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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I am 34 and never had a girlfriend, why cant I get one?

Resolved Question:

I am 34 and never had a girlfriend, why can't I get one?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

If you could provide more detail as to why you think that this has been a problem for you - meaning- what do think has prevented you from getting a girlfriend? ---I will be better able to help with your question.

Please respond below.

Kind regards, Bill
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I really don't know. I have friends - male and female - a good job, house etc. I am a little shy so it does take a lot for me to pluck up the courage to talk to people I don't know. I guess I think women won't be interested in me because even I think they could do better than me. Hope this helps.

Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
THanks for the information.

This sounds like a common self esteem issue that can be treated and if you are open to going for some counseling (for a short period of time) I think you can be helped to overcome this issues.

It involves reaching a point where you improve self esteem and overcome the fears and barriers that getting in the way of finding a meaningful relationship.

If you are open to this, send me your postal code and I will assist in identifying Counselors in your area.

Here is some information that will help you:

http://helpguide.org/mental/mental_emotional_health.htm

http://helpguide.org/mental/how_to_dating_find_love.htm

If look forward to hearing back from you.

Kind Regards, Bill

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks. My postcode is WS10 0DA.

Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
THe following link is a directory of Chartered Psychologists within 10 miles of your Postal Code. All are qualified to address the issues you are having problems with:

http://www.bps.org.uk/bpslegacy/dcp?&Postcode=WS10%200DA&BranchCode=&Directory_Language=&Directory_WhoFor=&Directory_Issues=MH2,RE7,PE13&Filter_Surname=&Filter_Keyword=&PostcodeRadius=10&frmAction=results

I trust that getting some short term counseling will help and wish you the very best.

Kindest regards, Bill

PLEASE LEAVE POSITIVE RATING SO THAT I RECEIVE CREDIT FOR MY TIME

Thank you!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I will try counselling. Can you give me some advice in the meantime?

Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
One of the most important things you can do is become more self aware- -starting writing your thoughts and feelings down as if you were writing the story of your life and how you have related to others. This can be done on your computer. Just write what comes to mind about the following subjects:
1) your family- and how the members relate-
2) what you learned about relationships growing up -how it was between your parents.
3) all thoughts and feelings about what you think or see when you look in the mirror
4) all thoughts and feelings about how you think other people see you.
5) What your fantasy would be in terms of relationship and what you would like to have if you could wave a magic wand.

Don't worry about how it sounds- just start writing and you will be amazed and what comes out.
This is going to take some time and that is why you need some professional help- writing will help you develop the framework that will help you to figure out what is going on within yourself and that which you can then share with a therapist to help you put this together,

I also like this link:
http://www.helpguide.org/toolkit/emotional_health.htm

Use the tool kit to help you work on you.

I hope these tips will help.

All the best, Bill

I appreciate your positive rating!
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
With all due respect, I have provided detailed information for you and tried to get you on a path to figure out your issues and you have rated this poor service?

NOTE IN YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION YOU Indicated:
"Detail Required: LOW"

I don't understand? Please explain why this is poor service when I have been working on this issue- all day!


Thank you........
Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Bill and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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