Is she seeing a school psychologist or a clinical/mental health one?
If she's been referred to see a psychologist, it may be to evaluate for things such as ADD/ADHD
Other reasons could be to see if this behavior is due to behavioral or developmental concerns
The psychologist she is seeing has said she is not add or adhd. mainly for her behaviour
That is good having ruled out ADd/ADHD. Behavioral conditions could be something like ODD (oppositional behavioral disorder)
Or, if she is trying to eat the objects, perhaps Pica (another condition)
How does she behave at home versus school?
she has also done things while she is with my partner and i .we have to keep an eye on her all the time
What are some of those things you've observed yourself?
she refuses a lot of the time to do what we ask even though she understands
What happens if you give her a consequence/punish the negative behavior? Have there been any recent changes in the family life?
she has broken a lot of her toys and ripped holes in her clothes
How long has she been acting like this?
There would be different reasons behind acting out. Some of these would be 1) attention seeking behavior/even if it is negative attention 2) power struggle w/ adults, 3) because she feels inadequate/incompetent in some way in her environment or 4) as a way to punish adults
What did the psychologist say as far as a diagnosis ?
if we try and punish her like send her to her room she is out five min later no there has been no changes she has been acting like this for at least three months now
It could be ODD. Please look at this link and see how many of those symptoms she may be showing. Would the psychologist work with her in therapy/counseling?
If time out does not work for her, you'd have to figure out what she finds undesirable and use that as a consequence. For example, if she likes to watch TV, you may let her know that good behavior would allow her to have some extra time to watch and negative behavior would take away that time. Or, if she likes a specific toy, you may take that away.
the doctor said she needs speech therapy ,she also said that in order to get her to understand we will have to explain things to her about ten times,and she got upset in the meeting when she tried to get her to do maths
For her age, you won't want to put her in time out for more than 5 minutes at a time.
It could be a combination of things as a person can have more than one condition. It could be a form of PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) Speech therapy can be effective and if a behavioral therapist is working with her.
But, if there is an actual diagnosis that they came up with, they need to tell you what it is as well as what the treatment options are. It is possible to have traits of a disorder and not meet criteria for the full diagnosis.
would a special school be what she needs also
She could even act out at school because of being anxious. A special school may be helpful only if you think that her behavior/condition is moderate to severe.
Perhaps working with a tutor or receiving some behavioral counseling could help her at the moment.
There is a parenting program called STEP that is helpful in parenting children who may be having behavioral/emotional difficulties.
i think her school doest want to meet her needs she came home today very stressed
She would need some sort of intervention in order for her to learn how to manage her behaviors early on. Otherwise, it could progress to the behavior becoming worse. If the school is unable to help her, then you've got to find a different school. Perhaps the way teachers react to her is more aggravating to her. Maybe a smaller school could be better.
ok thank you Dr Rossi for your help