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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I am concerned that the man my daughter is dating for the last

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I am concerned that the man my daughter is dating for the last 3 months is a pediphile (she is 25yrs old and he is 27). My daughter and her 2 sons live with me. She is an cosmetologist and does hair every now and then to pay her bills but barely contributes to the house hold budget. I don't want to kick her out because of the boys.

The young man she is dating is intelligent, charming and will give the clothes off his back to anyone who needs it. He will spend his last dime to be the life of the party. However, he is terribly innappropriate with children. He states he grew up thinking kids need to be seen and not heard. He will inadvertantly walk by and hit my grandsons in their head for no reason (his way of playing). He has caused them pain and refused to apologize. States he doesn't do ( apologies) but with considerable pressure from myself and daughter he finally did. My youngest grandson is 4 and he has been ill. He held him for over an hour. I returned from work to see this and when he saw me staring he put him on his hip as opposed to the side of his lap. When he speaks to my grandchilden it is always to say he will take away things that he bought if they don't behave. He has started to jump in to discipline them without our permission. He even readily volunteered to hold my 4 yr old down so we can do his asthma treatment because he said he didn't want to do it. I asked my daughter and he to leave. The child sat down, I turned up the TV and he freely took his treatment. There has to be respect.

It took my daughter weeks to say she would be his girlfriend. She states he is so awkward and inept with being romantic(even kissing) she states. He is so immature and inexperienced. That was too much information for me. She stated that some horrific things happened to him when he was young but she would not share that with me.

He was over early one day (stayed the last 2 weekends on the couch) after I was up half the night and tired taking care of the kids who where ill (they had been out partying). He tried to convince me to go on back to bed because he would watch my youngest grandson who is 4 so I could go to sleep. I refused and stayed there in the room with them both. My grandson was at one end of the couch and he was lying at the other end. I asked him to get food for us. He turned from me and asked the 4 yr old what he wanted to eat as though it was the most important thing in the world to him. He then rushed over and tickled him in his lower abdomen then he went to the store. I told my grandson he was not to have anyone touch him in his personal space and also told him he is not to sit on this man's lap again. I informed him to tell him that his grandmother told him to say that. He agreed. When my grandson got dressed he put on drawstring pants and came to me to ask that I tie them. While tying, I saw my grandson sneak a glance at this man. My 6 yr old grandson does not interact with this man since he doesn't know what to expect. My daughter wants so badly to prove me wrong and after talking today she still calls him her boyfriend. She states when she sees him do something wrong she speaks with him and he changes his behavior. I have had a quasi-friendship with the young man and I feel in my spirit that he is a pediphile. I have narrowly escaped sticky situations when I was younger my uncle who was a pediphile would tickle me so much that I slept with my arms wrapped around myself.

This man will go to other people homes and be on the ground rolling around with their children. He behaves as though he is in a trance when he sees children and we have to yell to get him to come back to earth. We know very little about him.

My questions is where did he come from and what is his past. My daughter took her children and left because she said that she wishes that one day that someone will tell me where I went wrong. I stressed that I want my grandsons to be safe and maintain their innocence. I leave town in the next 2 d and I know my daughter will have this man in our home.

Am I incorrect about this? The feeling that something is wrong has hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw him holding my grandson, tickling him and it felt like he was keeping him there with him. He states that he doesn't want to have their father (very abusive/wild mood swings) to have access to those "boys" since he wants them to be with him. I am distraught, because if I say black my daughter says white. I am an RN, I have at every avenue stood up for her, called the police when a neighbor abused her, I called social services on their father, the police when he walked in my home w/o permission and my dauther was worried about their father instead of her son. I am well aware that she has issues but she will not go to see a therapist. I am very sad I was unable to speak to this man the way I wanted instead of just telling my grandsons. I plan on going back to survive yet another episode of disfunction in my family and find a life.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this situation.


 


First and foremost you are the adult and as and adult you have an obligation under the law ( in most states) to report children that are potentially in danger of abuse. This is one such case.


 


Anytime a Pedophile has access to children it is only a matter of time before there is going to be an abuse incident and it is your responsibility to act before this happens.


 


Also, most states prohibit pedophiles from having any contact with children.


 


Therefore, I would be he is in violation of a court order banning him from such contact as you describe.


 


 


So, what you need to do ( and you can do this anonymously)

Bill :

is to relate what you have written here to the local Child Protective Services.


 


Even if he is not a registered pedophile- your concerns and his behavior warrant further investigation and I would not hesitate to report this. Remember- We as adults have responsibility to protect children.


 


 

Bill :

If you need help identifying the CPS agency where you live- please let me know your Zip code and I will be happy to help in identification of the local agency to help you.


 


Kindest regards,


Bill


 


 


Please Leave Positive Rating so that I receive credit for my time

Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
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