Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Previous question first: My kids were never quiet on the phone. Never. And, I always noticed that people who were not so good as parents always had these angelic babies that never made a peep. I recall many times having to go into my car to make a phone call as the house was a zoo for noise. It is not fair. I get you.
You do have a way with people, and thinking and talking fast and accurately in the moment. Most people do not. I think your coaching for Jen is great, but I also think that she is not going to do nearly as well with Peter as you would. I can see her getting in trouble truthfully.The coaching is a nice gesture, considering she and her kids are not the greatest to you at times. (Duffle bag...had to laugh at that one.)
Your nose bleed sounded awful, and on top of it you were exhausted. I seem to recall that lots of pregnant women seem to get colds in the last few months. But nosebleeds? Wow, that one sounded really terrible. You ruined the whole front of your shirt? That was some nosebleed.
No I didn't think you and dr b flirting was over the top. I think he is pretty safe at this point; there are clear boundaries. and him getting ill on the rides at Disney...yup, you and I have him pegged. He was the kid who used to sit on the stadium bleachers reading books and talking to the other nerds. (Or was that me...hmmm) Jealous? You want me to be jealous?
Dr a...I just can't take him seriously at this point. He is still acting in line with narcissistic traits, ones that fit him perfectly...but his sudden interest in you is a bit of a twist.
Maybe he has mom issues and your pregnancy makes his insecurity come out...like I have been abusing a pregnant woman. (I really doubt that is so, but it is an alternative explanation.) I think you are safe when it comes to dr a being attracted to pregnant women. I think he might have some minor guilt when he sees you, but I doubt he is feeling sexually stimulated. He doesn't seem to fit that type. He is too, egocentric.
And that episode of throwing things at you? What is that about? What was this person thinking? That is just plain out stupid. Really...I don't get that at all. Definitely owes you, definitely.
Dr b didn't answer you when you texted at 11pm? Maybe he was with snow white or Cinderella or a mermaid. lol
You know, when you start talking about finances during sex there is something missing there, right?
I will say that with a cold and eight months of pregnancy you are a real trooper to even go there, but I also have to point out that you are really tenacious when it comes to talking about what you want. You want to talk about financing that furniture and making sure that the monthly paycheck is going to cover...and you will not let anything, not even sex stand in the way. (I had to smile when I read your post. You can tell your body is really protesting most things at this point and I give you credit for even attempting sex.)
I also have to say that it is quite a motivator to talk about finances during foreplay. But what is Rob made of that he can not give you an agreement on furniture during sex? He must be made of metal or something. Most men would have given you the furniture, diamonds and a new couch and thrown in a personal decorator to help coordinate it all. And he even complements you on the technique and still doesn't cave in...holy crap. It could be he took care of himself and that helped him stay so "focused". Maybe he needs some restrictions in that department so he does not gain that self control so easily. (There are ways to work around this and still get what you want.) I would not hesitate to apply them.
A 200.00 survey. Wow, that is a great deal. How did you find out about that? Was it work...Oh, and than k you so much for the accepts and the bonus. I have no way to tell you that now that I cannot give feedback to you separately from this post...but thanks again. Steven
jen worked her work things out and spoke to peter and hr and i told her stick to the script. i gave her her talking points and not to deviate from threm. shes on the phone and have them both by surprise so she shud be able to not only handle but dominate the conversation. she said it went fine so.. well whatever.
i dont think dr b was a nerd.. seriously.. i think rob was.. but in a weird way like he ws always in an argument he wasnt a puny nerd.. he was always one of the biggest kids in his class and dr b is kind of largely built also.
he cant take flying either as he said he was happy to see the ground...
yes i want you to be jealous that another dr may try to woo me away from you... of course.
dr a. i dont know the whole sit with me is weird as no nurse sits in the doc box other than 2 hang for a few minutes.. we dont tie up a computer as they will use 2 computers at a time to run radiology programs n look at films n the other for documentation...
its a crazy thing...
and dr b saying it like he used his ans to defer that he doesnt find it attractive. i can tell he finds the kid thing ok i think.. like he says youre busy child rearing.. and he says im a vessel of life... (thats def a catholic italian male thing... ) i think dr a may like the preg thing b/c guys have different kinks.
