night. terri n rose both called sick along with another nurse.
i said goodbye to people n felt kind of... sad. i dont think it will be the last time i see them but it felt very weird.
i didnt speak to dr a at all. score.
dr b - we did say goodbye n he hugged me tight. like he was getting a cheap feel (no seriously.) he came at me arms wide open in the closed area of the er and squeezed me tight. i felt my breasts very much pressed against him almost - well maybe more embarassingly so. of course my abd is high and hard and he had to feel that too..
he had such a grip on me he had control of it and until he let go - a few moments later, i was not under my own free will. i did say get a nice feel?
he said yes.
i said i dont understand u. i thought u dont like pregnancy. he said im friends with preg women. i shrugged n moved on with my life. he said now that im not working i shud go out to hang with him. n just b/c im 9 months preg doesnt mean i cant. he said hell call 2 other preg women hes frienfds with and well all go.
i said ur weirder than i thought.
he told me stay in touch lets hang out after etc etc, i told him he can see the baby. he said ok. like he seemed like he would. he told me that he is seeing kristen the pa again (the ex) and things seem stable and i said look u shud be having a party with any1 ur with at this point. cuz shit diapers arent a party. just then as if on cue i got a real text from rob apologizing to me that after i go to the dr i wud come home today to a bed full of kates vomit. he said she freaked out n he calmed her n changed her but that made him already late n cud i deal with vomit bed? i said yes of course. n told dr b. he said well he had to leave 4 work. i said yeah im not mad. but vomit bed isnt all trips to vegas and romance now is it? just saying. i wudnt trade rob n kate for the world. n ill even take vomitbed. but itd have been nice not to have vomitbed... like if rob got me roses..
oh and when dr b heard the baby was so big he said.. oh so youll be coming back in a bikini then?
i stopped to see peter before i left n i said hey peter wanted to say bye its y last day and he said it is? i said what r u ? my husband? u dotn listen to a f**king thing i say!
peter laughed so hard he turned red along with other asst staff that was there. he kissed me on the cheek n asked when i was due i told him n he said wow. n i admitted that i lied n told leo he said i shud be in triage and he said thats fine.
i told him i felt the babys leg hanging out last nite but im so dedicated i shoved it back in so i can work my last night. he again laughed to the point of choking and he wished me good luck. i asked when to let him know for my return and he said oh call me the week before, i said ill call earlier than that so u can make the schedule.. n ill call to say i had the baby. he asked what i was having n i said aboy- and that i had a baby girl already who 2 1/2 half and he said oh.
i hd interupted a bitch fest going on of 2 day shift nurses who were complaining about that educator who kept calling me colleen - that there were 2 codes going on n rachel pulled several people from diff areas to deal with the emergencies b/c she didnt know what she was doing.
i got out of there. i hate mean girls stuff.
i ran into kim on the way out n she was marveling at how stupid jen is and how she cant stand her n her kids...
oh favorite offensive joke ive heard recently... a guys pickup line that i told to a nurse at work rob - a guy says to a girl in a club look, i like u, lets not make this rape into a murder.... rob died laughing saying he loved it.. n so did the trauma nurse who took care of me she said oh my god liz.. i said yeah i kinda love it too...
so let me ask u another question. do u think its possible that i could cont bringing kate to the same mommy n me group n distance myself with kate away from cassie n jen? like no lunch afterwards? n possibly not doing playdates? like other diff ones?
btw jens making me crazy with texts - supposedly im signed up for a cookie playdate where we decorate cookies. well u know i dont have any food in my house b/c by the time we got power back it was sun afternoon late n i didnt food shop. well i did sign up for the playdate but i was too late - i made a waiting list. so i didnt hear anything more n said f**k that. too busy now. well jen says im on the original playdate n they need to know what im bringing - can i bring orange spray frosting n fall decorative sprinkles n tube of sugar cookies? now steve i feel like saying u know like... i have no f**king food n im in complete disarray along with 10 days from my due date.
now if i knew jen was in my situation id say look just come. dont worry about bringing anything n id just buy stuff to cover her when i bought mine. n not even mention it. if she said oh crap i didnt bring, id say i covered u dont worry. end of story.
i mean its $10 tops.
she argued with me via text til i said ill send u the email i got (of course i cudnt find it but i threw it out there as a bluff..) i mean wtf does she want from me? im drowning here. im not asking for help or pity. just back the f**k off me. i told her i planned on getting stuff done to prepare for the baby.
she called me on both home phone n cell. i didnt ans.
