How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Olsen Your Own Question

Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
46062601
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Olsen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am a non-dependent married woman and I lack the ability to

Resolved Question:

I am a non-dependent married woman and I lack the ability to express tenderness to my husband, who enjoys affection. what can I do to learn to give my husband affection?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for writing in here.
Let me ask you a few questions before I offer an answer:
When did this problem start?
Could you explain your situation a little more?
Please let me know if you have a chance
Best regards,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

It has only recently been brought to my attention, last night. I am in my 5th marriage. The first 2 were beaters and the fathers of my 2 daughters, one from each husband. I was affectionate, as I recall, before the fighting and beatings. I lived as a single mother for 11 years. Then I met my third husband, he was 10 years my senior. When he tried to dominate me, I ended that marriage only after 3 years. The fourth marriage was to a man who pretended to be a christian when in reality, he was an abuser.of drugs and alcohol. That marriage lasted 5 years. My current husband is a good man but I believe he suffers from insecurities I do not understand.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for your reply.
I was offline all day.

Okay. You stated your current husband suffers from insecurities.
Does he have anxiety or self esteem issues?
Does he tell you he wants more affection from you?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

He has self esteem issues. He has not asked me to be more affection from me but he responds to affection from other women. I went thru menopause and lost my sex drive. Although we had sex it was not often enough for him. For 7 months he sought out a sexual relationships with other women (without my knowledge). He started a sexual relationship with our next door neighbor. They met in our home while I was at work. This went on for 5 months until I discovered the affair.We have decided to work out the problem and stay together. I still have trust issues with him to this day. The affair was this year May thru Sept. I love my husband and want to work thru this.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your reply.
I'll be back with my answer soon.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for waiting.

Your husband may need to rekindle your marriage and love as you may be losing passion for him. Well, I have to say your husband's past affair may contribute to your feelings.
It sounds like you have forgiven him and wants to work through issues in your marriage.
Marriage counseling may be helpful.
If you and your husband can afford time, marriage therapy may help you to discuss and resolve any issue.
To find a marriage/couple therapist, you can call your insurance company and get a list of providers in your area.
Or, you can search a licensed psychotherapist on internet- such as the PSYCHOLOGY TODAY website. Go to (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ppc/prof_search.php?iorb=4764) and enter your zip code and optional category of specialty such as marriage/relationship. Read psychotherapists’ profile to see if he or she has the specialty.
You may also want to create your mental image of psychotherapist that you two want to work with – Male or female? To note, many therapists offer initial consultation for free. So you and your husband can see it as an informational meeting. You and he can ask any question. You and he can also negotiate psychotherapy fee and number of sessions.

In addition, "a couple intensive retreat" may work for you and your husband.
Please check out the following center -
http://marriagehelpcenters.com/

This is your fifth marriage. You must have gone through a lot before.
If you feel like you still have emotional baggage from your past, you may benefit from having individual counseling to work through your issues.

Please let me know if you have any questions. Best regards,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

The lack of funds keeps me from going to a psychotherapist and my husband refuses to go to counseling. I would really like you to help me with this if you can.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for your reply.
Let me work on this.
I'll be back with my answer.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for waiting.
I was offline for a while due to other duties.

It sounds like you want to save this marriage and want to rebuild a relationship with your husband regardless of his betrayal.

If you have no health insurance, you may call The United Way toll free # XXXXX (Dial 2-1-1)to find the community mental health centers in your area in which you can get individual or marriage counseling for a low fee.

If you want to work on these issues on your own,
I would advise you to -
Write down your goals (e.g., forgive your husband; express affection and love to your husband at least one time daily etc..)
Keep a daily journal of your practice and what you feel grateful about your husband and marriage.
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience: PsyD Psychologist
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen
Mental Health Professional
2336 Satisfied Customers
PsyD Psychologist