Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.
I am very sorry that you feel you and your husband are growing apart. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples to overcome problems in their marriages for 20 years. There is definitely hope for you and your husband. Please describe his distant behavior for me.
he doesnt talk to me
he leaves to a differnet room when i sit down to watch tv next to him
I see. Do you believe he is depressed?
i think he is
but i think i am the reason
I thought that might be the case. When someone is depressed, they withdraw from their loved ones. Why do you believe that you are the reason?
i feel that i am keeping him as a prisoner , and we would be happy anywhere where there no me.
he is pretty outgoing guy
How are you keeping him a prisoner?
he comes from a very difficult family situation
Okay, that is not your fault.
his mom was an alcoholic who would bring different men every night in their one bedroom appartment
That is indeed a very difficult way to grow up. Has he ever sought professional help for his childhood issues?
if he wasnt married to me, he would be out dating and hanging out with his friends
no , he havent
i mentioned it to him once before
You say that you have had money troubles and work issues. That is enough to cause situational depression.
he treated my question (as all the others he doesnt want to deal with)- with silence
Has he told you that he wants to leave or wants you to leave, wants a divorce?
he have not said it exactly like this
he just keeps repeating "This is not working!"
like he wants me to leave
Why would you be the one to leave?
he doesnt look at me, doesnt touch me
when i reach out to him he pools back
Well, that could be his depression. Does he feel the money and work problems are his fault?
i dont know
he doesnt tell me about his feelings
Did he before?
our first year of marriage he opened up to me about some of the feelings he had
about his former girlfriend an his mother
and how angry he was with his father
Well it is good that he opened up with you before, this means he can do so again. Would he go to see a couples therapist with you?
i wouldn't know how to ask him
he hates to psycho analized
Well, couples therapy is different.
he went through social services before, when he was abused at home
i think to him is just a reminder
Social service is not therapy!
or maybe he feels that it wont help
i dont know how to ask him
Do you want to work on your marriage with him?
or what would be the best time
i dont want to loose him
but i feel like
he is already gone
and it hearts so much
Simply tell him that you love him and are concerned about him and your marriage and believe that couples therapy will help. Then it is up to him. If he will not go with you, then go by yourself so that you will have the emotional support you need at this difficult time. You may go to www.TherapistLocator.net or www.psychologytoday.com to search for couples therapists where you live. I know it hurts and that you are afraid you have already lost him. But I believe that you are going to need to know that you did everything you could to save your marriage. Right?
yes! i know i will keep on trying. i just dont know if i will ever be able to believe that someone will love me back and would fight for me as well.
i feel like i am fighting vietnam war
I know that you are in great pain and are powerless to do anything to make things better. This why I am recommending that you find a therapist. Do you have additional questions for me this evening?
You may feel powerless but you are not! You have the power to get the help that you need.
You are very welcome, dear. My pleasure. Please remember to submit a positive rating for my answer. I wish you and your husband healing, take care, Eleanor
i know. i just never thought i would find myself in this situation