rob likes preg. i also think men who have children n feel their baby inside you kicking them (as rob was laying there feeling the baby really kicking..)
its a turn on. for dr b its kind of like (him stuttering now..) what do you mean you think youre preg...? lol. although now i think hed go with it...
i cud see dr b trying to romance a face character disney princess.. now wud they go for it..? maybe...
if so good for him. see? thats why guys like me... im like let the hookups begin... and of course i wouldnt want to stop a hookup.
theres a dr there whos new with dr josh.. shes blonde thin and just after a breakup.. i think theyd be good. i think shes my age.. so younger than him is good..
she seems sweet... not crazy.
too good to be true?
well rob and i are still negotiating.. several emails have been sent back n forth..
im going for the jugular now.
the survey. its schlessinger associates. you can do them too. go to their website and sign up. they do med professionals and reg people. i do in person i get called for its on 5th ave in manhatten.. but they have online and phone also. they do meds and packaging ad what you think of a drug.. they usually videotape.
i found out thru friends at my old job in the er.. ironically from the close friend of that educator who wont speak to me anyore since that incident. her husband did them as she was a or tech n couldnt and he was an rn... e and her used to be close that she used to say she wanted me to be her kids godmother. she couldnt get preg even with ivf the 8 yrs we worked together n shes older thn me.. like 10 yrs..
she got preg after i left n had the baby.
this survey thing doesnt call me much honestly. but i get emails and keep answering hoping ill get a phone or email survey for $50 or $100 figuring its money in the bank... the last survey i did was $275...
it was an hour...
is it better for you if i click accept and pay a whole bunch of times or is it better to click accept once and give a bonus? you tell me what pays you more..
Nice to know that Jen did not blow up in her interaction with Peter. You are a good coach! I think without you she would have messed up, big time. I wasn't convinced that even with your help that she would do well. That point by point approach that you used was terrific. Good for you. Even Jen was able to adhere to that method.
Nerd or not, I think Dr b and probably Rob have a view of the world that is different than most. They seem to enjoy some of the vulnerabilities of life that men often hold to themselves, such as admitting to not liking sports or even getting ill on Disney rides. I respect that. It is refreshing.
Flying can be wonderful or scary as heck. I think it depends on when and to where you fly. Some of my trips out west and north, near Maine were hair raising. I do grasp even the toughest of people losing nerve on some flights.
It is pretty clear that dr b is interested in a family. He talks that way; it is obvious that he wants to have one. He just seems a bit lost about how he will approach making that happen. His psychology fights that though. He is still struggling between "nice" and "hot crazy". Hot crazy is not a great child rearing trait. Yes, there is a compromise; I just hope he sees it in time. Nice doctor...hey, why not. But I am a big fan of matching people who think similarly but have different careers. Sometimes that works a little better. Sex with pregnant women? There are men who are into that, for certain. That knowing a woman is fertile thing get some men really into it. But dr a? Really? Kinky is one thing, but I just can't see him into the pregnant thing that much. Maybe I am wrong but I just can't get him and my brain around that.
Well, did you and Rob ever negotiate the furniture for sex plan? lol I wonder where this will all go. (I think you can break him.)
That is very, very interesting about the survey. I will keep that in mind. Thank you. 250 or more for an hour of survey information is nothing to sneeze at.
An accept and a bonus is better in my opinion. We get to keep 75% or more of the bonus, 50% of the accept. Steven
jen is a person who puts her foot in her mouth.
botXXXXX XXXXXne. you dont want her there for discipline. im open in the same way, i may think it, but ill know not to say it. of course im not perfect but yes i could even stop myself... im better than i used to be. it seems to be an immaturity thing with her...
the big thing is saying dont say that, dont make it like f**k the er...
which i said just keep dominating the conversation... she has talking points. he doesnt. i wouldnt let a long pause occur...
yeah rob doesnt like sports. he ran track.. but thats not a group sport and he played basketball. but he hated baseball and wasnt allowed to play football. his dad was a big football player (may explain how stupid he is. too many knocks to the head) robs bro is a sports nut with my brother. except my bro can really play. his bro is fat and coaches kids at the ymca...
i think drs are good with drs and nurses b/c its hard for other professions to understand whats keeping us from going home... or why today extraordinarily sucked compared to other days...
