hey steve. so apparently preg hormones have kicked in. i cant stop crying. i went to the hi risk ob and he said the babys 9 lb 6 oz. so im like ok when can we end this?
he said when u go into labor. i said uh.. can we schedule an induction for like mon?
and he said no its dangerous with such a big baby we can rupture your uterus. (i was very afraid of rupturing with kate.. but i thought kate was 8 1/2 lbs not 9lb 4oz.) so he said how dilated are you? i said im not.
ive tried to explain to them i never dilate. i walked around with a dead baby for 3 weeks n still didnt start to lose it.
either way the hi risk said theres no reason to induce or schedule a c section. my being uncomfortable or the baby too big isnt a reason. im sorry. good luck. ill tell dr k. (reg ob) he said if i go past my due date ill prob be c sectioned but that wud be dr ks discretion n id have to go back to the hi risk for yet another sono.
rob said nothing and just put his arm around me and i was crying. i told him im not going to any more appts this a waste of time really. i go and theres nothing. oh the babys bigger. really asshole? i cudve told u that. this is modern medicine?
i felt like the hi risk saying good luck was like well bye good luck with that. like sux for u...
im worried of course that the baby will be in trouble n big babies like that (he said the baby could be up to 11lbs now.. or as low as 8. but big babies if theyre in trouble breathing literally cant be intubated. ive been at deliveries where the babys cords are so swollen we cant intubate n the baby will die from lack of airway.) n im getting nervous. i feel like of course the drs n nurses will walk away as an oh well n ill have lost my son again. i know that doesnt happen everytime or often - ive only seen it 2x n im a nurse 10 yrs but i also am not at many deliveries to be fair.
of course im concerned i wont make it out ok either n i feel like theyre waiting til im really in trouble. which i dont like. along with everyday i go the babys bigger. n less likely to be out thru a vag delivery. i dont want a c section but if i knew im scheduled n i could avoid the whole labor n not being successful id be ok with that too.
so my reg ob said calll me fri am to talk about what dr n the hi risk said. so i call n i get this rude girl on the phone. n shes like were not going to have the report. i said dr k said specifically said that he knows he wont have the report hes going to call dr n and discuss me. i started to spell my name n she cut me off well i see what he says if he knows about this im sure hell call back (cuz im a liar who makes up fake stories for a middle age bitch whos big career goal was to ans phones in a drs office...? i have nothing else in my life..) and she hung up.
i got $20 he doesnt call back. n when he doesnt wed im going to be really mad. not a little mad.
im at the point i wish i cud find another ob. thats how mad i am.
i know this all sounds irrational to you at this point, but i dont care. rob told me this is what you do. u jump ahead the babys cant breathe and will die b/c they cant intubate.
but i really was in trouble when i delivered kate n not only it wasnt easy, but i worried for months she wud be cerebral palsy due to lack of oxygen. between my low bp for hrs that no 1 cared too much about, n then the code called about the cord around her neck. she was being pushed for 4 1/2 hrs n the cord there. well not a good thing.
so the hi risk said the baby has a big head annd big shoulders. n then he looked at rob sitting there.. 6ft or so n 230lbs. n i said i shudve married a pinhead.
but i didnt think oh his huge freaking head was going to be passed on to our son n it was going to rip me in half. literally.
the hi risk said something about my weight n how its not helping me n i said a 10lb baby plus fluid plus placenta is all of this. i mean really. yeah i wasnt the skinniest bitch before but honestly it isnt the time. i almost said to rob like did he just say im fat? n then he said oh you have to stay active. yeah i forgot that those 12 hr shifts... how i sit n do nothing. i told him i am active im a f**king er nurse. like what do u want from me? n he backed off n said it just will help with your labor im not saying u havent been active n thats why the babys too big. but thats how it sounded really. i mean i dont jog steve i admit it. but all afternoon im going to be doing laundry n dishwasher n putting stuff away from our adventures of being nomads.
im still sick and have lost my voice. im coughing still from that fireplace. i pulled a muscle in my side trying to get up n it hurts so much its just searing pain. kates a boogie machine n blows all over u and cries everytime now. she actually said mommy cant love a boogie baby? i told her it was ok n normal n mommy has it too... n everyone sneezes. just like ive told her everyone urinates and has bowel movements. its all ok.
so tmm. i was absolutely shocked as think its like 6 months hes abstained n i figured he gave up. i cud let his video chat go thru (i hit deny when it pops up..) and be 9 months preg with no makeup. that cud cure his obsession thats for sure.
i dont even think rob loves me anymore after our nice screaming match the other day. oh and bt w i texted him at 330pm n said see u at the appt and of course he didnt remember what time or what.
the vomitbed. i get rob had to leave for work. i wudve done the same. being on time is more important. esp at our jobs. were both new n well thats it. i was just telling dr b like lifes not all like sex toys n mini skirts. ..
ok maybe for him it is. and my life sucks more than i thought.
the thing with his ex annoys the shit out of me really. but i think ive told him pointedly enough.. like it shud be fun now. n like you shud introduce this chick as your future ex wife...like hi this is kristen.. my future ex wife...
ok i think im funny.
peter. god help him. he said oh its my wifes bday.. wheres that 1800flowers number..? i said peter its exactly that. n second the way youre sounding u shud see if theres a 1800 diamonds jesus christ wtf. he literally had his pockets turned inside out...
then i said what i think shud be 1800 diamonds slogan. when youre really in trouble.
jen isnt a leader or a bully. i think she has poor self esteem n she realizes she f**ked up with me as she seems to do with interpersonal relationships. so now shes all up my ass. trying to make it ok. n im not falling for it. i cu go n keep it short. im great at that. very good at it. talk to some of the other girls. then again i can just say were going to a new class closer to us n not get involved which is how i really want it. the stay at home moms have tme for bullshit. i dont.
jens too much of a loser to be a bully. if she was a bully shed be more successful as an er nurse.
are u saying the shame is from my mom or his?