rob came home and kate was crying (this is after his mother called me to wake me up - to thank me for my thank you present for staying at their house. i bought them a new set of everyday glasses as they somehow have none. they have every disney dvd...) so we went to target to get a few things n i bought them that and all new cutting boards.
she said oh sorry for waking you up...
im starting to hate people really. she knows im sleeping n she cudnt just call the next day.
well kates full on hysterical - not temper tantrum hysterical, like in pain hysterical. her legs are straight out and rigid and shes arching her back.
she wont talk to us and she wont come to me.
she wants rob. so i say to him you know why is it everytime she comes back from your parents i go thru all the bullshit she wont sleep ses crying shes screaming. explain this to me. so he says can we deal with the problem ar hand? so i said yeah im tired of dealing with the problem at hand n then forgetting about the bigger picture of shes all f**ked up when she comes back. i keep hitting kate with questions n she tells me her vagina hurts. i look at rob and say i wonder why the f**k that is? i ask if shell go on the potty and she says yes, its not in the bathroom rob says its in the car. except its not. shes afraid of the reg toilet and shes just screaming i tell her pee in your diaper its ok, and shes inconsolable. rob tells me shes f**ked up from my parents and my mom pretends to be nice and then is f**king her up behind closed doors when no1 is around like she did to me and he thinks b/c she had alot of bowel movements on tue at my parents she shamed her. and he wont have her f**ked up the way i am. of course i tell rob that i think his brother or father have molested her b/c ive been worried about it and now look at where we are. rob storms from the house b/c the pottys not in the car n hes going to walmart to buy a new princess potty. kates screaming n im trying to comfort her and she tells me her butt hurts. i check n i see nothing wrong with it. i ask if she needs to poop n she says yes, and she did a reg soft stool and i hold her n calm her n then buy the movie brave on demand to let her calm down to.
he comes back to kate calmly lying there. he says nothing and gets in the shower n essentially doesnt speak to me. he left this am, i slept on the couch as i woke up in alot of pain from being uncomfortable despite taking 50mg of benadryl trying to knock myself out so i get some sleep esp since i had no lunch or dinner. today im supposed to see the hi risk ob and we have a sono to check the weight etc and supposedly my reg ob will tell me more 2morrow.
i told rob on mon oh were supposed to go this afternoon at 5pm- n hes supposed to meet me there. of course since im not speaking to him im not reminding him b/c hey its his kid too n he could remember on his own. just like no 1 reminds me to go to all these tests n visits n sonos.
and why does he need me to tell him again? i told him when i made the appt n reminded him mon. if he gives a shit i wud think he wud remember. i have the feeling you will disagree with that logic, but im so mad i dont really care.
OK. u were right tmm sent a hi message. i didnt see it it was this am, i didnt ans...
I didn't think my fantastic psych background had anything to do with predicting TMM and his contacting you. He is as steady as Old Faithful...and he will continue to be predictable with contacting you for many years to come. You are a major pathology for him and he cannot get rid of this easily. Let's face it. You are his addiction.
I know that saying goodbye to your coworkers is not an easy thing. And even though it is not really a goodbye it is a closing of a chapter of your life. When you see them next you will be in a new part of your life, a new part that was not there before, a new child and a new identity as a mother of two. This does have some serious emotional power to it and would make you feel odd. Good thing you did not see dr a. Hey, at least you had that going for you on the last day.
Dr b, that pervert. (you knew he was like this anyway...I am surprised that you didn't think he was going to do something like that.) He does need to violate an occasional boundary. But you know. It is just him. And, I know he is your friend and will remain so. His only real serious flaw is that fantasy he has about his ex becoming stable.
How romantic. That Rob. He really can charm you. Vomit on the bed as a positive message; nice. That, combined with all the other stress must make you feel so wonderful. Talk about a charmer. (seriously what did he expect you to do about this?) Was this simply a warning? Like hey, Kate threw up, good luck with that. Why didn't he clean that up again?
I have to admit you still got it. The lines you said to Peter were stellar! That was so funny. It made a great point but did so in a humorous way that still made him look oblivious, which he is. Nice work!
Your question: I am not sure you will like my response. I really think it would be difficult to go back to the same class and act distant or reserved with Jen. If you do it might make you seem rather rude. I am uncertain if you could even do this with her personality as she is very intrusive. Truth: New methods work best when given new starts. A different class would be best. However, this is, as always, your choice. But that is my opinion.
