Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private
or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming
What you report is truly sad and serious since it shows you were a victim of sexual abuse and after going through so much overwhelming pain during the first years of your marriage, what causes problems in your marital relationship, your husband chose to start developing these abusive practices-habits and pushing you to do the same, which has been obviously also overwhelmingly painful for you, specially because of your past trauma and how this abusive pattern could literally retraumatize you even more.
You are parents of two little children which also depend on your love, protection and support, and if your husband chooses to perpetuate any form of abuse, even more in this area, it is obvious he is totally dismissing even basic respect you and your children need and deserve, literally undermining your personal mental health, marital relationship and family well-being.
Panic attacks are a last resource our body and psyche use when feelings truly overwhelming by painful feelings and unable to cope. If your very spouse totally dismisses your pain and keeps his abusive behaviors, I do not truly know how you could expect this situation could improve at all. He would first need to fully acknowledge the abuse, taking full responsibility for his actions and committing to truly work on himself with professional psychological support, in order for the marriage to have a chance for healing and growth.
I am sorry, but for me as a professional it is obvious you are a victim of domestic violence, specifically of sexual abuse, and I do not see how you could be responsible for it. The fact tha
t he totally refuses to hold accountability and consider professional support shows there would be no hope for any improvement as long as he keeps such insensitive and abusive approach.
You previously mentioned counseling sessions, perhaps these happened in another country, but your first priority now is your personal and your children's well-being. If you can get local individual counseling to better cope and take care of yourself, please do so. If it is not locally available then please look for online counseling. PLus all the support you could get from family and close friends.
I totally support you. Love should never allow nor enable any form of abuse. You and your children need and deserve a healthy and fulfilling life, and to be around people
who truly respect and care about you. Please work on getting all the support you can from loved ones during this process.
Thank you for your trust.
ease feel free to contact me for any further support since I will be here willing to assist you.
Take gentle care and consistent action.
(please do not forget to rate answer in order for the chat session to be closed.Thanks).