Apologies, I had to get the kids into bed.
Your reply brought me to tears. I know you are right, and everything you have said is true. And unfortunately the support I have needed has not been there. I have had to do it all; be it all; all of the time.
What I would like from this 'session' is a clear strategy, steps to follow,to get myself back in the flow, so to speak.
The most valuable thing that I have taken from what you wrote above is, if I went to bed, and things were good, what would be different? What would we be doing... That made me think.
The answer is, I would be on a schedule, getting myself up early, enjoying 'me' time before the kids get up, doing yoga, fixing breakfast, maybe changing over the laundry or some other light housework, before getting the kids up and ready for school, and myself ready for work. I would have a routine - pay the bills on this day, vacuum on these days, food and other shopping with a list, on certain days, at certain shops, I would have a small group of healthy friendships, and I would meet them from time to time for a cup of tea and a chat, at a time and place without kids, I would have a man in my life, but only at arms length, someone to go to dinner and a movie with, or a comedy show, maybe every other weekend, the kids and I would have one-on-one time, each their own, and we would have family time that was fun, I would feel energized, and not exhausted, so when these times came, I looked forward to them, rather than found an excuse to back out because I'm too tired, I would have a regular job that fits around the kids and pays enough so we don't have to struggle, I would be going to the kids games, etc, ideally with someone by my side - but NOT living with us - and that someone would be supportive and amazing with the kids, I would be reading... LOTS! Enjoying my books again, going to the spa for a day to myself, maybe once a month (it's only $16 - how could I not, really?? :) I would be looking forward to an opportunity to travel, ideally back to England, to reunite with my friends there, and take care of what remains there, there would be no loose ends in England. I would be creating something... art maybe, I'm not sure. And going to a training or workshop once or twice a year. Basically all of those things I had, before the divorce, minus the husband.
I'm not sure if this helps you. I'm curious where you might take me from here...