and i dont know any other nice single girls. so we may have to stick to that.
i think that dr a and dr b are kinky. but dont know it. the way they reacted to the sex toy/ bondage site. and how it stuck with them and they kept bringing it up separately to me.. like waiting for me to be alone...
well on our negotiations last night i won. i feel a little nervous taking the money out... and its 16k. he lost alot on his 401k and we borrowed before. hes going to restart with con ed... they match or something so hes going to max it out. plus gets a pension.
i feel like steve honestly - i cant live with a 10 yr old couch i didnt pick out and no dining set anymore. im embarassed of the house and the table and chairs we have are uncomfortable. i hate sitting there. the couch is now too since its just old.. i want to get the leather sectional with 2 or 3 recliners and stationary seats...
a new coffee table..
plus of course the full dining set 8 chairs and the table plus the server and the china cabinet...
we may wait on the china cabinet.. its 4k.. and i only have like 10 or 11k to play with. the other 5 k or so is to make up my salary on maternity leave...
maybe well finance the cabinet? or well just wait..? dont know yet. but a table and chairs will be a big improvement. bwere going to look tomorrow.
and rob is saying that his paycheck will be 2 times a month. which will be a huge help...
lets hope its true. i believe nothing til i see it...
Okay, I finally have internet. (I feel like a techno hobo)
No matter how it all goes down with Jen she should be grateful for you. She has her immaturity, or whatever you want to call it against her:...and I know that you, like all people can have a verbal flaw in a moment of supervisor/administrative pressure.
But, admittedly, your skills have been honed by a family who regularly forced your hand to think fast and also from previous work environment(s) that required that trait. She is fortunate to have you advise her. You do think fast on your feet.
I remember you telling me about Rob and his avoidance of sports and I also recall that he was not small in his youth. He strikes me as a thoughtful type in some ways and he is very logical in how he approaches most things, except you I might add.
He seems to lose his focus around you on certain topics. However, I have noticed also that you usually win those discussions, like this last one. I really had no doubt you would prevail It may take time, but you do almost always come out on top. Perhaps it is your tenacity and willingness to do what it takes to get what you desire.
(Personally I think Rob likes to keep the peace, and a wife who is unhappy about anything for long...well, let's say that that particular situation is no fun. Plus the longer a man is married the more compliant he becomes in general.)
Seriously, you are both young enough that if Rob starts off aggressively in his job with his 401k he should be able to do very well before retirement.
Taking out an existing 401 is painful as far as the penalty for taxes, but once it is done, it's done. Therefore, whatever you want that is a long term investment is in my mind a good idea. I think real furniture, the stuff you pass down to children is worth that sort of purchase.That would be the table, chairs, side tables and so on. A couch, I would finance that solely for the credit building capacity and reserve the money from the 410k, as you can pay it down each month without any worry...taking the full finance period as that builds the credit numbers even more.
I would imagine that Rob's pay will be on the 15th and 30th of each month. I really struggle with a company like ConEd making it monthly. That is just, odd. Mostly it is just colleges that do the once per month thing.
So you are saying that nurses and doctors need to breed with their own kind? lol I know what you mean, some professions do a bit better together. I would not recommend two military types though. I have seen that fail so, so many times. I think it is almost a personal compatibility issue though, more so than a profession or career. But I can say that I do get along well with emergency service providers, police and emt's and doctors and nurses and IT people. I do not do as well with accountants. Maybe they are too far off the social career beam or think too oddly. I am not sure.
So, what is with you and the engineer? Rob does not seem bothered by the fact that he is with a nurse who works a lot of crazy hours.
