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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5516
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi again Kate. We got everything moved this weekend and Monday.

Customer Question

Hi again Kate. We got everything moved this weekend and Monday. Glad that is done, but, of course, we are not even close to being unpacked. Ugh. Oh well. I had taken Friday, Monday & Tuesday off. Now I am back to work today. Right in the middle of this, we have kind of "merged" with LP's firm, which is kind of a mess. Today is super busy. And this afternoon I have to go kind of "learn the ropes" at the ch 13 trustee's office, since I will be working for her a little. I didn think this all through. Plus, today is my first day of the new long commute from our new house.

These are minor just busy things, but I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I already was stressed and now I feel like I have more demands on me - from LP and the trustee now. I question the soundness of those decisions - as well as the decision to move 45 minutes (at least - we shall see ) away from the office and church, when I was only 6 minutes away before.

Plus, I am getting a cold. Pat has had it for a week , but I usually don't get this kind of thing. My immunity must be down.

I have had bad dreams each night we have been in the new house.

I have an appointment with dr m tomorrow morning. She is still makai any me come every month. That's okay for now, even though I don't know why she hasn't changed it to the once-every-3-months like she said we would do. I would actually like to talk to her, but I don't know about what. I just feel unbalanced and I wonder if she can help. But she is not my therapist. I know I can bring up anything I want - but I don't even know what to say and I'm fraud she will just stare at me. I also have an appointment with rose tomorrow. I was encouraged that I I ally had some real results with the EMDR last week (although I have to say - its like I couldn't get things out o my mind for several days after), so I want to concentrate on doing that. I didn't have an appointment with Linda this week because I really couldn't fit it in. Maybe I will just call her? As I said, nothing is really wrong. I just feel so stressed and so pulled. And the nightmares aren't helping. Any suggestions? Taking more time off work won't help. It is intensifying as I wonder what else is building up.

I'm sorry. I'm just venting. I just feel so stressed out right now, And I just wanted to talk to you.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hi Shay, it’s great to talk with you again!

I’m glad to hear that you are settled into your new home but I do understand the chaos of moving. It can seem like everything is up in the air and that you don’t have a home or a “base” yet. There is not that secure feeling that you get when you can just come home and have everything in its place. You will get there though. A little bit at a time.

I have a suspicion that your move might have brought up more feelings than anticipated. When you look at the stress scale, moving is right up there with divorce and marriage and having a child. It is a life changing event, even if you did move within the same area. Home is where most of us feel the safest. And when you change that, it takes time to feel that again.

On top of your move, you also have been working with another therapist with a different type of therapy, one that you had a bad experience with before. So the stress around that change might have been high as well, more than you realized.

Add to that the merger with LP’s firm and your responsibilities to your job and church, and the recent anniversary of your assault and you really have a recipe for overload. You have too much change and not enough time to process it all. There are only so many coping mechanisms that you have before you begin to feel as you do now. Adding a cold to that only brings down your defenses even more.

It sounds like you made good decisions in your life in regards XXXXX XXXXX job and moving, but it may be that all the changes came at once, which would cause you to feel overwhelmed. Dealing with all these changes in a way that makes you feel more in control can help.

You mentioned thinking about talking with Dr. M. I would encourage you to do that. Tell her what you feel and add that you would like her input about what you are experiencing. She may not be able to do anything about it, but just listening may be enough. She is there to help you and if talking about your feelings helps, then that is what you need. Nothing wrong with that.

It can also help you to make a spot in your new home that is all yours. Concentrate on making it a quiet, settled place. Fill it with things you like and include items that make you feel relaxed, keeping in mind all your senses. Smell, touch, taste (some tea or sweets), etc. It can be your refuge when you feel tired.

Make sure you are breathing. Many times under stress people forget to breath and end up “shallow” breathing, which increases their stress. Remind yourself to take deep breaths.

