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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Hi, I was raped when I was 16 and I have never let anybody

Customer Question

Hi,
I was raped when I was 16 and I have never let anybody close to me since then, until now.
I'm 19 now and in my first year at university and I met I really nice guy who I've been seeing.
I thought I had put everything that happened behind me and moved on until now.
Now that I'm seeing somebody all the memories of what happened have come back and I'm finding it really hard to do anything with the guy I'm seeing now. The idea of sex makes me feel horrible and discusting and it really scares me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

You have dealt with so much and keeping it all inside has made it more painful for you as you have had to deal with it all alone.


 

CoachJenK :

It is so hard to let someone be close to you as you have been hurt both physically and emotionally.


 

CoachJenK :

You have also been dealing with depression and bulimia and I wonder if you have gotten yourself any support for any of it.


 

CoachJenK :

It also makes sense that it would all come flooding back for you now that you are seeing someone.


 

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so we can talk about it all.


 

Customer:

Hi, I'm back online now.

CoachJenK :

Hi. I am here too


 

CoachJenK :

You are very brave an di am glad you have reached out.


 

CoachJenK :

you deserve to feel good and work through these very painful feelings and the experience


of being raped.

Customer:

I first developed the bulimia when I was 14, and I have seen people about it but nothing really helped.


How can I get over feeling so horrible about it?

CoachJenK :

By talking about it and getting through all of the scary and painful feelings. Have you seen someone since being raped?


 

CoachJenK :

it is coming up again now as you are getting close to someone and that can feel so scary.


 

CoachJenK :

By talking about it and getting through all of the scary and painful feelings. Have you seen someone since being raped?


 

CoachJenK :

do you have a return of our bulimia symptoms now as these feelings are coming up for you?


 

Customer:

I never spoke to anybody to help with being raped. I thought I had gotten over it but I think I just locked it away in the back of my mind and decided not to let anybody near me, until now

CoachJenK :

That is what I thought...these feelings are within you and so hard to get over them just by locking them away. The process of letting it all out and going through that pain will help to heal the wounds.


 

CoachJenK :

but them being locked inside has not given you the chance to process it all and heal which is why things feels so tough for ou now and sex feels scary and disgusting.


 

CoachJenK :

Where are you located? I am asking in terms of trying to help you find someone locally to speak to. I know you have tired in the past to deal with the bulimia but you were younger then and therapy can be harder at younger ages and you might be ready now.


 

Customer:

Bulimia is something that's always in my head, every single day! I never ever thought it was going to get any better because i'd had it since I was 14. But then I think getting ready to move to uni and they coming to uni has helped because it's a lot better now!

Customer:

I'm in Dundee

CoachJenK :

and even if the thoughts about bulimia are there you can develop new coping skills to deal with the feelings so that the bulimic symptoms stay at bay


 

CoachJenK :

Dundee where in the UK?


 

Customer:

Scotland

CoachJenK :

Ok. Im looking now


 

Customer:

I still have some symptoms of bulimia, but it's a lot better than it was

CoachJenK :

I understand and I am glad that things are better.


 

CoachJenK :

I found this in your area. http://www.wrasacdundee.org/


 

CoachJenK :

it is a helpline and I am sure they can also give you the name of local therapists for you to see.


 

CoachJenK :

Are you open to trying therapy again? I believe working through these feelings can help you move forward and connect in the ways you want to


 

Customer:

yeah I want to sort it out. Could I not just go to my doctor?

Customer:

I feel so embarrassed by it though and I hate talking about it

CoachJenK :

I think you could benefit from more support from someone who has the experience of providing therapy


 

CoachJenK :

I am so sorry you feel that way. None of it is your fault. It is hard to talk about it but that tells me even more that bringing it all to the surface and working through the pain can help you move forward.


 

CoachJenK :

here is a listing of therapists in your area. http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/region_95.html


 

Customer:

It's really shocked me how much it's taking over when I really thought I'd gotten over it. It's like it's suddenly just there again and I can't stop thinking about it! And I keep remembering it all the time

CoachJenK :

you dont need to remember these links because when we are doone and you complete a rating of my work you will get a copy of our time together.


 

Customer:

does is not cost money to see a therapist though?

CoachJenK :

yes it costs money.


 

CoachJenK :

Rape is a violent act and it is very difficult to just get over it.


 

CoachJenK :

If money is a concern then I would begin with the helpline I gave you and see what options exist for you


 

Customer:

I don't think I can pay for it. And none of my family know

CoachJenK :

Then the helpline might be a great option for you.


 

CoachJenK :

and if you are comfortable to speak with your doctor then that is just fine too.


 

Customer:

I hate how it's just come back so suddenly, like it only happened yesterday. I just want all the horrible thoughts to go away

CoachJenK :

I know you do and I wish that for you. You have reached out here and that is a wonderful start but a little more support locally for you could really go a long way in helping you to process it all


 

Customer:

My dad abused me when i was a child and so i was moved in to a care home and thats where it happened.

CoachJenK :

you have suffered so much and I hear your strength....i know you are scared and I know that if you can begin to talk of this to another professional close by to you then you can begin to heal from all of it. It takes work but I believe you can do it.


