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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.It sounds like there is more to what your sister in law is doing than just responding to the argument between her and your husband. When people hold onto anger as she is doing, there is a deeper reason why and most likely, it has nothing to do with what your husband did. So that alone may help him to feel better. Your husband's siblings are right, whatever your sister in law chooses to do should be up to her. No one can control her and it appears that no matter what anyone says to her, she is not going to change her mind. And righting the "wrong" between your husband and her has already been addressed. She is not giving this up for deeper reasons and that is why nothing works with her. By letting her go and having her make her own choices, the consequences of her behavior are on her and no one else. You can help your husband see that your sister in law is only trying to make him feel bad because she feels bad about herself. No one who is a healthy, well balanced person does something like she is doing. And your husband needs to know that a simple argument should not cause years of anger. That is not a normal response. Therefore, he did not cause this. A person who does not have issues would have let this go a long time ago.Have your husband practice saying to himself that how she is acting is about her and not him. He needs to separate his feelings about what happened, which is long over and should have been long forgiven, from his sister's personality issues. And to do that, he needs to change his thinking from blaming himself because of how she is acting to letting her take responsibility for holding onto her anger. Also, he can get support from his siblings. They appear to understand that there is something wrong with their sister and therefore can be a good support to your husband. Finally, you may want to consider moving. That may seem drastic, but if your sister in law is this emotional over a long over argument, then it may be less stressful to remove yourself from the situation rather than hope she might someday come around and be friendly again. And that would also help your husband heal from this. I hope this has helped you,Kate
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Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Robert M. Bramson
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