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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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I am an adopted (at 5 days old), only child that lost my father

Resolved Question:

I am an adopted (at 5 days old), only child that lost my father at age 22 and my mother last year (June 23; my 47th birthday was the day after she passed). My mom and I had a very dependent relationship all our lives. I have suffered with depression all my life. I remember being frightened since I can remember about being left all alone and not knowing how to handle.... 'life on lifes' terms'. I am immature emotionally, although I made an 'adult' decision to divorce my husband of 4 years in 2010, because I knew it was inevidable and wanted to be respectful enough to let him go before mom passed - instead of after. I have also succeeded as a LPC, although I got fired from my last job a couple weeks after mom passed. Unemployment is over and no jobs avialable. I am a good counselor, volunteering 2x's a week at a Medical Cheritable Clinic - when I can get myself to go....
I am a recovering addict of 12 years, having relapsed from Dec last year to Feb this yr. (As this plays a part in all my affairs). I feel ALONE, LOST in space and Severely DEPRESSED. I have NO family - Alone on the Planet... I do have a fair support group with friends/NA members.
I often feel as though my work here is done and would rather 'not be here any longer', But I dont believe that it's my place to take my life, it's Gods or I probably would have already. I cant seem to get 'UNSTUCK' from inside my head; on the verge of insanity... Please help. I do have a psychiatrist and therapist and am taking anti-depressants. Dont know what else to say...Thats it in a nutshell....
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hello, I'm available to assist you- Welcome!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sorry for such a tragic loss. I can only imagine that fear you've had of being left all alone felt true when your mother passed.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Part of what you must be dealing with now is grief that is compounded with your depression. This is difficult for any one person to endure- even if you are a LPC.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It sounds like you have done some good work in your recovery.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

What makes you a good counselor is the depth of feeling you've experienced- most enlightened when we've been in the dark. Being fired, and other life stressors adds layers onto what you have been dealing with.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Being dependent on your mother makes this loss even more significant for you. Are you reliving that fear of being left alone- do you feel alone?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you interested in a live chat?

Customer:

yes... is there a fee ?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thanks for joining me. There is a fee- what was your deposit?

Customer:

total $


22, dep $5

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm not really sure. Do you want to check with customer service?

Customer:

below where I type is how to rate the response and it is overlapping words and the right side is cut off....


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm sorry for the trouble

Customer:

can we chat here a minute... I didnt really hear an 'answer', just empathy and support....


 

Customer:

bottom of screen is better...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

No I did not complete my answer- hoping for a live chat

Customer:

chat here a min....


 

Customer:

my un


employment has expired, no income...

Customer:

please


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are in a difficult place. It sounds like you've done some great work in your recovery.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Did you say you are a counselor yourself?

Customer:

yes, since 2005.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you think you are experiencing that big fear of being left- it may be fear you are experiencing again.

Customer:

It is STILL fear I am experiencing....


 

Customer:

not again...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You also may be dealing with trauma with the death of your mother.

Customer:

yes


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Still fear- yes I understand

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Are you familiar with EMDR?

Customer:

Im having an Identity crisis....


 

Customer:

No...


 

Customer:

EMDR ?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

EMDR is a good treatment for trauma. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Customer:

can i click on ur name, to the left


and not loose our conversation?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Can you tell me more about what you mean about "identity crisis"?

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes, I believe you could do that

Customer:

No family, no career - at the moment, and forgetting more than I knew by the minute, it seems; no one to take care of ( mom had several health issues for MANY years and no one to take care of me...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

How long has it been "this bad"

Customer:

2011 mom was very ill, in and out of hospital, died June - Very bad then


 

Customer:

From June til about Thanksgiving, nesting (as we shared a home) and organizing, yard sales....


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

As a counselor yourself- it sounds like you have to find a way to get out of your head, and or be less critical. No career- do you plan to continue in the field or considering other work??

Customer:

then from Dec to March I DID NOT FUNCTION


 

Customer:

LOF maybe 30


 

Customer:

March to June better- even pink cloud for awhile


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

This is a major loss for you- especially considering the fear going so far back. Saw a little hope with a "pink cloud"

Customer:

After the year anniversary been going down hill....


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's not uncommon that the grief can be delayed.

Customer:

I saw the hope too, lost it since.


 

Customer:

Plan to continue to counsel/


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Or grief can get worse before it gets better.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Let me ask you this- if your good friend came to you with what you describe what would you tell her? What I'm inclined to tell you is what you feel is not right or wrong it's just tremendous intense emotion that hurts like hell.

Customer:

FUDGE !!!!! How much longer...... I can deal with the periodic intense grief that comes fairly often, its the continuous feeling of not being grounded or having direction....


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you think your meds pooped out? What has helped you the most in your recovering, therapy etc.

Customer:

Ive never been in a Valley even similar to this, I think its a hole...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Sometimes when in therapy, treatment etc.for a while- we have to revisit what has worked the best.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- you hope a hole where you can go up only right!!

Customer:

Just switched to Prozac about a month ago. Took last one of Vybrid on a Mon and 20mg of Prozac the next.


 

Customer:

For 2 weeks now Ive been on 40mg for at least 2 weeks.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It will likely get better- time is the best healer with grief- especially complicated. Do you think the med is helping?

Customer:

hole, only up... I like that... : )\


 

Customer:

No meds not helping


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You may be having a response to the change in med too- since it sounds like a drastic down for you.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Need to rule those things out- have you had a physical lately?

Customer:

Cant distinguish one 'drastic down' from the next.....


 

Customer:

yes.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's most important for you to get in touch with your emotions- such a counselor thing to say huh?

