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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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my grilfriend was going out with two guys before i started

Resolved Question:

my grilfriend was going out with two guys before i started datingher she said that they never slept together.iam not so sure if i knew truth icould move on i don,t want marry a women that would deal with men like that after 13 years i hate this had to come up i ask her to  take alie detetor test she refuse and said it was a insult. what should i do ido love her and i know she a good women.

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I can assist you- thanks for your question today- Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

What stood out in what you post is that she was transparent in being willing to tell you, and you said she's a "good woman".

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you interested in a live chat?

Customer:

i guess the question is do i beleive her that she didnt sleep with these guy i know she didnt sleep with me right away


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This creates fear and uncertainty for you- of course. Asking if she will take a lie detector test may push her away, prevent her from being open and honest with you in the future. I think if you want a future with her you have to have faith and believe her yes.

Customer:

i should let thing go and try build on the postive thing that we havedone and their are many she help raise my sons and i love her for that


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The thing to put more energy into is the idea she is with you, and your future together- one cannot live happily in the fear of the future- takes lots of energy. We all have a "history" in relationships before we meet someone special- kiss the toads before we find our prince or princess. Right now you are her prince.

Customer:

i wonder way iam so insurse of this great women in the begain their no fear now som e people at work started making comment about her because she is the big boss and it is hurtful to me


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

The two of you can work through this- or let the past lie- in the past. You also have children- it's worth faith in her to make it work for your family. She's good to your children- that's priceless! That says a lot about the kind of woman, person she is- good, kind, generous. We all get a bit scared when someone means the world to us- that's normal- we don't want to lose what we cherish. All we have is the "now"- the present is a "present". You know her in a different way than those at work do- we tend to be a different person at work, vs. at home.

Customer:

thank you so much this is really put thing in order i have understandestand that everybody has a pass that were i should leave it thanks alot.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's good for you to process this- your worries, your fears- most of it is just thinking, right- doesn't mean it's true. Continue to process those emotions- with a friend- someone you trust. Think a bit about where your insecurities stem from- growing up, past relationship... It sounds like fear.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are welcome- my pleasure!!

Customer:

my frist wife cheated on me and knew i had so trust issuie and i need to comforint them everybody not the same


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm glad you posted today- to help you sort this out. Know that this will come up now and then- remind yourself it's the "fear" speaking, and try to quiet your fears with identifying what is going right vs. what might go wrong.

Customer:

i will do that and have a great day.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hey maybe you should buy her some flowers:):)!!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You have a great day yourself!

Customer:

sound good


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you would be so kind to rate my answer okay or above so I can get credit- much appreciated!

Customer:

i will do that


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank you!

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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