How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
52358615
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I feel like I have a problem "going with the flow" in life.

Customer Question

I feel like I have a problem "going with the flow" in life. What can I do to take life less seriously? I feel like it impacts my relationship with my boyfriend, and it also hinders my decision making.

Recently my boyfriend of 6 years and I started talking about expanding our sexual relationship with another male. This was originally more of his idea, and I have started to become more open to it actually happening. This means that I will have to step out of my comfort zone to flirt with men again. I feel like I could do this, but I wonder if I am I doing it because I want to satisfy my current lover or am I doing it because I just want to flirt with other guys?

Also in the last couple of weeks, my best friend from high school just broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years. I feel that she & I go through the same situations sometimes. I cannot help but think of myself in her situation, being free to pursue someone else after being with someone for so long. I am young and I want to feel that way. But I have kind of done this to myself for my own selfish reasons, and I feel that I am digging a deeper hole with my current relationship.

My boyfriend and I are on the same page regarding most issues. We love each other very much, but we do not want to get married or have kids anytime soon. And he says that he wants me to be free to do what I want with my life and possibly pursue other people. I just can't help but feel that if I do actually pursue something else (be it my career path or another relationship), he will not be there for me.

In the next few months I have a major decision to make: stay in Los Angeles to pursue my career, or move back to Bloomington, IN with my boyfriend so that both he & I can continue school and finish our Bachelor's degrees. I know this seems like an entirely different issue, but both of these situations involve my current relationship.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.

Your nature may be just one that does not allow for a casual attitude. If you think this is you and your disposition there is nothing wrong with that. If you think this is due to a larger problem such as anxiety then you should then you should consult with a therapist. It is okay to even see a therapist just to process issues that are going on in your life. In the meantime, you can pursue some self help targeted at empowering yourself. Sometimes all decisions are impacted less by mental health problems and more commonly how we feel about ourselves. The confidence issues are able to dictate most of your major decisions.

In regard to the sexual decision pending, just be sure you are doing this for your own enjoyment and not to please someone else. Sometimes when we are not comfortable with some aspect of a situation it is because we deep down don't want to do this. This decision can be based on what would make him happy. If you can't imagine him engaging in equivalent behavior then you should consider that now.

I would suggest addressing your disposition by enlarging your knowledge of yourself and addressing your fears. There is a great resource in the Self Esteem Workbook. You can find a therapist on the site for the American Counseling Association

Please press positive feedback so I am compensated

psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
psychlady and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples, married or unmarried, for 20 years. If you would like a second opinion, chat back and I will be more than happy to help, Eleanor

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education