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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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I am 61 lost my mum, who was my world,18months ago, then my

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I am 61 lost my mum, who was my world,18months ago, then my daughters marriage broke up suddenly, now he wants the youngest girl who thirteen and her mums world along with that we moved 30mins drive away from them and have always lived close. My husband is 18yrs older than me at 80yrs but will not give up doing gardening to help his friend and an other person who takes advantsge as she can afford to pay but $5 dollars an hour sounds good to her. he also has a drinking problem as he has a lot of pain. at this moment I feel like his friend are more important than me, our garden looks like a mess, the garage is so full of junk that the car does not fit but these two people phone and he is out the door. we go no where as he can not drive for long and food outside the house is not worth eating. at home he does do all the cooking, will help with the household which is great but I just feel I am not his first priorety, also voulenteers for the Red Cross. On the days he home he sits reading
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 1 year ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I can assist you. Welcome and thank you for your post.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sorry for your loss of your mum- only 18 short months ago. This must be especially difficult during a time like this, when things are more difficult for her.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This sounds like a very difficult time in your life, loss of your mother, the break up of your daughter's marriage, and feeling all alone in this. This is a time when you need love and support the most, but it sounds like your husband is not there for you. It's very understandable that it's difficult to not worry and be happy.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It also sounds like your anti depressant is not working- and may be feeling more depressed. It's no wonder with what you describe. You are overwhelmed and need support.

Customer:

boy is ,he did not even hold me at funeral that was left to others, it did not sink in till after because my daughter, 2 granddaughters and little grandson needed me. but then in other ways he could not be nicer, he just can show greif

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank you for joining the chat. Again, I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. A time when you need and deserve support. The loss of your mother, and break up of your daughter's marriage- two major things that are out of your control- that can create a sense of helplessness, hopelessness. You are grieving the loss of your beloved mother- that loss hurts deeply and will take time to heal.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Some people really struggle with the funeral- feel frozen, not sure what to say, how to be helpful.

Customer:

today is hard as I don't know how to get my daughter to fight for her daughter because her x husband has lapel her a slut and is taking the thirteen year off her and after everything he has put her through she can take no more

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes, I'm sure you want your daughter to fight- it's your granddaughter. Your daughter has been through a lot. Your husband is from the "old school" I would imagine, not so great at showing, sharing emotion, instead he may retreat, shut people out. I wonder if he just doesn't know what would be helpful to you. He may be feeling inadequate because he can't take the hurt away for you. Men often think when there is a problem they need to "solve" it verses just hold, support, and listen.

Customer:

Thats him, he never stops me from shopping and getting what I want, I just wish we could spend time doing some fun things , he 80 now and has work hard all his life, but the doctor keeps telling him if he does not do the garden he will stiffen and be in a wheelchair. surly he could do our garden , go for walks with me but she wants a cheap gardener tells him different

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sure you would like to take the hurt away from your daughter too- you want your family together, and it may feel like you are losing so much right now. You may consider being really specific with your husband about what would be helpful and supportive- like going for a walk. He sounds like a good helper for others- kind. If he can not provide the support it is important for you to find it somewhere. Maybe counseling would benefit you for the support. There is a lot going on, very overwhelming for you. It is no wonder you feel like going to bed and shut out the world- you are hurting.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Your husband cares and loves you in his way- may not be what you want and need right now.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Have you considered joining some of your husband's activities like gardening, volunteering for Red Cross? It sounds like you really want to spend time with him. If he doesn't join you- you may have to join him.

Customer:

My anti depressant are as strong they come ( efexor xe 150mg) have tried to change but did not work. husband called me for lunch. thank you for listening.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are welcome- take care- I hope things go better for you and you get the support you need.

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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