How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Brad The Therapist Your Own Question

Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
50717502
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Brad The Therapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What will I do if my husband has an internet addiction on asian

Resolved Question:

What will I do if my husband has an internet addiction on asian women? He was hooked with them and he even giving them money. It's not for sex because he can not function anymore. I think he is living a fantasy that he can get these young women to love him.
Please help.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Brad The Therapist :

Thank you for your question. Before providing suggestions, I have a few questions for you. First, other than this issue, please tell me more about your relationship with your husband? when did your relationship first become a problem? What did he say was the reason for him to be in contact with these women?

Customer:

We have been married for almost 25 years. For the last 12 years, we have fights and misunderstanding and he said that I yelled at him all the time. He lost his job 12 years ago and I am the one working. We have 3 children and all those years, we have pity quarrels and if it's my mistake I always apologize to him. But he was always flooded everyttime I confront him. He said that he was depressed for all these years and never told me. The problem for him that I know started last Sept. before I went on my trip. When I was on the trip < I took my laptop and I saw all the website that he was going into. Then when I come home he said that everybody hates me and he was not happy that I came back. I confronted him and we patch things. After two weeks, I took back my computer from him and I saw that he was really emailing these women and they even have pictures. I confronted him and then told my children. He told me that yes he was doing it because he was annoyed with me. We went to counseling many times and he still not telling the truth about his addiction. He said that he wanted divorce but he never want to file. Then he still conitnues to communicate with them and then this weekend I found out that he was sending money to this chinese girl and I confronted him He said it's only one but then another email that I found out and there are two girls. They are 21 years which almost the age of my children and my husband is 62.

Brad The Therapist :

Thank you for your response. I can see how difficult and trying your relationship must be by your description. What would you ideally want to do at this point with your husband?

Brad The Therapist :

Do you want to separate, divorce, or try to work things out?

Customer:

I told him that I am ready to file for divorce and he aid to give him more time. I said ok but he need to take out all these web sites, no more lies and stop sending money.

Brad The Therapist :

Although your husband says that he will stop, do you think he will?

Brad The Therapist :

Also does he have any other addictions, such as drinking, gambling, etc?

Customer:

Last night, I told him that I will not file for divorce and give him time to go to his doctor and need to go to the therapist. he said yes. He took out some of the websites but I think he only change his passwords. Is there any treatment for this kind of addiction?

Customer:

I want to work it out and help him but my children are suffering. They hate him and they lost their respect with their father. My children are 21, 18 and 15.

Brad The Therapist :

Yes, there is. First however, your husband should go see a medical doctor to make sure nothing is going on, physically. Sometimes a brain injury or early-onset dementia can help explain your husband's beavior

Brad The Therapist :

behavior.

Brad The Therapist :

once he is checked out medically, your husband should see a psychologist (not a master's level therapist) to explore you husband's core issues that is causing him distress,

Brad The Therapist :

there are many reasons why your husband is seeking out Asian women...possibilities include past life experiences that affected him that he needs to resolve through his contact with these women or the addiction may be filling a void he has been experiencing quite sometime.

Customer:

I don't know. Last Oct.. 2 he said that he will not do it anymore. After two weeks I caught him again still doing and then last Wed. I talked to him that we will worked it out and then last Friday night I found out that he was sending money to these girls last Thurs. and Friday. He said that I will not trust him anymore. He also said that he will not trust me because I found out all his email and passwords. No he does not have anyother adddictions. He is a quiet person and he does not have friends. The only person that talk to him is hi mother. He is a mama's boy.

Brad The Therapist :

Whatever the meaning behind his behaviors, he needs to get help. Change will not happen, unless he wants to change.

Brad The Therapist :

My fear is that he may be promising you things that he will not keep. If you separate from him temporarily, this may prompt him to want to change

Brad The Therapist :

Have you considered going to a support group, yourself?

Brad The Therapist :

I know this is causing you a lot of stress

Customer:

He was married to a japanese before and they divorced after 8 years. Then he married me a Filipino and we will have our 25th anniversary next March.

Customer:

He has a fetish for asian women. He even put his name on a dating site for japanese women telling them that he is divorce and looking for 18-60 years old.

Brad The Therapist :

I see... he is fulfilling something (that he is not aware about) with his current behaviors.

Brad The Therapist :

Yes, please have him go see his doctor and a psychologist.

Brad The Therapist :

if he doesn't go, I believe you know what you need to do regarding the relationship.

Brad The Therapist :

Do you have any other questions?

Customer:

He wants to see the doctor first and then the counselor. Our second child was not talking to him for more than a month now and she was really hurt. So last night , I told her to talk to him tell him everything that she is feeling and wow, she really give him a piece of her mind. I think my husband was hurting when she was not talking to him. So I think he was thinking. Then I am so bad too because I am pushing him and mentioning it everyday to him. He ask me to give him time and not to talk to the children about this. I am giving him time but every time I think about what he did, I felt nervous and can not breath.

Customer:

What should I do to help him with his addiction?

Brad The Therapist :

Yes, I would urge you not to tell your kids about this as well as you and your husband are suffering. I urge you to find yourself your own help as well as self-care is important.

Brad The Therapist :

For his addiction, please get him to the doctors first, then a psychologist. If you feel comfortable, I can find you a referral if you inform me what city and state you are writing from

Customer:

please. I don't know anybody as a psychologist. We live in San JOse, Ca

Brad The Therapist :

Please give me two minutes and I will find you one

Customer:

For the meantime, what will I do to cope up with these problems.

Brad The Therapist :

What is your zip code so that I can find someone near you

Customer:

95129

Brad The Therapist :

Here is a referral:

Brad The Therapist :

Dr. Marilee Ruebsamen

Psychologist , PhD



Verified



Office


Abbey Psychological Services
940 Saratoga Ave.,
Ste. 200
San Jose, California 95129
Show map


Additional Office


Chabad Psychiatric Clinic
1757 Union Street
San Francisco, California 94123
Show map




Contact Information


phone:(NNN) NNN-NNNN
fax:(NNN) NNN-NNNN
Additional Contact


phone:(NNN) NNN-NNNN/div>
Brad The Therapist :

Any other questions?

Customer:

Thank you Brad. I really appreciate your help.

Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
Brad The Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist
549 Satisfied Customers
10 years of experience in working with youth and adults