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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I having a really hard time with my wifes baby blues. She

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I having a really hard time with my wife's baby blues. She just had a baby and I am in another country, so skype is the only way we can currently communicate. She has post partum depression and the baby cries for hours on end which makes her lose her mind. I try to help with suggestions about her getting out of the house for a bit even for a 15 minute walk. She then proceeds to tell me she can't. I get so frustrated and I then want to lose my mind, because she in turn is just suffering and not doing anything to help herself. I have tried every approach imaginable to tell her to get some time to herself and she is just not listening to me. Can you please write some things to do for her, so as I could show it to her and say this is from an expert and you might not take my word for it but please take a trained professional's word that she needs to do things for herself. Thank you!
Hello, I believe we spoke before about your wife's situation before.

I am sorry to hear that she is not feeling better. Sometimes, the depression after having a child can become so difficult that you are not motivated to do anything.

Here are some other suggestions for your wife:

Ask for help. A mother with a new baby is overwhelmed. But often they refuse to ask for help thinking that they can do it themselves. Since you are both separated and you cannot be there to help, you can arrange for others to be there for her. Family, friends or a trusted neighbor can help. Even a few hours of time for your wife can make a difference. Ask family and friends to make dinners or do errands.

Hire help. A housekeeper for a few hours a week can give your wife time to tend to the baby or even take a nap while the baby naps. Pay for meals for a few days a week or even for a month or two.

Have your wife make a list of things that will help her to feel better. Since she is not open to your suggestions, then having her tell you what she feels would help makes sense. Then follow up on the list.

Encourage your wife to keep in mind that this only lasts for a few months. Once the baby becomes more mobile, it will get easier. Every day is long, but each day is closer to the baby being more independent.

Let your wife talk about how she feels. She needs to express her feelings so she can feel better. Try to let her talk then ask her how you can help.

Read about post partum depression and books about motherhood in general. It will help your wife feel less alone to know that others experience the same thing.

If she can, have your wife talk to other mothers. She needs to try to feel less isolated and be able to talk about something besides babies. It will help her feel better intellectually.

If your wife is not willing to use any suggests or even come up with her own, you may want to consider asking her to see her doctor to determine if she would benefit from medication and/or therapy until she feels better. She might need medications to help her lift the depression she feels.

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