 

Customer:

thank you! do you think I will ever be able to get over it and be normal again?

CoachJenK :

you are normal now. you have been victimized. Yes I think you can work through these experiences


and live a happ and fulfilling life.

CoachJenK :

*happy


 

Customer:

I don't understand why the idea of sex makes me feel so wrong and discusting

CoachJenK :

because ou have been abused and then raped...how could it feel any differently!


 

Customer:

Because I understand now that it wasn't my fault

Customer:

but the person I'm with now is so nice! and they aren't horrible

CoachJenK :

you can understand it on some level yet still have those very scary feelings


 

CoachJenK :

and that is wonderful and he can help you heal...it takes time.


 

Customer:

but I don't get why I should feel scared about it anymore when it's completely different circumstances

CoachJenK :

because it feels like a repeat even though it isnt and you havent had the benefit of working through it all


 

Customer:

yeah that makes sense

CoachJenK :

and there is something called post traumatic stress disorder which can give you the same feelings as the original trauma


 

Customer:

i just thought i was stronger than this, I can't believe how much I'm letting it get to me

CoachJenK :

be easy on yourself for having any of these feelings. do what you can to get yourself the support so you can feel safe again.


 

CoachJenK :

this has nothing to do with how strong you are....you are strong but you were raped and abused.


 

Customer:

but doesn't post traumatic stress disorder happen just after it's happened? its been nearly 3 years now, and I've been fine before

CoachJenK :

no it can happen at any time especially if you havent had the benefit of counseling to work through it and this connection with this guy is bringing it up. That is all normal.


 

Customer:

Can i ask you a question about something else?

CoachJenK :

sure


 

CoachJenK :

I also want to give you this resource on PTSD and rape survivors. http://www.aaets.org/article178.htm


 

Customer:

I get so stressed out all the time. And I feel so stupid and pathetic because theres never any reason for it. I don't know if it actually is stress but it's like my head is constantly full and theres no room for anything and I can feel it inside me aswell. It's like I'm always really panicking and anxious but theres nothing to be anxious about and I feel so weak for feeling like I can't cope when there's actually nothing to cope with! And it really affects my work at uni because I can't concentrate at all and I just feel really really stressed all the time, like my head just wont stop going!

CoachJenK :

This is all part of what you have experienced in your life.


 

CoachJenK :

Will you please see your doctor and let them know all you have shared with me? You can feel better with the right care.


 

CoachJenK :

do this for yourself!


 

Customer:

but i have seen so many people!! It's like I'm un helpable. The stuff I've experienced happened such a long time ago and I've been trying to deal with it ever since! It's as it theres just too much stuff to deal with.

CoachJenK :

with the right care you can feel better. i believe it.


 

Customer:

but i do feel so much better then i used to! so i think i thought i've already dealt with it and thats why i feel so silly for feeling like this.

CoachJenK :

please dont feel silly. you have done great and there is nothing wrong with needing some support now


 

Customer:

a couple of years ago a was so depressed that i couldn't even move and i just wanted to die. So I've come along way from feeling like that and I just get so fed up of trying to get better because I never ever do

CoachJenK :

I am glad that there has been progress but you need some more support now.


 

CoachJenK :

lets start with our doctor and the helpline and go from there.


 

Customer:

how do you know i need support.

CoachJenK :

because we have been talking for quite some time and you have expressed all that you are feeling. support can go a long way to help in your healing


 

Customer:

i just feel so stupid

Customer:

I feel like I should be strong enough to deal with it by myself

CoachJenK :

I am so sorry you feel that as I see a young woman who has survived so much and needing some support does not make you stupid


or silly.

Customer:

I feel so weak for having to tell somebody

CoachJenK :

you are strong but support does not make you weak it makes you strong to know when you need it


 

CoachJenK :

and you have told me and even though we are online you have done great and I dont feel like you are stupid or silly.


 

Customer:

oh yeah, that makes sense! Okay I'll go and see my doctor

CoachJenK :

I am glad to hear that. you can come back to me anytime to let me know how you are doing or if you need more support along the way. just request CoachJenK


 

CoachJenK :

I wish you continued strength.


 

Customer:

okay thanks for everything :)

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work. My goal has been to provide you with excellent support.


 

CoachJenK :

my pleasure.


 

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I don't understand why you have emailed me with more mental health questions that you said would be helpful? They are all about bi-polar- I'm not bi polar.

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I am not understanding what you just wrote. I have not sent anything to you since our conversation ended the other evening. Can you send me a copy of what you are receiving? It is not coming from me.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

 
























































Hi,
Again, it was my pleasure helping you with your Mental Health question. Below are some more Mental Health questions being asked that I thought might be helpful. Remember, other Health Professionals and myself are online 24/7 to help you.
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Sincerely,
CoachJenK
Your Mental Health Professional



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Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
This must be something that was sent from the site directly. I am not sure why my name is there as it did not come directly from me. first time I am seeing something like this. Please write to support@justanswer.com to let them know of your desire around future emails like this. I am sorry it upset you....again, I did not send it.

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I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

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