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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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i was engaged to a girl . she cheated on me and dumped me.

Customer Question

i was engaged to a girl . she cheated on me and dumped me. help
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Can you tell me more about your situation? How long were you together and are you still in contact with her?

Thank you,

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


we were together for 7 months, engaged for 4 , we are not in touch now, she broke up with me suddenly, we did not have any issues or differences or fights, she just hooked up with another guy and dumped me

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like she had some issues that she was not sharing with you. To suddenly leave like that without seeming to have a reason says that either she was very frightened of commitment or there was a personal issue she had that she was not dealing with. So this likely had nothing to do with you.

When two people get into a relationship, they bring their past issues with them. Each has their own set of behaviors, wants and expectations. Because of this, relationships can become toxic if the expectations and behaviors are hurtful, abusive or incompatible. And behavior like you saw with your fiancée can occur.

It's important that you do what you can to take care of yourself. You are in pain and the betrayal of infidelity and your fiancée suddenly leaving can feel overwhelming. It's ok to grieve. Though it is difficult, you need to work through the pain. Be sure to get a lot of support during this time. If you do not have supportive family and friends, consider seeing a therapist. And even if you do have support, talking to a counselor can help you learn ways to cope. And try an on line or in person support group for more support. Also, learn as much as you can about infidelity and the loss of your relationship and how you can help yourself through this. Here are some resources to get you started:

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain, 3rd Edition by Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria Harris

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing by Dennis C. Ortman

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

This can hurt very much so taking care of yourself in the next few months is vital. Also, your fiancée leaving like she did may have affected your ability to trust. It takes time to regain your ability to trust others again, particularly in a relationship. Remember, this is an isolated situation. Very few relationships end this way, so give yourself a chance at a new relationship when you feel ready. And don't worry if you need some reassurance. It is normal to feel nervous about being in a relationship because of this experience. Talking to friends, family and a therapist can help you feel better and move on.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5481
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


she has shaterred my self confidence, humiliated me and made me look like a fool for trusting her. there is a lot of anger in me which i cant take out as im not meeting her, how do i get over the anger and redevelop my self confidence, i want to move on and see other girls but i just cant get over this. shes already started seeing another guy and i am shocked how easily she got over this

 

to

 

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

she has shaterred my self confidence, humiliated me and made me look like a fool for trusting her. there is a lot of anger in me which i cant take out as im not meeting her, how do i get over the anger and redevelop my self confidence, i want to move on and see other girls but i just cant get over this. shes already started seeing another guy and i am shocked how easily she got over this

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
It can be very hard to see your way out of this right now. It just happened and it hurts a lot. So this is going to seem very overwhelming. It helps in that case to break it down. Keep in mind that this is one day at time. It is going to hurt for now, but each day you get through, it will feel better. And work on how you feel a bit each day. Read some of the resources from our last post and talk to others about how you feel. It can help.

It also can help a lot to separate what she did from you and your role in the relationship. What she did was about her, not you. And seeing that is important. No one who is worth being in a relationship with just ups and leaves without saying why. That action says that there is something going on with her that she is not dealing with. And it is doubtful that she has moved on so easily. She is not dealing with her own behavior which says she will just repeat it in the future. A healthy person does not act as she just did with you.

Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


can you suggest any online support group. I stay alone in a remote location and dont have any support or family here. its more difficult as i am alone.

 

to

 

kate

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