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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I have lived a life full of challenges. I left an abusive

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I have lived a life full of challenges. I left an abusive husband with my two young children 17 years ago and started my life over. I met a great guy and we married 15 yrs ago. We were only into the marriage a few years when he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He fought it and he's been in remission for many years. The children grew up in a loving home with a great step dad. They keep contact with their father and see him only when he feels like it. Four years ago, in my forties, I had a stroke. My kids were in high school. I had all three therapies to overcome this event so far so good. I am slightly impaired (but i am the only one that seems to notice). Short term memory is terrible and I occasionally get brutal headaches. A year after the stroke my husband was laid off for 14 months. With loss of income from my stroke and my husbands' unemployment, we almost financially imploded. But we were able to work out payment deals for extensions with creditors. (I'm still digging out).
My oldest is now 21, and has not been focused on college as he should have. He was kicked out 2nd semester freshman year for too much partying. He hasn't held down a job. He enrolled in a local community college and has struggled through that as well. As his friends are enjoying their senior year & getting ready to graduate, he may only have enough credits to get an associates degree after 4 years. My daughter was always a bit lonely, had a hard time understanding why her father was such a disaster, but as she grew up she became grounded. She is in college and is thriving. Recently, my mother-in law, who is 90, moved into my home with my husband and I after fracturing her hip. My husband is her only living relative. I didn't know her very well during my marriage. She lived in another state. She is extremely bitter old woman and has a miserable attitude. Everyday involves some kind of drama; whether it is the heat, the lights, food/clothing, etc,... These dramas usually result in some kind of argument. We have people who come in to assist her during the day as my husband and I both work. She is resistant to them. We decided to bring her to a neurologist to be evaluated for dementia. Both my husband and myself are dealing with this differently. His doctor prescribed meds for him to 'take the edge off' since she's putting so much stress on him. I have been popping my headache meds like candy because my headaches have increased greatly between her and my son's behavior. The mounting stress is affecting my work effort and home life. If I didn't live this, I would not believe a word of it if someone told it to me. I am broken.

I am sorry to hear about your past. It sounds like one crisis on top of another. You should consider contacting a therapist who can focus on listening just to you and addressing your needs. Your attention has probably been on meeting the needs of others and this can lead one to feel drained. As far as your mother in law ignoring her tirades will lessen them over time. This can be attention seeking behavior and when she doesn't get the attention the payoff will disappear and eventually her nit picking. You may also investigate any services in your area that help care for the elderly. Services under Medicare for instance would at least help you take care of her.

You should commend yourself on raising considerate children. That is an important positive in your life. They did not become the people they are without your influence. Even if they are a little behind they are still achieving.

I would allow for private time for yourself despite the chaos that allows you to rewind and replenish yourself. A small amount of time every week should be devoted to you. Don't give everything to everyone.

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