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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Im a 30 year old single female who currently lives at home

Resolved Question:

I'm a 30 year old single female who currently lives at home with my parents. I was laid off from job awhile ago and took sometime to decompress and now I back on the job hunt! I was also taking medication because I was filling slighting depressed. While I try to keep myself busy, sometimes I don't feel good about myself.

I'm educated individual, who went to university and college and had lived away when I was at school, however, I'm still a virgin, this is starting to eat away at me. All of my friends are married and having children.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me and was ready to have sex, but he couldn't wait any longer. Sometimes I feel like a loser for still being virgin, and living at home! Can you please let me know what I can do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

Nothing of what you say makes you a loser at all. It does seem like you have had some difficult times that have weighed on you.


 

CoachJenK :

Was the therapy helpful?


 

Customer:

Yes, it was quite helpful. It was through my doctor, but I was only limited to 12 sessions

CoachJenK :

and you arent able to go anymore because of those limitations?


 

Customer:

correct. at my hospital it's only 12 sessions. I can go see a psychologist, but since I'm not working at the moment I can't afford it.


 

CoachJenK :

I understand. Well being laid off and living back at home with your parents can cause a hit to the self esteem but I do believe that now that you are back on the job hint and hopefully will be employed soon that you will begin to feel more confidence again.


 

CoachJenK :

I am sorry also to hear that your ex wasn't able to stay with you as you figured out the best time for you to become sexually active.


 

CoachJenK :

Are you doing anything to be social and meet new people?


 

Customer:

I hope so. I just get these waves of self doubt and negative thoughts. I also ran into my ex over the summer and we ended up kissing and he has a new girlfriend...we never talked after that. I'm online (e harmony), but nothing has panned out.

Customer:

negative thoughts are not as bad as they use to be...but lately they've come back again.

CoachJenK :

It is hard to lose a job and lose a relationship and that can cause anyone to feel doubt and negative thoughts, but I hear a woman who has strength and feel like once you get going again your confidence will return.


 

CoachJenK :

nothing to feel ashamed about in terms of being a virgin. When the time is right then it will be right and the next wonderful man will honor that in you.


 

Customer:

I realize everything can't happen at once (friends and family say)...but it's still stressful when most of your friends are in different life stages as you, I'm also worried other guys will judge me once I tell them my situation.


 

Customer:

Do you think I should still consider therapy once I'm employed again?

CoachJenK :

it is very hard when you see the different stages....you have to remember at those times that things will fall into place as you desire....and yes they do take time.


 

CoachJenK :

I would hope that any new man you meet would be a gentleman and honor that you are a virgin.


 

CoachJenK :

I think therapy can be helpful for you to regain some confidence and security and to understand some of the depression.


 

Customer:

 


 

Customer:

I guess I'm hoping everything will happen at once! These negative thoughts are quite annoying too, I put myself down a lot.


 

CoachJenK :

so when you are employed again you may want to look into it especially since it was helpful for you in the past.


 

CoachJenK :

yes I can hear it....as in feeling like you are a loser or being a virgin...I hear none of that.


 

CoachJenK :

have you practiced any meditation or self hypnosis to calm these thoughts when they enter your head?


 

Customer:

Yes, I really like it when I had the therapy through my hospital. All of my friends would say otherwise...I guess it's hard for me to stop thinking negatively.

Customer:

There are still sometimes (NOT very often) when I think about death and it scares me because that not who I am...can you still feel depressed when your on medication?

CoachJenK :

yes you can and it could indicate that it may not be the right medication or that the dosage isnt high enough and that would indicate a conversation with your doctor is necessary.


 

Customer:

I have been on the medication for awhile and was feeling ok, but the last couple of weeks I've been getting more stressed again. I find when I'm more busy, I'm stressed out.


 

CoachJenK :

the overwhelm from it can cause these feelings and it is possible that you may need to go up on your medication....can you call your doctor about that?


 

Customer:

Yep, I can call her. I was just there two weeks ago..and was feeling ok...

CoachJenK :

Check out www.SteveGJones.com he has some incredible self hypnosis downloads that can help with confidence, depression and self esteem.


 

Customer:

ok, thanks! That's great. I've always had a low self-confidence, so I'll take a peak.


 

CoachJenK :

I feel that as you are able to find work, and get back into the swing of things that you can begin to feel a bit better but certainly these depper issues such as the depression and overwhelm need to be addressed.


 

Customer:

I agree...it's just these thoughts that are annoying and I think I may need to still see a therapist to help out with that. I just wanted to get someone's advice before I proceeded.


 

CoachJenK :

I am with you on that...I do believe therapy will be helpful....I support that. You deserve to feel freer and happier without these negative self doubts.


 

Customer:

negative self doubts is not fun...at least I can catch when I get them. but sometimes I don't know how to stop them. What about the whole living at home, virgin thing? I guess one thing at a time?


 

CoachJenK :

it all plays a part. I think you beat yourself up for losing your job, living at home and being a virgin, yet none of these things are terrible things.....the economy has hurt a lot of people and thankfully you have had a place to go although not the best for you and being a virgin...for your own reasons it is that way


 

Customer:

I don't mind living at home, but I feel like people judge me. It's definitely puts a damper on dating, especially when I tell guys I live at home. I feel like they judge as well.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear that. I wish people would just live and let live.


 

CoachJenK :

again any man worth your time will not judge you for any of it....but it sounds like your internal judgments are the most hurtful


 

Customer:

I've tried online dating, etc. But I find nothing is really working right now. I agree that I'm probably putting thoughts into my head. I had a girlfriend that was a virgin until last year...so I guess I'm not the only one?


 

CoachJenK :

no you are not the only one and I promise there is a man who will cherish that in you


 

Customer:

I hope so!

CoachJenK :

I know so! :-)


 

CoachJenK :

try and see it as a wonderful thing and not something that is wrong with you


 

Customer:

I think I've always been scared,...esp when I was younger...I never had longterm boyfriends,, just casual dating and stuff when I was younger. Also wasn't the best when I was drinking as well.


 

CoachJenK :

It will be okay.


 

CoachJenK :

please be easy on yourself


 

Customer:

I'm trying too.


 

Customer:

I was just starting freak out again and google this online! Didn't even know this existed.

CoachJenK :

breathe...just let it all out...its okay.


 

CoachJenK :

think of your wonderful qualities and focus on what you are grateful in your life.


 

Customer:

I will try too! I will investigate further therapy when I start working. I started writing a gratitute journal again...I'm hoping that helps!


 

Customer:

*


gratitude

CoachJenK :

that is wonderful..I think it will be helpful


 

CoachJenK :

direct your energy on the things you want and go out and seek them. It is all within your reach. go easy and give it time


 

Customer:

I will try! I trying to focus on finding a job and they moving back to the city! Thanks for your help :)

CoachJenK :

I like those goals. I am here if you need me again. just ask for coachjenk


 

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work


 

CoachJenK :

my goal is excellent


 

Customer:

ok, great! thanks again. I will be in touch, if I need it.

CoachJenK :

once you complete the rating you will get a copy of our time together


in your email

Customer:

wonderful. thanks again


 

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. Take care of you and thank you in advance for taking the time to offer a rating of my work.


 

Customer:

no problem. thanks


 

CoachJenK :

nite


 

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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