Hey Kate :). Just checking in. A lot has been going on. I have still been doing EMDR. It has been really rough and I had not seen much progress. But I went again Tuesday, and it was very hard - I cried pretty much th whole time - but the EMDR seemed to have some positive effect. Plus, Rose (unlike Linda) argues with me and doesn't back down and will just tell me I am wrong and ask me pointed questions, and push me to tell her what I am thinking or feeling (she says I need to say it - she doesn't let me sit there thinking or crying in silence. Although this is uncomfortable, and I've heard everything she tells me before, the way she says things and her style seem to be effective with me. So I feel a bit more encouraged about that.
I have seen Linda a few times since I started the EMDR and call her sometimes. But when we meet, she is tryin to keep it light, which is light, but I feel like I am paying to chat with her, which I could do with a friend.
I have had a really tough several weeks. First, I had my briefcase in my car one Sunday because I was going to work after church. During church, someone broke into my car and stole stuff - including my briefcase. No big deal ordinarily - except for the briefcase. I had client files and personal info in them. I was so upset no know better than to leave it in my car. I had to call all those clients, make sure they all too all the identity theft protection measures, etc., and just knowing that someone had all their personal info. Had to alert my insurance carrier, etc. it was a mess and I felt like such a loser. I really screwed up. Thankfully, all of the clients were very understanding. But that also wasted a lot of time in doing all that, and recreating files, etc.
Then, the next weekend I spent all day Saturday moving p's parents' stuff from their house and moving her brother and sister-in-law, then woke up in the middle of the night thinking I pulled a muscle or something - got worse and worse - it turns out that I had a kidney stone. I have never had one before - came out of the blue. That took a couple days to pass, so I wasted those days either in pain throwing up, or drugged out. Meanwhile, we were supposed to close on our new house and its been a mess (turns out it was the sellers' realtor not communicating with them). finally closed yesterday - but it's taken so much time going back and forth with the realtor, lender, title co. Ugh.
Last Wednesday was 20 years since what happened. It was upsetting - I guess since I just feel like I should be so much further along. And also - it just bothered me. Not sure exactly what it was. I felt very alone. And, honestly, I was really hurt that Linda didnt at least call me that day to ask how I was doi. Or something. Maybe that is an unreasonable expectation. I know she probably didnt remember - but she knew the week before. I know it should not upset me - its not her responsibility. But it did
Then, to top it off, yesterday on my way to work, I rear-ended a woman, whose car then hit the one in front of her. She was hurt. She hit her chest on the steering wheel and had back and neck pain. I feel terrible that I hurt her. The EMTs said she would be okay, but they took her in an ambulance. I feel like such a jerk.
I can't seem to get a break. And much of it is my own actions. I am really hoping this month is better :).
How are you??