How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Doctor Rao Your Own Question

Doctor Rao
Doctor Rao, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 641
Experience:  MBBS,MD,DPM,MRCPsych
67112189
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Doctor Rao is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wife is 43 years old and for the past year plus has pulled

Resolved Question:

My wife is 43 years old and for the past year plus has pulled away from me and my kids. We had a good marriage for 19 years. She goes back and forth constantly. She goes through periods where she can't seem to be around me, then out of the blue hugs me and shows me affection. She is currently out of the house, but hasn't mentioned divorce in a long time. The kids are with me, and she comes over every day. She will go through periods where she is constantly contacting me, and asks me to go places, then will go through periods where she disappears and seems to want distance. Any help would be greatly appreciated
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 2 years ago.

Doctor Rao :

Hi are you online?

Doctor Rao :

It must be frustrating and confusing for you, the whole situation.

Customer:

extremely. It's killing me

Doctor Rao :

i can see that. You have mentioned that for the past year she has been pulled away from you by kids, can you tell me more please about this

Customer:

Can't figure this out

Customer:

Not by the kids. Pulling away from me, then comes back. It seems to be a cycle

Doctor Rao :

ok.sorry, you meant pulled away from you and kids. I got it. is she not living with you now? if not, has this happened before, i mean leaving home,returning

Doctor Rao :

as you mentioned that, does it follows any arguments or disagreement

Doctor Rao :

if you don't mind me asking, how old are the kids?

Customer:

She was going to leave in december, but stayed. We had two decent months, then she fell again. Broke down in August and said she wanted tonstay, then left again two days later. comes over all the time. Sometimes affectionate, sometimes cold

Customer:

No arguments. Kids are 13 and 15

Doctor Rao :

ok.

Doctor Rao :

does she have any mental health problems? does she have any trust issues?

Customer:

Is this something I just have to let her go through?

Customer:

No mental health issues. No trust issues

Doctor Rao :

well.As you said she seems to be going through the circles..but this might not be helpful for you and kids as this situation would not allow you to come to terms and move.In the same way, might be unsettling for the kids.When she come home alternate days, does she give you any explanation? is there any financial dependence for her to return home alternate days?

Customer:

She comes over every day. sometimes all day, then leaves. She is financially independent

Doctor Rao :

ok.i am sure you both might have discussed about the long term plans?

Doctor Rao :

what is her longterm plan and what do you want to happen..because we need to look in to what you want and find the way if we can or else to look for other options

Customer:

Not really. She said she wanted to divorce months ago, but hasn't mentioned it all all in months. I'm taking the approach of letting it run its course. seems like a midlife crisis to me

Doctor Rao :

ok.sorry to ask you a bit sensitive question, is she currently in any relationship with anyone?

Customer:

Not that I know of

Doctor Rao :

ok.

Doctor Rao :

I think it would be unsettling for you unless you know what is happening. but, i gather from your answer that you didn't want to go through divorce route if possible, in other words, would like to be with her if possible. What was her rationale for moving out of family home? because that gives us insight in to the next course of action

Customer:

Said she wanted to see if we could make it work, but couldn't be in the house to do that. Also was going out last fall and winter alot. very uncharacteristic of her

Doctor Rao :

OK.

Doctor Rao :

I think it is important for you both to have a open,transparent discussion and also have pragmatic discussion. It might be helpful to seek Family and couple therapy because with the professional it gives a chance to see the others perspective of the problem.any relationship to nurture there should be commitment from both sides.It seems you both want dot be together deep down and willing to give another go.So, rather than trying yourselves it might be helpful to try with professionals help. it is very important whilst discussing any issue, not to criticise the person but can comment on the action.by this way, the other person would not see it as an attack on the personality.

Customer:

So u believe she wants to stay in the relationship deep down ?

Doctor Rao :

Please discuss and consider seriously seeking relationship counselling. You both need to be open about what characteristics in other would be tolerable,acceptable and what not.It is important to be flexible in this approach as we all have limitations to our personality and if both show some flexibility and commitment this might work

Doctor Rao :

I guess so, although difficult to be hundred percent.Otherwise once she got the away card would use it to her benefit and do no show

Doctor Rao :

please consider the options discussed.

Doctor Rao :

please do not hesitate to ask for more information if required at this stage

Doctor Rao, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 641
Experience: MBBS,MD,DPM,MRCPsych
Doctor Rao and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Doctor Rao
Doctor Rao
641 Satisfied Customers
MBBS,MD,DPM,MRCPsych