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Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
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I am the mother of a 4 year old little girl and I am currently

Customer Question

I am the mother of a 4 year old little girl and I am currently dating someone that has been in my childs life since she was 2. I understand that I can be very easy going when it comes to disciplining my child and the man that I am dating is also a single parent. he helps my daughter with things that are necessary and gives structure that is needed for her but she hates when we go to his house to hang out and doesnt want to play with his son and always says that she is tired when she is tired when we are here. I dont know what to do. please help me
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 2 years ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over and consider your question.

Ask Eleanor :

I am sorry that your daughter is having difficulty adjusting the man you are dating; and know it is very stressful for you. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples in your situation for 20 years. In order to give you my best answer, I will need a bit more information. How long have the two of you been dating. How was he involved in your lives before you started dating? How old is his son? Does he discipline your daughter? Thanks, Eleanor

Customer :

me and the man have been dating on and off for 2 years. he knew my daughter before we became acquainted. my mom would take her to the park while I was at work and he would be there with his son who is a year and a few months older than my daughter. he would take my daughter to the store when he would take his son and they had an awesome bond. so when we started dating it just made sense but whenever he tries to teach her something or do an academic activity with her she would get an all in a tizzy... crying and just acting like a baby, its crazy.when we broke up it was because I simply wanted to play the field. he has put her in the corner but that was under my direction.

Ask Eleanor :

Hi and thank you for answering my questions. It is very important for you to continue to be the authority and disciplinary parent for your daughter. You need to be the one to put her in the corner, not him. You are correct in that she is not used to having anyone but you in her life, and she should not be expected to accept this man as a father, parent figure right now. It is a very good sign that she was fine being with him and his son when they were doing something fun.

Ask Eleanor :

If you can step back into your parent role with her and get him out of that role, I believe your daughter will calm down. Children require a lot of time to adjust to a new adult in their lives. Blending families is a process and often requires professional help. I believe the two of you would greatly benefit from a few sessions with a family therapist. You may go to www.TherapistLocator.net and www.psychologytoday.com to search for those where you live. I hope this helps. Chat back if you need anything further. If you are satisfied with my answer, please submit a positive rating. I wish you all the best, take care, Eleanor

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Ask Eleanor
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Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years