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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I always have to hit on every girl I meet I am 26 and Ive

Resolved Question:

I always have to hit on every girl I meet I am 26 and I've had to quit one job because of it. I just started my new job which is a really good job and yesterday my 4th day there I hit on one out of the three girls there. I don't know what to do because I want this job but I cant seem to prevent the urge of being self-destructive. Should I acknowledge it and apologize or just try to let t go and move I do not know this is really eating at me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I’d like to help you with your question.

Self destructive behavior usually indicates that you want to hurt yourself because you feel bad about who you are. Self destruction is a way to hurt yourself so your behavior matches how you feel about you as a person. Many people are not aware of these feelings and carry out self destructive behaviors without knowing how to stop.

Knowing that hitting on women at work is not good for your career may not stop the compulsion to do so. That is because your feeling about yourself is strong enough to override your logical thoughts. You see the danger in your behavior but the emotions are stronger.

In order to stop self destructive behavior, it helps to know why you are doing this to yourself. Unresolved childhood issues are a common cause such as abuse, neglect or trauma. Emotional needs are not met so the person adapts dysfunctional behaviors in order to compensate. Self destructive behavior is one of them. By exploring your past for answers, you may be able to work with a therapist to resolve the root issue. By resolving the root issue, you will eliminate the need to be self destructive.

To find a therapist, you can ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

You can also use self help. There are many resources that can help you gain insight into the issue and find ways to counter act your urge to self destruct. Here are some to help you get started:

Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior by Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg

The Self-Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps to an Unhealthier You by Adam Wasson and Jessica Stamen

Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back by Milton R. Cudney and Robert E. Hardy

It may be better for you to try to work on your issues and put your past behavior at work behind you. Unless the behavior has become an issue and has threatened your job, leaving it in the past is the best option. And if you work on correcting your behavior through therapy and self help, that will go a long way at work to improve your reputation.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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