Drs a and b, brothers in kinky? Somehow that sounds really, well, too weird. I think both of them have issues with women and the idea of a controlling one is a fascination. That and the outfits associated with them. Steven
well i got back from mommy and me just now saw jen and cassie n baby isabella. i tried to touch her n jen said did u wash ur hands? i said no. i havent since sunday. so she well then dont touch her. i said fine. im not touching her.
so she said wash ur hands and you can touch her. i said nah i dont like her that much.. plus if she gets sick in 6 yrs youll say it was cuz i touched her..
i was a little pissed.. i swallowed it cuz i got my licks in too..
we went to mc donalds n all was fine there.
at mommy and me while the puppet time was going on the kids can touch the puppet n kate likes that and that adopted kid seamus came over n pushed her. kate took it.. til he pushed her again. so his mom nancy was closer and grabbed him.. nancy brought him back after her stupid we do nice speech thats for 1 yr old not 2 and half yr old 35lb boys... and kate started backing away nancy said no kate its ok, kate stopped and he pushed her again. kate put her hands out and yelled in a deeper voice than she talks in NO PUSHING.
the moms cheered kate on.. i said nothing for a minute til jen said shes ok liz. i said i know shes ok, its just - and i say this to jen and another mom that its like kates an asshole magnet and im going to end up blowing some guy away... i can really picture this btw...
so theyre laughing. seamus comes out of time out and runs (again steve. f**king again) right to kate and pushes her down. kates on the floor and seamus is on top of her - i move to get her out which i do and kates screaming. i comfort her.. and nancy kept him away from her after that, but i really feel like she didnt provoke him i was watching her the whole time shes just playing with the puppet..
i mean he beelined for her steve. theres other kids there. and i feel like hes one of those boys with the big heads that seem not to comprehend cuz theyre not listening or paying attention?
jen even said like hes after her... look at that..
then at the end of class kate said thank you to her teacher miss jen and kissed her. which miss jen said i love her shes such a little doll...
rob. well he told me that part of his game is serving his mistress and making me happy. and then he gets rewarded with me being happy and me doing nice things for him.
so i said tomorrow i want to look at furniture n not be hurried or whatever. he said were going dont worry.
i figured he may say he changed his mind ive been braced for that really . and if he does ill take it fine. maybe hes right.
i have mixed feelings im just like i cant take it anymore w/o furniture.
theres no where to sit n just relax. even my bed isnt as comfortable as i had hoped. i dont know if its preg.. so im hoping after itll be great as rob and kate seem pretty happy now. and the room we have now is alot better in bed...
anyway i just hope the furniture can be done in time for christmas now. id hate to have spent the money and its not here...
why do you say hes not logical when he approaches me? i think hes def stupid at times... hes gotten better.. i guess after youve fought so many times.. its like stop the fighting...
he used to be so easily manipulated thats for sure. god i could get him to do anything. god i could get alot of men to do wha i aked... i miss that.
i really miss that.
i think drs a and b - well dr a for sure - plain vanilla. lol
and both have expressed interest in hi heels in their backs and being dominated by dominatrixs... so... analyze that as they say.
i take it that theyre in control in ho stress jobs and like the i dea of not being in control.. but thats just me..
Plain vanilla? How dull. While we could guess and conjecture a lot of reasons for what dr a and b want with a woman, I think that the combination of how they were raised, along with the type of jobs they have...it's a lot of discipline.
Think about it. Just being a physician would take so many years of study and sacrifice, plus all the other stuff that goes with it. I am sure they would love to just "lose it" in some manner. Or, another thought; they feel comfortable with outside circumstances controlling their emotional lives, unlike their professional ones which are so exacting. It becomes a release valve of sorts...to have a woman dominate them.
So, you dirty handed person, trying to handle a baby. What are you thinking? You should pour bleach all over you, then with an additional exam and formal approval, (and gloves of course)...then you can touch the baby. Wow liz. She is intense. I am shocked that she is so protective of this baby. They rest of her kids, oh well...maybe this is her way of feeling in control. Who knows. It certainly is peculiar.
Good for Kate. She is standing up for herself.
I know I am not to agree with non-logical thoughts. But you know. I have seen so many people, women especially, who since a very young age have been loon magnets. It is really something, and I know that Kate is not really one, but then again she has all the signs. It is totally illogical, but I can see your point. Some crazy people are just attracted to certain others normal ones, and I get what you mean about Kate having to take a serious stand one day with some nut job who will not leave her alone. Well, that is what women's self defense classes and pepper spray are for...
Seamus needs a serious class in consequences for aggressive behavior. I know that what you described, a three time attack of Kate would have worn thin at about the second time. The third, right out of time out, is just too much and it speaks to something about him, or how he is being raised, as an issue. There is no reason for this type of aggression. Shame kate can't just kick him where the sun doesn't shine. That might do it. It certainly would slow him down. And for you to watch this...totally annoying and frustrating. I bet you just want to throttle this kid. Poor Kate. She is a victim of a big headed stalker.