Customer:

just got lab work done. All is well....


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Glad all is well physically- good

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It may be important to do the opposite of what you feel like doing- get out and volunteer, go to more meetings, call friends more often etc.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

When depressed- we feed the depression with isolation, stinkin thinkin and all that.

Customer:

lol. oh, Im in touch..... I need a break, just a few minutes or days....not literally taking vacation, cause where ever I go, there I am


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

love that- can not outrun yourself- you have a good sense of humor- you need to laugh more- that can help too.

Customer:

volunteer- check. 1-2 mtngs a day - check. talk w/ friends daily - check...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

If you went to bed tonight and you woke up and a miracle happened what would your day look like- specifically

Customer:

feel like Im inside looking out and no one can really see me


 

Customer:

Ahhh, the Miracle Question.....


 

Customer:

1st, I would be glad I woke up...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

How would you know you were glad you woke up? Good you are doing all the things I would suggest. Support, support and support

Customer:

then go through my day without thinking about how I can get back to bed sooner... Just Live and Enjoy the moment(s) that I would be in...


 

Customer:

I wouldnt want to roll over and wish I could sleep through the day


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Part of that miracle question is identifying what the change would "look" like

Customer:

I dont feel as though I have a purpose...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you get up a certain time, shower, .... structure?

Customer:

Usually go to an 8am meeting, clean house and or walk/hike then shower... and nap the rest of the day away.


 

Customer:

thank u for taking time w/ me.....


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Has the volunteer work helped?? Service to others? Yes I hear your sense of hopelessness- that's a difficult and dark place to be. Good structure is good- any way we can get you to sleep less- in order for change to happen a change needs to happen. I'm sure you are exhausted though.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Know you are not alone- take a look at your thoughts- yes CBT!!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It can get better- don't lose hope

Customer:

volunteering does help and I usually go and do get out of my head for a bit. But get easily tired and overwhelmed.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- any diversion to get out of your head is good-

Customer:

Thats what my therapist and I are addressing- rational vs. irrational thoughts.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

YES YES our thoughts- we can be so so hard on our self- think what you would say to a friend- say that to yourself.

Customer:

The question (comments) I typed to u are FACTS, my feelings my be irrational at times but the Fear is Real.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

How would you comfort a friend? Yes- it's real- first hand experience- that's what reinforces this yes!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Fear is at the core

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's hard to venture out- trust the world- trust you will find love, safety etc.

Customer:

Im familiar with 'staying in the moment', thought stopping, relaxation techniques, putting my 'feelings' on a 1-10 scale, Identifying other feelings I have through out the day- that lifes not ALL bad.... just the


majority of it...

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Journal writing can help sometimes.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You know all this stuff- as a counselor yourself!!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's hard work- I think you will feel better- maybe an "episode" so to say

Customer:

tell me about EMDR...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You said you are having trouble get "unstuck from inside your head"- that means identifying those emotions- feeling those emotions. yes.

Customer:

reword.... ? Not understanding the question.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

It's processing trauma using bilateral stimulization and assisting client to install resources to cope, think more positively, empowered.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I meant- when we are stuck in our head- may be time to identify all the emotions- writing, talking etc.

Customer:

stuck in same thoughts - obsessive and same feelings/


behaviors- compulsive.

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Do you want a web link for emdr?

Customer:

sure.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

ok let me grab it- be right back

Customer:

is this voluntary on your part or is this website a job ?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

http://www.emdria.org/ Website is sort of a side job- yes it pays a little bit-

Customer:

no jobs to be found here, I am a good cnslr, maybe a job on the net...?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- you can look into it- to become an "expert" they just verify your license.

Customer:

i would go to the homepage...?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Hey maybe if nothing else- you find a job!!! I came across this website in a magazine and applied

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes go to home page- there is a tab- become an expert.

Customer:

kool...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

YES- it's really flexible can be on lots or little to answer questions

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You could be a great help for others- the addiction piece can help lots too- to have knowledge of that

Customer:

would like to give a GREAT RATING..... and you've been very kind, but I want Un


stuck although cant expect that to happen in a brief conversation....

Customer:

Addiction is everywhere.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

We take lemons and make lemonade right??

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- I see it often on questions- it's a difficult thing- effects lots of people and their family.

Customer:

I make better lemonade for others than myself...


 

Customer:

ok, I'll check into being an expert..... not sur.


e what else to say

Jean N/20pluscounts :

People are just trying to cope- get through life- alcohol and drugs may seem to work for a time- but as you know becomes part of the problem.. Yes- the helper, caretaker type- I know the feeling :)

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I hope I helped a little bit- if nothing else maybe an opportunity to join the team!!

Customer:

Drugs are a symptom of the Problem...


 

Customer:

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX ?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Yes- you got that right.

Customer:

what state are u in ?


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

You are welcome- please rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credit. Thanks for your question!

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'm in WI

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Experts are from all over

Customer:

Have a God Week !!!!!


 

Customer:

: )


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Thank you - you too

Customer:

any other suggestions I have an email address.....


 

Customer:

i'm desperate.


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

Once you accept - I will follow up to see how things are going- no extra cost

Jean N/20pluscounts :

I'll check in- in 2-3 days- does that sound ok?

Customer:

Great. Gives me hope... Thanks again.


 

Customer:

Sounds good...


 

Jean N/20pluscounts :

My pleasure- take care of yourself!!

Customer:

Back at cha !


 

Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Jean and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Nancy,
I hope this message finds you a bit more hopeful. Let me know how things are going.
Jean

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Jean
Jean
Psychotherapist
332 Satisfied Customers
Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)