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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Hi! My sister is an alcoholic and because I have sided with

Customer Question

Hi! My sister is an alcoholic and because I have sided with her children (who are now adults) my family has cut me out of their lives. They don't believe my sister's children, they choose to believe the lies my sister tells. We have always been a close knit family and I know they are enabling my sister by believing her lies and choose to cut me from their lives. I stand alone in this battle. Is there anything I can do to make my family see the truth?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

This is a very common problem in alcoholic families and I am sorry to know that you are enduring it.


 

Bill :

It is very difficult and you should feel comfortable in defining your boundaries and not be engaged in the dyfunctional dynamics of the family system.


 

Bill :

Are you available to chat now?


 

Bill :

Alcoholism is a disease and effect the entire family..


 

Bill :

It is important that you get support and help from others who are also effected. This can be accomplished by becoming involved in ALANON.


 

Bill :

attached is weblink for support and information in your area:


 

Bill :

Additional information is available here:


 

Bill :

It is important that you recognize the dynamics of co-dependency in the family. Help in defining boundaries and setting limits with family members is available here:


 

Bill :

Review the above information and feel free to contact me with follow up with me for additional assistance.


 

Bill :

I am happy to help.


 

Bill :

Kind regards, Bill


 

Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

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If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Other.
Bill sent me to links that I have read before. I just want to know why you think that my family refuses to see my sister's drinking problem and why I feel I have to dis-associate myself from my parents and other siblings!
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I wanted to come in to offer some support since you have relisted your question. I believe that what you are experiencing is very common unfortunately and you ask a great question as to why your family refuses to see your sister's drinking problem. The simple answer is because it is too painful and the denial of the reality protects them from this pain. It may also protect them from having to look at their own behavior and see how they might be enabling and contributing to the continuation of the disease. It would seem obvious that they would want to get her the help but if the pain around the acknowledgment seems to be too much to bear, then that may be why they refuse to see the problem that she has.

You are able to see it clearly and desire their support, and because they won't give it to you and you won't agree with them, the split in the family occurs. this is also very painful for all of you. The denial that they have can only last for so long and as she gets deeper and deeper into the disease things may come to a head. Keep supporting your niece and nephews as you have. It seems like they do need your voice of reason and reality in a very painful situation.

Let me know your thoughts. I am happy to support you further.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Jen. Another quick question, why did my mother tell my husband to let me "see a psychiatrist".... is it because she thinks I am lying about my sister.....and the fact that I stand by my niece and nephews....also why is no one in my family calling me or accepting my phone calls.....

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I think it may feel easier to put the blame outward toward you rather than look at the real problem. You are the outcast now as you see things clearly and since it is so hard for the rest of the family to see it they shun you rather than deal with it.

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