Rob and furniture shopping> Mistress, are we done furniture shopping yet? (I am sorry; the description was too good. I laughed a lot at that one.) In all seriousness, a family has to have a safe haven. That means furniture and comfort. It is no joke. Many studies in psychology show that you cannot relax is you feel your surroundings are inadequate, ugly or simply bothersome. I think this is a long time in coming really. And, I do not see Rob backing out of a promise to his mistress.
I believe Rob is logical, probably to a T. But that cannot enter into all aspects of a relationship. At times there is an emotional aspect that is inescapable. That includes sex and closeness. So, if he wants that with you, he has to be less logical and give more. No male really stays easily manipulated in a long term relationship like a marriage so don't think something is wrong with you. If the relationship was as it was when it was new, minus the pregnancy, you would have him dancing circles. It is just that your relationship is in a different phase. Steven
hows your vacation going?
yest was a decent day. we did go furniture shopping..
we went and looked for the formal furniture. they only had a sample - its not a stanley showroom like thomasville shows you everything all layed out... so we saw a coffee table from the collection. it was beautiful but i was hoping to see a chair or the table.. something bigger..
the guy gave us an awesome price - i had thought wed have to wait on the china cabinet due to prices i saw online..
so essentially he gave us a price that gave us the china cabinet free. so its the table 6 side chairs and 2 leather arm chairs.. and the china cabinet $8500. and theyd recover the chairs for ius as i asked what fabric i could pick and he said it comes with a standard one.. he said hed give me the book and i could look and theyd do it.
he said that its a 1 month lead time. so i was pretty happy with that.
i liked the coffee table n i was going to get one to match the dining set since the rooms are conjoined and i dont want to worry about matching..
as we walked thru the showroom i found a kitchen set too and i have been yet to find one at all. itsw hite with weathered a gray wood top and itd match my white cabinets and gray granite.
2k for that.
anyway they dont have couches and we were on our way to thomasville.
the lady was nice and rob didnt even realize the dining set i had picked was the same as his moms. she got the table and chairs but no cabinet cuz they couldnt afford it. anyway she has the table covered with a tablecloth all the time and i pointed out the chair and he said oh. he said he liked the set cuz it wasnt super formal aND i said its a formal dining room. well have less formal in the kitchen.
he said ok to whatever i want to get. so thomasville we looked at the dining set and a leather sectional couch thats has 2 recliners.
its $4200. and their dining set all the same amt of pieces and new fabric on chairs is $7500. and their lead time is less 2 to 3 weeks.
so whats the prob?
well a few things. were over budget by about 2k.
and the sectional with the recliners is a foot too big for the current living room on one side. so wed have to switch the rooms. make the living room the dining and dining living.
rob wants to do that anyway due to a china cabinet being in the 2nd room anyway.
if i get the smaller sectional it will fit the current living room but i lose seating of course and they dont offer with recliners for the smaller one.
i hate to give up the recliners and the seat as well im not getting any other chair or furniture other than coffee table so it has to be awesome as they say.
rob has to move the tv to above the fireplace and anchor it (im scared..) and move al this cable/ wiring stuff. he has to put the ceiling fan into the dining room... its alot. then he has to plaster and repaint. and now i feel overwhelmed even saying all this. i say this seriously.
i feel exhausted today i couldnt sleep from like 2 to 5 last night. kate woke me up with a nightmare. i calmed her and then i was up. and today i just feel tired nauseated and not looking forward to going to work tonight. robs getting his haircut for the new job tuesday.
i found out from jen on facebook that dr a is skydiving with this nurse well call rose. i know dr a had expressed interest in her awhile ago but she had a boyfriend. they broke up and got back together. i found out from terri a while ago when i said dr a has a tiny one and i think thats his prob, she said no its not cuz she knew some1 who actually knew- and that all clicks now cuz shes good friends with this nurse.
for some reason the whole thing just pissed me off. why? dont know. have a baby on the way and my funny kate, and new furniture (maybe.. we didnt order we wanted to think about everything and not rush into a decision..)
and now i have to work with dr a and no dr b whos still on vac.. and i hate not knowing who else will be there.
i wish i had a chance of being out in triage so i could just not be in the main and not be involved..
i applied for financing for the couch cuz you still have to pay a 3rd up front they only do 2/3rds financing... but then itd only be 90 a month for 36 months no interest...
and its put us back on budget.. we d be at 10k of furniture again.
i dont know why i feel so melancholy but i had the thought of taking an anti nausea pill and some cold medicine and lying down for a little bit.
meanwhile i think 2 is the greatest age. kates playing under a sheet tent rob built when it fell down she tried to rebuild it saying heave ho heave ho...
