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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I dont seem to be able to move on after a 10 year relationship.

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I don't seem to be able to move on after a 10 year relationship. He is amicable and seemed to be able to move on after two weeks. I believe he is a serial monogomist. He lets me know of his health issues and says its only being human to let me know. I just don't seem able to let go and move on. It was a volitile relationship but there was a deep love. Its been nearly six months since we split. I asked him to leave after I found out he would choose drugs to me but he denies that and said that he left because I kept telling him to leave. He is a recovering alcoholic so maybe I just got too challenging for him. I need a bit of help in understanding what I did so wrong or am I being too hard on myself

I think you are being very hard on yourself. Sometimes when relationships end we feel a sense of guilt and have to grieve that relationship. That takes lengthy periods of time. Six months is not sufficient to grieve a relationship of 10 years especially if you are an emotional person. Don't put too much stock in how he thinks it ended but focus instead on yourself and your own recovery. If you are too hard on yourself then you block change and the ability to move forward. Instead of analyzing the end of this relationship focus instead on what brings you to a happy place again. Alcoholics are often manipulative people and they often distort the facts. It isn't important if he thinks you said something as he remembers it. Focus now on you. Find pleasure in activities or people that help you move on. Engage in new things that help you grow past this. If you want to be friends, you have to avoid discussions that make you feel guilty. Friends are not there to massage their own ego but to offer support.

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