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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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hello. My BF I believe is depressed. He swings back and forth

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hello. My BF I believe is depressed. He swings back and forth between wanting chldren then cancells dinner date. Cant keep plans. I get angry and he says he doesnt want fighting he is saying it is over. I Maybe he is more than depressed. This is a cycle. For 5 months plus now, he violates my expectations, i get angry, mention something, he breaks up, he then turns it around, i apologize and he comes back. This happens over and over. Not sure why he cant have a fulfilling relationship. Cancelling plans last minute that i actually invite him to. Says he just can't. He takes situations and blows them out of perportion and goes on pitty parties. He sabatages relationships and himself. I dont understand. I do love him. If it depression i can better understand. He isnt willing to get help as he says pills or therapy wont make his situation better. He has 3 children with 3 different women. The one daughter he can see is about to move far away with the mom. Instead of him fighting for her to stay , he says just go and wollows in self pitty. He shoots himself in the foot.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ok I noticed his withdrawl then back out of it a yr ago. But really has been last month. I forgot to add he said "i feel dead inside" Today he said "I wish i were dead" I wish I had the courgae to end it all." Not sure he reassures me he will pop out of it and will not harm himself. He is actually thinking of moving to UK. I guess i am asking what should i do. I think he needs help. Is is a cry for help or is it a pitty party. He is ignorig me right now. In the last yr he has shut out a few relationships. Now ost his daughter instead of fighting for her. Is it poss he is depressed or just wants out of relationship as he or we hv done this so many times.

Hi there
Thank you for your reply.
It sounds like he exhibits depressed mood and mood swings.
His words are indicative of feelings of hopelessness. That's a sign of depression. He doesn't fight for his daughter as he may be depressed and apathetic. Also, he seems to have mood swings that may be causing problems in your relationship.

It's possible that he may have Bipolar disorder if you have "wild" mood swings. Bipolar disorder is dysregulation of mood, attention and energy.
Bipolar disorder is associated with mood swings that range from the lows of depression to the highs of mania. When a person becomes depressed, he/she may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in many activities. When a person's mood shifts in the other direction, her or she may feel euphoric and full of energy. Mood shifts may occur only a few times a year, or as often as several times a day.

It's important for him to find out whether he has major depression or Bipolar disorder.

If he has severe mood swings, he may need to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist for assessment/testing.

He may benefit from continuing weekly psychotherapy whether he has depression, anxiety, dysthymic disorder or Bipolar disorder.

Let me explain about depression: Depression can disrupt the nerve impulses that carry a constant stream of orders from the brain to the muscles. When the depressed brain slows down, so do the signals to all parts of body. Symptoms of anxiety overlap those of depression. Depression affects MEMORY, problem-solving ability, language, perception and is accompanied by nervous tension, anxiety, and profound fatigue. It can generate pain and aches. Medical reasons for Depression may include thyroid hormone abnormality, Vitamin B12 Deficiency, Chronic pain, Stroke (Brain injury), Alzheimer’s disease to name a few. Malnutrition/brain damage can dull mood further. Excessive alcohol use may aggravate depression. Some medication can cause or contribute to depression. Your doctor should know all the medication that you are taking.

If he has Bipolar disorder, he may need to continue working with psychiatrist (M.D.) and psychotherapist. Treatment consists of pharmacotherapy (by psychiatrist), individual psychotherapy (Cognitive-behavior therapy - CBT) or Interpersonal therapy (ITP) by a licensed psychologist or psychotherapist), and group therapy or support group by a psychotherapist.

Please feel free to ask me a question if you have even after you get this answer.
All the best,
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