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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I feel like I have a problem "going with the flow" in life.

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I feel like I have a problem "going with the flow" in life. What can I do to take life less seriously? I feel like it impacts my relationship with my boyfriend, and it also hinders my decision making.

Recently my boyfriend of 6 years and I started talking about expanding our sexual relationship with another male. This was originally more of his idea, and I have started to become more open to it actually happening. This means that I will have to step out of my comfort zone to flirt with men again. I feel like I could do this, but I wonder if I am I doing it because I want to satisfy my current lover or am I doing it because I just want to flirt with other guys?

Also in the last couple of weeks, my best friend from high school just broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years. I feel that she & I go through the same situations sometimes. I cannot help but think of myself in her situation, being free to pursue someone else after being with someone for so long. I am young and I want to feel that way. But I have kind of done this to myself for my own selfish reasons, and I feel that I am digging a deeper hole with my current relationship.

My boyfriend and I are on the same page regarding most issues. We love each other very much, but we do not want to get married or have kids anytime soon. And he says that he wants me to be free to do what I want with my life and possibly pursue other people. I just can't help but feel that if I do actually pursue something else (be it my career path or another relationship), he will not be there for me.

In the next few months I have a major decision to make: stay in Los Angeles to pursue my career, or move back to Bloomington, IN with my boyfriend so that both he & I can continue school and finish our Bachelor's degrees. I know this seems like an entirely different issue, but both of these situations involve my current relationship.

Your nature may be just one that does not allow for a casual attitude. If you think this is you and your disposition there is nothing wrong with that. If you think this is due to a larger problem such as anxiety then you should then you should consult with a therapist. It is okay to even see a therapist just to process issues that are going on in your life. In the meantime, you can pursue some self help targeted at empowering yourself. Sometimes all decisions are impacted less by mental health problems and more commonly how we feel about ourselves. The confidence issues are able to dictate most of your major decisions.

In regard to the sexual decision pending, just be sure you are doing this for your own enjoyment and not to please someone else. Sometimes when we are not comfortable with some aspect of a situation it is because we deep down don't want to do this. This decision can be based on what would make him happy. If you can't imagine him engaging in equivalent behavior then you should consider that now.

I would suggest addressing your disposition by enlarging your knowledge of yourself and addressing your fears. There is a great resource in the Self Esteem Workbook. You can find a therapist on the site for the American Counseling Association

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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
psychlady and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Hello, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples, married or unmarried, for 20 years. If you would like a second opinion, chat back and I will be more than happy to help, Eleanor

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