I think Jen is simply a mild bully. She wants what she wants when she wants it. If you agree to her demands it makes her win a bit. I would not let that happen. You went through a huge mess with the storm. You had no electric and you are literally on birth's doorstop. You are in no condition deal with her demands about anything, cheap, expensive or otherwise. I would ignore her big time. She is being pathological.
I read this situation with Kate and Rob and the whole pain thing with her. I agree that something is going on at mom's house that is probably related to emotional pressure. She is acting like it. And, given all her post pressure emotional reactions that seems to point in this direction of emotional issues being laid on her. I do not get an abuse vibe, but I do feel that she is struggling with issues related to possible shame and insecurity. She is classically acting in that way.
But with all you have been through, as the truth: There is a time for all things. This is not the time to bring up this issue, at least not for a little while. The stress of recent day is so evident with all the family right now and you all need a respite. Ignoring issues is not a typically good idea, but here and now...especially with this issue, that is not a bad idea. Rob will come around. I am not defending him, just recognizing his stress level and responses too. Steven
hey steve. so apparently preg hormones have kicked in. i cant stop crying. i went to the hi risk ob and he said the babys 9 lb 6 oz. so im like ok when can we end this?
he said when u go into labor. i said uh.. can we schedule an induction for like mon?
and he said no its dangerous with such a big baby we can rupture your uterus. (i was very afraid of rupturing with kate.. but i thought kate was 8 1/2 lbs not 9lb 4oz.) so he said how dilated are you? i said im not.
ive tried to explain to them i never dilate. i walked around with a dead baby for 3 weeks n still didnt start to lose it.
either way the hi risk said theres no reason to induce or schedule a c section. my being uncomfortable or the baby too big isnt a reason. im sorry. good luck. ill tell dr k. (reg ob) he said if i go past my due date ill prob be c sectioned but that wud be dr ks discretion n id have to go back to the hi risk for yet another sono.
rob said nothing and just put his arm around me and i was crying. i told him im not going to any more appts this a waste of time really. i go and theres nothing. oh the babys bigger. really asshole? i cudve told u that. this is modern medicine?
i felt like the hi risk saying good luck was like well bye good luck with that. like sux for u...
im worried of course that the baby will be in trouble n big babies like that (he said the baby could be up to 11lbs now.. or as low as 8. but big babies if theyre in trouble breathing literally cant be intubated. ive been at deliveries where the babys cords are so swollen we cant intubate n the baby will die from lack of airway.) n im getting nervous. i feel like of course the drs n nurses will walk away as an oh well n ill have lost my son again. i know that doesnt happen everytime or often - ive only seen it 2x n im a nurse 10 yrs but i also am not at many deliveries to be fair.
of course im concerned i wont make it out ok either n i feel like theyre waiting til im really in trouble. which i dont like. along with everyday i go the babys bigger. n less likely to be out thru a vag delivery. i dont want a c section but if i knew im scheduled n i could avoid the whole labor n not being successful id be ok with that too.
so my reg ob said calll me fri am to talk about what dr n the hi risk said. so i call n i get this rude girl on the phone. n shes like were not going to have the report. i said dr k said specifically said that he knows he wont have the report hes going to call dr n and discuss me. i started to spell my name n she cut me off well i see what he says if he knows about this im sure hell call back (cuz im a liar who makes up fake stories for a middle age bitch whos big career goal was to ans phones in a drs office...? i have nothing else in my life..) and she hung up.
i got $20 he doesnt call back. n when he doesnt wed im going to be really mad. not a little mad.
im at the point i wish i cud find another ob. thats how mad i am.
i know this all sounds irrational to you at this point, but i dont care. rob told me this is what you do. u jump ahead the babys cant breathe and will die b/c they cant intubate.
but i really was in trouble when i delivered kate n not only it wasnt easy, but i worried for months she wud be cerebral palsy due to lack of oxygen. between my low bp for hrs that no 1 cared too much about, n then the code called about the cord around her neck. she was being pushed for 4 1/2 hrs n the cord there. well not a good thing.
so the hi risk said the baby has a big head annd big shoulders. n then he looked at rob sitting there.. 6ft or so n 230lbs. n i said i shudve married a pinhead.
but i didnt think oh his huge freaking head was going to be passed on to our son n it was going to rip me in half. literally.
the hi risk said something about my weight n how its not helping me n i said a 10lb baby plus fluid plus placenta is all of this. i mean really. yeah i wasnt the skinniest bitch before but honestly it isnt the time. i almost said to rob like did he just say im fat? n then he said oh you have to stay active. yeah i forgot that those 12 hr shifts... how i sit n do nothing. i told him i am active im a f**king er nurse. like what do u want from me? n he backed off n said it just will help with your labor im not saying u havent been active n thats why the babys too big. but thats how it sounded really. i mean i dont jog steve i admit it. but all afternoon im going to be doing laundry n dishwasher n putting stuff away from our adventures of being nomads.
