My husband and I purchased a 2 family house with his sister 4 years ago. The two of them had a major falling out right before we moved in, and now they don't speak at all. Things were said on both sides which are regretable. Even though they do not speak, both would always attend family functions as there are a number of other siblings so between them, their spouses and children, there was always a "buffer zone" between the two. There hasn't been any conflict between the 2 of them over the last year (since they don't speak) and I - along with my husband - were both hoping that the situation was progressing to the point where he and his sister could begin to move forward with their relationship. However, my sister-in-law is continuing to act like the argument just happened. She won't park in the driveway of our home so as not to run the risk of seeing my husband if he happens to be in the garage. She won't even look at him, despite the fact that my husband has tried to break the ice (taking in her trash cans every week, offering to have one of his friends who is a plumber fix an issue she has with her sink free of charge, etc). Now she's making excuses for not attending the upcoming Holiday celebrations with the family.
My husband feels terrible because he can't understand why after 4 years she seems to be regressing and acting like the arguement just happened. Her boyfried did
confide in my husband that my sister-in-law made the statement that she does not feel like she has very much in common with her siblings, so she doesn't care about seeing them. We're adults (my husband is 46 and his sister is 56) so it's not like we're in our 20's and aren't old enough to know better. My sister-in-law can be very controlling and does have a track record of having arguements with people and not talking to them for extended periods of time. On the other hand, my husband, like his sister, can be very strong minded and opinionated.
I just don't know what to do at this point. I've stayed out of the middle of the situation the best I can but my sister-in-law's treatment of my husband is really starting to make me angry, especially when I see him lying awake at night, very upset by all of this. I understand that people work through things differently and just because my husband wants to move forward now she may not be in the same place. However, my husband feels like this situaiton with his sister is causing her to distance herself from the family. The other siblings have talked about it and have said they will not participate in my sister-in-law's childish behavior so if she wants to not come to the Holidays, so be it. That being said though, I know my husband still feels rotten about the situaiton and often comments that she makes him feel like a really bad person by the way she treats him.
Any input/advice you could provide on what I may be able to say to my husband to help him understand that this is her issue and not his would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!