We might want to start a new post. This one is getting a little long.
Vacation has been travel hectic, nothing bad but too many miles in the minivan. Today we are at Great Wolf Lodge, an indoor waterpark; reminds me of a cruise ship with the instant access to your credit card wrist bands and the encouragement to spend way too much money. But my kids like it. I got hit in the eye in the wave pool so I am sitting out the next few hours.
Your day sounds like a lot of fun. 10k worth, but a lot of fun. The dining room sounds great. And, although 8k seems like a lot, it still is nothing for a real wood and assembled set of furniture. Kate will own this in years to come and getting a package deal, and I would ask for one as you are spending the price of a modest used car in this place...hey, the more you can get the better...and you are not shy.
Never give up on a recliner! If you can figure a way to keep it, so it as they end up being the most popular think in the living room.
You would feel overwhelmed. You have been looking at things that make you think about rearranging the way that you live. It is overwhelming, even if it is new and exciting. I know that this feeling will pass and you will be so glad you did all this. Truthfully it is pretty overwhelming to shop for furniture and so on. It is stressful, not only the planning but the money and all the concerns of where things go where. It is not easy.
If you need to move stuff in your home to get what you want, so be it. And moving a tv is not that bad. I can do it, and if I can as a therapist, an engineer certainly can. It really was not all that hard and the only issue to making sure the drill holes are exactly correct before mounting the TV supports.
You are go in need of having this baby and getting over this chapter of your life. It is a great thing to have another, but how tired you are and how exhausted...it is just too much sometimes. Dr a...skydiving with a nurse. Well, okay. That would fit with his personality, over the top. And to be stuck with him while dr b is on vacation is a real bummer. Sometimes not knowing is the worst part of the whole thing.
Virus stuff messes with your head. Remember we talked about this a while back when you got depressed and sad when you got sick...This was more than 10 months ago I would guess.
Some virus strains just play with your head. And mild reactive depression is common enough under the conditions you are in, ill and stressed.. I have been there too. You may feel you are losing it, but combined with the pregnancy and being ill with a cold. It can really throw you off. It is no wonder everything feels so overwhelming.
Two is a great age. Kate sounds so cute. I also like 8. They are independent but still so need you, yet they are funny in their own right. You know...I like all the ages of kids. Steven
glad to hear youre having fun... hit in the eye with water? or hit by someone flying in with a wave? luckily the day is almost over and overnite your eye irritation should improve.
well we are getting a package deal although i was going to see if one of us could haggle it down another $500.. the original was $13k or so..
i think youre right about the recliner b/c i settled for a few hundred less with the mattress and i regret it b/c even though its a premium mattress the other had even more padding... and maybe id be more comfortable now. i mean idont know but maybe.
i just feel like its alot. moving a tv, moving all th electric, him having to repair the holes, repaint. put it on the fireplace isnt easy. and were going to have an infant and he cant take any days off from work...
anyway i have to get ready for work..
Thanks liz...the way you accepted with the bonus is great. My sincere thanks.
My eye is fine today...just hard hit wave damage, no strike from a fingernail or something.
I think you could haggle it down a but more. In this economy places have to sell and furniture is very down in terms of sales. If you can guarantee a big sale I am sure you can get it down a bit more.
Always pay for what you want, never settle unless you really cannot go any higher. It is worth it...a life lesson from Steve Olsen., pat pending.
It is a lot to accommodate the TV and all, but not really that big of a deal. Wiring is a little involved, but your husband is an engineer. He should be able to easily do this...And, it will not take as much time as you think. A Saturday will do it, really. Steven
hi steve opening a new question on the boards. hope youre enjoying your vacation..