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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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Customer Question

I can't express my thoughts about the grandson crying. I am the designated player who needs to keep my mouth shut. The mother just comments that her son will get over it... She is not concerned about his un controllably crying. I know that the last time that I communicated with you
that you suggested that I should stay on board. My daughter -in-law is very defensive and so is my son. Help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 1 year ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Ask Eleanor :

Sorry to hear this. Is your grandson crying when you keep him?

Customer :

He cries when his parents leave him, and he is very frantic when he wakes up from a nap. At that point,there is nothing that I can do to help soothe him. Perhaps if the parents, could tell him where they were going and when they will be back. The parents are not open to my suggestions. I don't want to do it anymore... I know that if they had a different care taker, the same scenario would take place. I really want to tell them that I can't do it anymore.

Ask Eleanor :

I certainly understand. You have to take care of yourself. You can been of now help to anyone if you get stressed out to the point of not being able to take it anymore. Are you ready right now to tell them you cannot keep him?

Customer :

Yes, but in my heart, I feel that I need to give them a couple of weeks What do you think?

Ask Eleanor :

Well, how are you going to get through the next two weeks emotionally?

Customer :

I will let him cry it out, and remain nuetral to his crying. I will always talk kindly to him, and more importantly, i will try not to react to the mother but just respond in a kind way to Ben.

Customer :

When the eight year old comes home from school, his mother always yells at him which drives me crazy. I just can't stand to be around the mother. Help

Ask Eleanor :

That sounds perfect.

Ask Eleanor :

Do you keep the 8 year old too?

Customer :

Yes, after school. I really don't like the mother. I am just being tolerant. With that being said,

Customer :

I want out, but they will completely overact. Then I won't be in the picture with my grandkids,

Ask Eleanor :

Well, I don't like either! Mother's should not yell at their children!

Customer :

Help

Ask Eleanor :

You need to keep focused on your goal of being a loving, calm, healthy presense in your grandchildren's lives. You cannot change your daughter-in-law's behavior. Do you know the Serenity Prayer?

Ask Eleanor :

Still there?

Ask Eleanor :

You seem to have gone offline. In case you do not know it, I will type the Serenity Prayer below for you. It is a wonderful prayer, whether you are religious or not. It is used in AA, but is applicable in any difficult life situation. I truly believe it can help upon.

Ask Eleanor :

Grant me the Wisdom to Change the Things I Can

Ask Eleanor :

Sorry, let me start over

Ask Eleanor :

Grant met the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change

Ask Eleanor :

The Courage to Change the Things I Can

Ask Eleanor :

And the Wisdom to Know the Difference

Ask Eleanor :

If you can say this to yourself in the most trying times, it will keep you focused and more calm. I hope this helps. Chat back if you need anything further. I am leaving the site for the evening, but will reply to you tomorrow. Have a good night, Eleanor

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