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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3144
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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my son who is 5 1/2 was fussing this morning and crying saying

Customer Question

my son who is 5 1/2 was fussing this morning and crying saying that no one in his school wants to sit beside him. he also said one of his friends pushed him as he came to play with him thinking that he is coming to him but instead he said not you and he went played with another kid. he is feeling left out and it bothers me a lot. he is a great kid very well mannered and compassionate and feels for others. i don't want him to feel this way. i want him to be the kid who everyone wants to be with and to play with. i am not sure if he was saying this just because he was in a bad mood this morning and was seeing that everything negative or it's really happening to him. shall i ask the teacher to watch this for me? what can i do if this was true?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 4 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I think it is a wonderful idea to check in with his teacher to see what is going on.

CoachJenK :

It could be a one time experience for him or this could be happening each day where he feels left out.

CoachJenK :

touching base with his teacher will give you the reassurance that is needed about knowing what is going on and also the teacher will be able to keep an eye on things and intervene if necessar by encouraging them to all play together.

CoachJenK :

And of course you dont want him to feel bad...that makes you a loving parent.

CoachJenK :

The teacher may also be able to give you insight into whether your son is behaving in any way that needs to be addressed, but my guess is if that were the case you would have already heard from the teacher.

JACUSTOMER-fhh2fz2t- :

but i don't want him to be so sensitive . i want him to be self confident. how can i help him not to

feel bad if it happens? i don't want him to be the left out kid. he is full of life and energy , talks a lot and is so much fun so that was the last thing i expected for him is to have kids not wanting to sit beside him and play with him

JACUSTOMER-fhh2fz2t- :

what can we do as parents if the teacher confirms that this is what's happening

CoachJenK :

If his nature is to be sensitive there may not be anything you can do to change that but you can certainly provide him the reassurance he needs to feel confident in those situations such as...."I know it feels bad when the other kids act like that. You are a great kid and stand tall and proud and find the others whom you enjoy."

JACUSTOMER-fhh2fz2t- :

is it just his personality or can we do anything at this early stage of development to change course

CoachJenK :

I think it is his nature but with your encouragement he can still find his way and find the right kids who are more like him to be with.

CoachJenK :

All kids go through these feelings at some point and it may not lead to anything deeper or long standing problems. Even at this age kids begin to push others away and try to assert their power. You can encourage him to feel good about himself even while another boy may be displaying poor behavior.

CoachJenK :

do some role play with him and have him pretend to be the boy who refuses to sit with him and you respond with some new ways to respond such as that's okay that you don't want to sit with me. I like to sit over here and spend time with...

CoachJenK :

takes away the power from this other boy.

CoachJenK :

but definitely enlist the help of his teacher to ask her opinion of what is going on.

CoachJenK :

Here is a nice article on the sensitive child. http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Raising_Sensitive_Child/

CoachJenK :

embrace him for his sensitivities. He has wonderful qualities.

CoachJenK :

Are you with me?

CoachJenK :

Can I support you any further?

CoachJenK :

Let me know how else I can help.

JACUSTOMER-fhh2fz2t- :

THANKS

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. Please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work. My goal has been to provide you with excellent support. You will receive a copy of this transcript once rating is complete. I thank you in advance.

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