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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Ive recently met a girl,she was beautiful and we got on great.

Resolved Question:

I've recently met a girl,she was beautiful and we got on great. This was just for a few hours at the bar until some guys started making fun of her for being canadian or something, then she grabbed her jacket and left, there was an instant connection,i feel. She was leaving for skye and stayin there for 3 days and i was going offshore in 2. So i never saw her again, and now I'm out here with no one to console in. Basically, i was wondering how you can live with regret knowing that something i felt so strongly about was well within your grasp and i did nothing about it
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I’d like to help you with your question.

It is difficult to live with the idea that you could have had something with this person. The brief time you did have together has given you a peek into what could have been a great relationship. And that little bit can leave you imaging the possibilities.

However, the opposite could have been true as well. And that is harder to imagine since you only knew her briefly and the experience was a good one.

Part of seeing the situation for what it is is your ability to know that the relationship could have been good or bad. By not letting yourself see only the good, you balance the scales. So each time you think that letting her go was a mistake, acknowledge that thought. But also include the other side of things. Letting her go could have been the best thing to happen to you. Although you don’t know which one it would have turned out to be, giving equal footing to both sides can help you deal with the situation better.

Also, practice letting the situation go. As with all things that are lost in life, a time of mourning of “what could have been” is ok to do and even healthy. It lets you grieve the loss and move on. By letting yourself grieve over this as with any loss, you are able to process your feelings and put it behind you.

It may also help to talk to others about it. Friends and family can be supportive in helping you deal with your situation. Sharing your thoughts and feelings about it helps to lift your burden and share it so it hurts less.

And know that with time, this will pass on its own. Someday you may see it as one of those stories you tell others and share what could have been, without the hurt being there for you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you very much for your time to answer my question, can you offer any techniques on positive thinking. I'm offshore and have a lot of time to reflect on things and i can be my own worst enemy

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Sure I would be happy to help.

One of the first steps to take in changing your thinking is to pay attention to your inner self talk. That sounds a bit odd, but by paying attention to what you say to yourself and about your world, you can pinpoint where the problem areas are. For example, if you typically react to a compliment by saying, “That is not true. I’m a loser”, then you know you have a poor self image. By identifying these issues, you will know what to work on.

The next step is to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. It helps some people to write down all the positive thoughts about yourself and your life that you can think of. That way, when you have a negative thought, you can turn to the list rather than try to come up with a positive thought to counteract the negative one. And it helps to read the list as often as possible to reinforce these thoughts.

Another step to take, especially if you are having trouble thinking in a positive way, is to ask people who know you to help you make a list of good qualities about you. Another perspective often helps you see things you miss about who you really are.

Also, consider learning as much as you can about positive thinking. Here are some resources to get you started:

http://psychology.about.com/od/PositivePsychology/a/how-to-become-a-positive-thinker.htm

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

Everyday Positive Thinking by Louise Hay

The Path to Success is Paved with Positive Thinking: How to Live a Joy-filled Life and Make Your Dreams Come True by Wally Amos

Kate

 

 

 

 

May I ask that if you are satisfied with my answers that you rate me highly? I am not reimbursed for my work unless it is rated. Thank you! And if you have more questions or need clarification, please let me know.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Having degrees in these areas,were there any insightful quotes or phrases that encouraged you achieve your goals? I know,its completely stupid, it was a short encounter with the girl,and I've had many relationships but she really got to me and i don't know why....

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Not stupid at all. I encourage you to make a list of inspirational quotes that you can look at to help you. Here are some sites to help you:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_inspirational.html

http://www.lifed.com/top-100-inspirational-quotes-to-live-by

Here are a few others that may help:

"The only source of knowledge is experience" Albert Einstein

Sometimes we need to forget some people from out past because of one simple reason: They just don't belong in our future.
Unknown quotes

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Those are brilliant, thank you so much. I particularly like that last one. I appreciate you answering my questions, there's not really anyone i can talk to out here about that sort of thing, it's all very 'macho'. I've no problem wearing my heart on my sleeve, but to have 3 weeks of older guys ripping on you can take its toll. Is there anything other advice you can offer? You've really helped me out and i do appreciate it

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

You're welcome!

Most of all, take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. You need time to work this out so it doesn't bother you anymore. And do as much self help as you can. Learning is always helpful and can get you to where you want to be.

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you kate

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

You're welcome!

Kate

Please don't forget to rate my service as OK or higher so I am credited for my answer. Thanks so much!

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