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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am ready to give up on my marriage but I wanted to speak

Resolved Question:

 


I am ready to give up on my marriage but I wanted to speak to a counselor before I visit the lawyer again.  We've been married 27 years.  He has 2 adult offsprings that "look after their father" and Richard, my husband sides with them against me.  They are well to do and successful in their professions.


 


 

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Can you tell me a bit more about your marriage and why you feel the divorce is needed?

Thank you,
Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Because he doesn't put us first. It's always whatever his kids from a previous marriage tell him to do... he does. His son who is 55 is getting remarried again in Hawaii. David and I do not get along well but we are courteous. I wrote him an apology letter once to clear things up whatever they were but that is not sufficient. So, he invited his father to go to hawaii paid and all. BUT Richard, my husband says I cannot go because we don't get along. Well then, I say he shouldn't go either. Because we are a team and he knows it hurts that David Excludes me. I am a teacher and leaving my job on 12-12 for 3 days I could but I am not invited. According to Richard, my husband his father. David is on his second marriage and he left his first wife for a distant cousin of his that he liked a lot. And lived with her for a while. But the girl he is marrying is not that one.


 


I have lost my respect for him when he hit me 3 years ago on the chest. Then he hit me again on my nose 2 years ago.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the additional information. I will work on your answer now.

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I've lost Respect for Richard my husband.... He is the one that hit me. Not David.


 


 

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You are right, you should not be put behind your husband's two sons. Although he needs to still have a relationship with them, the are adults and should not be put first. This hurts your marriage and may make you feel like you do not matter.

But most importantly, your husband has a history of physically abusing you. Even if it was only one or two hits, he still crossed a line that should never be crossed. Abuse is always wrong. And most abusers are self centered by nature so that may be why you are seeing the other behavior you are seeing with him.

If your husband is not willing to put you first and not willing to listen to your feelings, then he is not putting you first in his life. He is putting himself and his children first. And that is not good for any marriage.

In order to repair your marriage, your husband would need to see what he is doing is wrong and be willing to fix it through therapy. But if you have tried to talk with him and he is still not willing to see his own issues, then he leaves you with only two choices- either stay with him and accept his behavior or end the marriage.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5470
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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