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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Is it common to sometimes feel being a mother to two children

Resolved Question:

Is it common to sometimes feel being a mother to two children under 5 yrs, that you are just so exhausted physically, mentally and spiritually, that you feel like your stuck in an inescapable place?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is very common to feel as you do when you are caring for very young children who have so many needs and are very dependent on you. Plus, it sounds like you were going through a very difficult time with your partner who had a drinking problem. When someone drinks, they become very focused on themselves and their own issues. That would leave you with small children and a husband who has to focus on his own issues in order to get better. That is a lot.

When you give so much energy to others, you have no way to replenish your own needs. Everyone, even the most extroverted person, needs time to rest. And with small children, it is almost impossible to focus on any of your own needs. Even going to the bathroom becomes nearly impossible. When you deal with a total focus on the children's needs day after day without much support, you can quickly become exhausted.

It sounds like you need some support and a break. If there is anyway you can get someone to stay with the kids, that can help a lot. Even if you have to pay a babysitter for a couple of hours, it may be worth it. You can use those hours totally on yourself. A new haircut, browsing a bookstore or even meeting someone to talk for some adult time is worth it.

If you can get your husband to help, that is another option. If he is still in recovery, it may be more difficult. But if he is able, let him spend an afternoon with the kids. Sleep in or take a long bath. That can help.

Consider letting the kids watch a video if they are old enough. Many people are against TV time for kids, but if you are less effective of a parent because you so exhausted you can't focus, then some TV time is a good thing. It will not hurt the children and it can give you a much needed break.

You may want to consider getting help in your home as well. If you can afford a couple of hours a week of help, then take it. It is worth the cost so you have more time to do other things.

Take a walk, get a shower every day (even if you have to have the kids in the bathroom with you) and do your hair. Anything to help you feel more like yourself. It can help you feel better.

Join other mothers in a group activity if you can. The support and shared stories can make you feel better and help you feel less alone. And you can set up a shared babysitting situation so you can get help.

Most of all, know that this will pass. Your days are long now, but it does go by. Before you know it, the kids will be in school and you will have more time to yourself.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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