It sounds like you desperately need a mental health evaluation by a professional rather than trying to piece this together yourself. The fact that you sought out information is a very positive first step. It is apparent then that you want help but are confused as to what is specifically going on. If you have made suicidal gestures at some point then you may have a very complicated depression or are having symptoms of more than one disorder. Symptoms of depression include sadness, irritability, hopelessness, anger, and poor sleep/appetite. This can influence every area of your life including your sexual choices. Sometimes when people are depressed they will choose partners who are not healthy for them. The first thing to do is to consider that this may be a codependent relationship where you are seeking out a partner who is detrimental to your well being. A great source to figure this out on your own is Codependent No More. This person actually seeks out unhealthy relationships. Then you should find a therapist to help you get a more accurate picture of what is going on. You can find a therapist on the site for the American Psychological Association or Psychology Today. Find someone helpful for you and focus on yourself and your own well being.
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Hi there, thanks for the reply. I just wonder do you mean that unless my depression can be solved, I would let myself involve in the Codependent relationship again? Even if I stop the contact, I would seek some other unhealthy relationship at some point?