Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It is very hard to deal with a narcissist. As you may know, Narcissism is a personality disorder which is a category of disorders that are difficult to treat with therapy, even if the person wants help. Everything about a narcissist is "me first". They lack empathy and only want to be involved in something that benefits them in some way. They do not hesitate to say or do hurtful things to someone else. When told about their behavior, they often find ways to make it the other persons fault or they just ignore the information.
Narcissists often provoke emotional reacts in others because their behavior is so offensive and hurtful. To help you cope with your family, you can try training yourself to not react and to remain neutral as possible. Also, it helps to develop a few non emotional responses you can provide to just about anything anyone says to you, especially when someone tries to provoke you. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is a good response to just about any comment. It leaves feelings out of it, negates a reaction and keeps anyone from feeling offended. It also creates a boundary letting the person own the feelings he/she is expressing.
In dealing with your family, it helps to learn as much as you can about narcissism. That way, you are able to respond without feeling provoked. Here are some resources to help you get started:http://suite101.com/article/narcissism-in-a-relationship-a113185 http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydisorders/a/narcissisticpd.htm
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family by Eleanor D. Payson
The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists by Rokelle Lerner
Avoiding your family as much as possible is a good option. However, facing a holiday can be difficult. Narcissists are not good at holding back what they feel. So it is up to you to keep your reaction as neutral as possible. Also, try to get a lot of support from other sources such as friends. If possible, take a supportive friend with you so you don’t feel so alone and ganged up on. If that is not possible, let your family know that you will only be able to spend a short time there. That way, you can have some control over the situation. Finally, be sure to acknowledge that anything they say or do is not about you. It is them. And if things ever do get abusive, leave immediately. You are not required to put up with abuse by anyone, even if it is family.
I hope this has helped you,