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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My married daughter asumes that people dont treat her well

Customer Question

My married daughter asumes that people dont treat her well although she herself becomes rude and behaves unreasonably. this creates a lot of tesion for her husband and us parents. She does not believe she needs help. We need advise how to handle her and also how to treat her.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 2 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this-

Are you able to chat now?

Bill :

How long has this been a problem for your Daughter?

Customer :

this is going on before she was married. for almost 4 to 5 years but recently after getting married and after having a child who is 8 months old now. she was married 2 years ago.

Bill :

Would you say that the following is accurate way of describing how your daughter acts:

Sees people as all good or all bad and have extreme, blink-of-an-eye mood swings. Their fear of abandonment, combined with feelings of emptiness and self-loathing, makes others feel like they're constantly walking on eggshells.

Customer :

it is getting worse

Bill :

These are additional features that I am wondering if you recognize in your daughter?

Does this person:

  • Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil? Have difficulty remembering the good things about a person they're casting in the role of villain?
  • Find it impossible to recall anything negative about this person when they become the hero?
  • Alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against them?
  • Alternate between seeing situations as either disastrous or ideal?
  • Alternate between seeing themselves as either worthless or flawless?
  • Have a hard time recalling someone's love for them when they're not around?
  • Believe that others are either completely right or totally wrong?
  • Change their opinions depending upon whom they're with?
  • Alternate between idealizing people and devaluing them?
  • Remember situations very differently than other people?
  • Believe that others are responsible for their actions—or take too much responsibility for the actions of others?
  • Seem unwilling to admit to a mistake—or feel that everything that they do is a mistake?
  • Base their beliefs on feelings rather than facts?
  • Not realize the effects of their behavior on others?
Customer :

mood swings are more like every third or fourth day. she starts ok with people but it does not take long before she finds problems with them. In general she cannot handle stress.

Bill :

Read the above features- do they sound familiar?

Bill :

Please send what you have written thus far........thanks

Customer :

I will answer bullet by bullet.

- No. she talks bad about them when they get close to her but when they go away she starts missing them. Like she is always complaining about about her husband without ever recognizing her faults.but she does not want to break with him so far

- answer is no

- No

-No

- No

- All we know that when some one is not around her she misses them. She starts remembering good things about them

- No

- No

-No

- possibly yes

- No

- yes she mostly does not accepts her mistakes. Even if she does she never lea

rns from it

- yes

- yes

-

Bill :

Thanks for additional information.

From what you write and based on my experience your daughter most likely has a Personality Disorder that typically manifests itself in late adolescence or early adult hood.

This is clinically referred to as Borderline Personality Disorder

Bill :

This has to be clinically diagnosed by a mental health professional but this is my sense based on what you have written.

Hallmark features of this disorder in instability in mood, interpersonal relationships and seeing the world in black and white terms.

Customer :

What can we do. She is not ready to get professional help. In fact gets very upset when previously we mentioned it.

Bill :

I am going to attach some information about this disorder so that you can educate yourselves as this is something that does typically get worse - and you have to understanding of what you are dealing with and how to help when she is willing to get help.......which typically comes at some point in time.

Bill :

The information from these sites will help you understand this disorder and the ways you can deal with it and how to help your daughter ultimately accept the need for treatment.

Bill :

This is a disorder that is hard to treat depending on the severity of the disturbance and this can only be determined by clinical evaluation.

If she is not willing to accept treatment at this time- you cannot force it. All you can do is learn about the issues and how to respond to her.

This information should also be passed on to her husband.

Bill :

I know this is a lot of information to absorb but it is an essential first step for you in dealing with this problem.

Customer :

could this condition be by birth or is it the surrounding that creates it

Bill :

It is typically a result of genetic and environmental factors.........so it is both.

Customer :

in order to get help shall we see a doctor first ourself and what type of doctor.

Bill :

I would see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist to address this issue- It would also help her husband also.

Bill :

In what city are you- I can check for Experts in your area?

Bill :

I also recommend the book:

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder
New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells


By Randi Kreger

Customer :

we are in Jeddah Saudi Arabia. But we can take her to Toronto Canada if needed because we are canadian citizens. But her Husband is not Canadian. They were planning to apply for his immigration

Bill :

The following are Experts in Jeddah:

Mental Health Counselors/Therapists

Dr. Ibtessam Dakhatani, Clinical Psychologist
Adult and Child Counseling
Phone: 682-0022 x 539

Dr. Mona Sawaf, Psychiatrist
Counseling of Women, Families, and Children
Phone: (966-2) 663-4396 / 667-0484

Dr. Nazly Daula, Psychiatrist
International Medical Center
Phone: (966-2) 650-9000

Dr. Ibrahim Turkistani, Psychiatrist|
International Medical Center
Phone: (966-2) 650-9000

Bill :

The above link has a list of a number of Experts that work with this Disorder. I would suggest you start in where you are now........but the choice is up to you.

Bill :

The important thing is to become educated and know that there are Experts that understand this and can help.

I trust that this will help you in helping your daughter and wish you the very best.

Kindest regards, Bill

S

Bill :

Should you have further questions for me, feel free to ask as I am happy to help.


I appreciate your POSITIVE RATING SO THAT I RECEIVE CREDIT FOR MY TIME

Thank You.

Bill :

You will have a complete copy of this chat in email with links for further review-

Bill :

Is there anything else I can do before signing out of this chat? As I said, you can follow up with questions at no additional cost????

Expert:  Bill replied 2 years ago.
Hi- If you have additional questions related to this issue, please ask.


Otherwise, I appreciate your positive rating so that I receive credit for my time in helping you.

Thank you,

Bill

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Bill
Bill
Psychotherapist, Consultant, Expert Wit.
3648 Satisfied Customers
35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's