Dear Dr Keane (only)I am still not really sure how to write this but giving it a go anyway. I need you to know that this is more a thought that I used to have, not exactly frequently, but more than what I ever do now. I was thinking more about what I used to think at times in the past, more than I think now. I am asking about it because it is a thought that worries me, not so much about the nature of it because so far I have not had it for quite a long time, so don't know really why I'm concerned about it now (and I'm trying to not waste the good energy on it too much), well, perhaps because I have a bit of a fear about it coming back. In some ways I think my thoughts are changing for the better but I know before ever knowing I could talk to you, I used to think things like doing nothing except work, eat and sleep. These days on the rare occassion now when that does crop up I think how boring life would be without different experiences and what about the places yet to visit and the people who might be met. After all meeting new people and seeing new things is exciting as is seeing long term friends. And then there are the things that I have achieved and still want to do. This is a thought that periodically comes and then it goes for some reason, although thoughts of not doing anything fun or worthwhile are fading. When I think that I ever thought like this, it actually makes me feel a bit upset. I am trying hard to like myself and see myself as being worthwhile more and more. I still sometimes hope that I am seen to be worthwhile. Is it that I might be growing, so seeking ways of not going so far back to where I was? Do you think that the fact that these days that I am wanting to understand more and develop more is a decent sign of growth. I hope I don't come across as being obsessive about it. I know there's a line of being self-centered and obsessive and having a healthy attitude towards it. The fact that I still care and want to do things for others is means that I am going about it all in the right sort of way. I will hasten to add here that I had a great time on vacation seeing and doing lots of things and experiencing just so much, too much perhaps as I feel it now I'm back, but worth the trip, even though I did feel anxious at times, but thankfully not enough to spoil anything. I just thought I’d say this and if I got an opinion. Your opinion would be greatly appreciated as always. I hope this makes sense. This is just something that I was thinking when I was away, but didn't know how to put it. I still don't know if I've worded it right because what I am trying to avoid is it reading that I don't want to be doing anything because that isn't true. Also I'm tired from my trip and feel a bit anxious and probably inadvertantly waking up at some ridiculous hour doesn't help with that. I was going to see if you had time for a live chat about this but forgot until today that until Thursday I've meetings to attend, so I'm in and out a lot today and hardly here tomorrow. I hope that you are well and had a good week. I hope to hear from you soon and I am still very glad that I still have your support and still pleased with all the advice and knowledge you share with me.
Hi, glad you enjoyed your time away. The good news here is that you are looking at this from a place of emotional growth. You recognize that, had you remained "stuck" in that place, you would never venture out and have new experiences. Maybe, instead of remembering and getting upset (just a bit) because you can't believe you ever thought that way, think about it differently and give yourself a big pat on the back. In other words, view it as a "wow", look how far I have grown, versus being hard on yourself and getting upset. Lose the negative and focus on the positives.
Also, as much as coming home can be a positive, there is a let down as well. You'll adjust again within a couple of days. I will not be online much for the next few days myself.
oh, just missed you.