im still sick and have lost my voice. im coughing still from that fireplace. i pulled a muscle in my side trying to get up n it hurts so much its just searing pain. kates a boogie machine n blows all over u and cries everytime now. she actually said mommy cant love a boogie baby? i told her it was ok n normal n mommy has it too... n everyone sneezes. just like ive told her everyone urinates and has bowel movements. its all ok.
so tmm. i was absolutely shocked as think its like 6 months hes abstained n i figured he gave up. i cud let his video chat go thru (i hit deny when it pops up..) and be 9 months preg with no makeup. that cud cure his obsession thats for sure.
i dont even think rob loves me anymore after our nice screaming match the other day. oh and bt w i texted him at 330pm n said see u at the appt and of course he didnt remember what time or what.
the vomitbed. i get rob had to leave for work. i wudve done the same. being on time is more important. esp at our jobs. were both new n well thats it. i was just telling dr b like lifes not all like sex toys n mini skirts. ..
ok maybe for him it is. and my life sucks more than i thought.
the thing with his ex annoys the shit out of me really. but i think ive told him pointedly enough.. like it shud be fun now. n like you shud introduce this chick as your future ex wife...like hi this is kristen.. my future ex wife...
ok i think im funny.
peter. god help him. he said oh its my wifes bday.. wheres that 1800flowers number..? i said peter its exactly that. n second the way youre sounding u shud see if theres a 1800 diamonds jesus christ wtf. he literally had his pockets turned inside out...
then i said what i think shud be 1800 diamonds slogan. when youre really in trouble.
jen isnt a leader or a bully. i think she has poor self esteem n she realizes she f**ked up with me as she seems to do with interpersonal relationships. so now shes all up my ass. trying to make it ok. n im not falling for it. i cu go n keep it short. im great at that. very good at it. talk to some of the other girls. then again i can just say were going to a new class closer to us n not get involved which is how i really want it. the stay at home moms have tme for bullshit. i dont.
jens too much of a loser to be a bully. if she was a bully shed be more successful as an er nurse.
are u saying the shame is from my mom or his?
That sucks about the baby and the lack of your OB's willingness to consider a c section. The baby is big and I know you are worried about it. I still feel that you will end up with a c section. I am not sure why I think that, but just do. Certainly you have a lot going for you in that direction right now.... These specialist doctors can be very callus and cold. I have seen that myself. It seems like the more they are involved in out of the ordinary cases the more likely they are to show signs of jadedness. Respectfully XX XXX though, I think you might be taking the risk factors a bit too much to heart right now. There is a lot on your mind and it is very easy to start to go to a very bad place with this. Plus you are a nurse and know enough to be dangerous to your own esteem and confidence. What would you say to a woman in your position right now? I am certain that it would be words of encouragement and not...the baby is too big and might not be able to breathe. That would not be at all what you would do and you would mean it, the encouragement that is. This doctor, the more I read about him, the more he sounds like a jerk. You are about to have the baby. This is certainly not the time to talk about exercise or his views of pregnancy and fitness. He sounds like a real piece of work that one. You are under so much stress right now and you sound like all your emotional reserves, that what you had, are exhausted. It is no wonder the world looks dark and miserable. I am also certain that it will take more than an argument for Rob to abandon you. Although you may feel that he does not love you I really do not think that your feelings should be used at this point to measure that aspect. He is with you and that says everything. He is not going anywhere. I guess I do understand about Rob and having a new job and not staying to clean up the vomit. But I also feel really badly that you inherited that literal mess. That is awful and that does not really express the lot of it.
Glad you did not marry Peter. Talk about your oblivious males, as if 1800 anything is a good idea when you are that oblivious. He needs help. His wife should kill him. I think it would be justified at this point.
Jen, Well, I guess if she is not a bully that she is instead really a colossal mess. I would stay away from her in any case as she is bad news, insight or not into the relational issues that she creates. She is a black hole of emotional pain and I worry about what she might do next to hurt you emotionally, intentional or not.
Shame...his mom, not yours. Your mother is far different. She acts cruel in a different way. But this stuff with kate...Rob's mom.
Tmm. He is a very slow burn. He may not show up sometimes for months, but he always will. It is him; who he is. Steven
hey steve. starting a new question. writing it now..