Find a quote or comforting saying that can help you when you begin to feel overwhelmed. One I like is- “This too shall pass”. Very simple and easy to repeat. It can help you to focus on one thing when you feel bad.

Call Linda. She has been your one steady support through all of this. Let her know how you are feeling and just ask her for what you need. Some comfort, someone to listen, whatever.

And keep in mind your own strength. Shay, you have been through so much and you are still going strong. You are an amazing person. And I have no doubt you will do fine through all this. You are smart, you know when to reach out and ask for support. That alone will get you through.

I'm glad you reached out to talk with me. I'm here anytime for you.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5516
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I will try what you suggested about making a space of my own here as soon as I can. I don't have that yet because everything is such a mess. And since we are building on (& obviously haven't started that yet), I am going to have my stuff kind of split between 2 small rooms for a while. But I can't handle the thought of starting the addition yet - things in more upheaval for several months. I just can't deal with that yet.

I didn't have time to do much of anything last night, by the time I got home from choir practice, but I will see what I can do tonight to get things set up in a least one room for me - but I may not be able to do it until this weekend. I hadn't even thought about that until you brought it up. But even my "safe place" for EMDR was my bedroom, with my dog. I don't have that now.

I will see if I can bring up how I am feeling when I see dr m this morning. I called Linda yesterday and left her a message, but she hasn't called back.

It helped yesterday that an all-afternoon meeting was rescheduled, so I was able to get some more work done. That was good, because I am going in late today because of my appointment with dr m and have to leave early for my appointment with Rose. Ugh.

I will try to breathe deeply, too. I am not good at that, but it does help. I just need to get through the next few weeks, I feel. I just feel a wholesale of pressure and a lot of pull between what I HAVE to do work-wise and from other obligations vs. doing what I want to do (just get unpacked and settled) vs. what I feel I need to do for me to deal (sleep and get some sort of break and be able to process what I'm dealing with re: the EMDR, etc. ).

I just feel, too, like it has been one thing after another, and I haven't been able to catch a break. I need for nothing out of the ordinary to happen for a while.

I think the longer commute may actually do me some good - it gives me some alone time to think or listen to music. If I can dig up my Bible on CD or download an encouraging devotional book or something, it would be good, too.

Well, I kind of have a plan now after reading your response. I will prioritize making a space for myself here. Maybe I can get to my drums and set them up this weekend - that would help, too.

Thanks, Kate. :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

I am glad what we talked about helped :) You do have a lot going on right now and feeling overwhelmed is a natural response.

Even if you can't get to your special space right now, maybe you can plan it in your mind as you go along sorting things. And if you see something special you'd like to include along the way, you can set it aside. Sometimes just the planning alone can help you relax and it gives you something calming to look forward to.

I hope your appointment is going well with Dr M and she can be of some help to you.

Take care of yourself and let me know how things progress. As always, you are in my thoughts. And I will say a prayer that everything settles down soon.

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks. Dr. M didn't say a whole lot - just that I had a lot going on, that it is natural for the stuff we deal with in the EMDR to keep popping in my head for days after (he said iteans I processing it), that the EMDR is difficult, that it is probably good I'm not planning to travel over the holidays, and asking questions about sleep, concentration, and appetite.

I did talk to Linda today. She said she was wondering how things have been and that she hasn't heard from me. I wish that if she was really wondering, she would just call me. It would make me feel less alone on all this. She tried to fit me on for an appointment tomorrow, and was even willing to meet for coffee instead, because her office is being used by someone else after a certain time tomorrow. But I can't do it because I have to do a mediation tomorrow. Anyways, I don't think I would feel I could speak freely or cry if I needed to at a coffee house, and I don't really want to meet her here. But it was nice of her to try. We have an appointment Monday anyways, and she said to call her if I wanted after my appointment with rose this afternoon.

Thanks again.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

You're welcome, Shay :) I'm glad you had a chance to talk with Linda and Dr. M. Even if you didn't get to meet with Linda, just having the support is nice.

Take care,

Kate

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