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Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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My husband and I have been together for 11 years. We have 2

Customer Question

My husband and I have been together for 11 years. We have 2 boys, ages 6 and 8. He's a great father and really, a great husband ( I thought, anyway) Long story short. He looks at porn he always has and I've been okay with it because I look at porn sometimes too. Last month I saw on the search engine "teen tits" and clicked on it of course I saw everything he's been viewing. I talked to him about it and I get the fetish but told him it freaked me out and to please stop. He said he would. Last week I'm on the computer and find a file where he's taking these teen images from the internet and putting them in this file. I'm not talking 20 year old girls made to look 15 but real 15 yr. olds taking self shots in the mirror. He says he didn't even think of that, he just types in what he wants to see then flips through. I don't think he's a danger to society but I'm still disgusted and so upset about this. I don't know if I can ever see him the same again. I do believe he's sorry. Not really sorry about looking at teen porn but sorry that they're real 15 yr. olds and sorry he hurt me. He wants to try counseling but I can't even look at him. Not only that, but I'm also worried about the legal ramifications of this. He has child porn on his computer. I expect the feds here any time and his 'i just didn't think of it that way' answer isn't going to cut it. What do we do from here?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 2 years ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about this issue- which is an ever increasing problem in today society with people having access to this type of pornography on the internet.


 


 

Bill :

You are correct that downloading child or adolescent pornography is a Federal Crime as follows:


 


In the 1990s, lawmakers twice passed legislation targeting child porn online. The first was the Child


Pornography Prevention Act (CPPA) of 1996, designed both to close loopholes in existing federal child pornography law and address new technological issues by the following:



  • Criminalizing the act of knowingly possessing, selling, receiving, sending, or transmitting child pornography via the internet or e-mail.

  • Criminalizing so-called “virtual” depictions of child pornography, those that appear to involve minors and those created by computer graphics software.


The Protection of Children from Sexual Predators Act of 1998 contains further anti-child porn provisions.

Bill :

The best thing to do at this point is to get help and if your husband is willing to do so, that is a good sign.


 


This would involve seeing a therapist who specializes in issues related to sexual acting out and pornography addiction.


 


Detail on this can be found here:


 


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction


 


 


If you send me your Zip Code- I will be happy to check for qualified Experts who can help you with this.


 


 

Bill :

Additionally, you may want to seek legal advise about this from one of the Justanswer Legal Experts where you can get a botXXXXX XXXXXne idea of the potential legal issues.



I will say that these issues are so rampant that the likelihood of the Fed's showing up at your door is unlikely unless your husband has been downloading an immense amount of pornography over a long period of time.


 

Bill :

I see you are in Chat- If you have additional questions for me or would like help finding a therapist in your area, please type now. Thanks.


Customer:

49201. I have so many questions I don't know where to start


 

Customer:

I've read that teen porn is the most downloaded porn. Most men have some sort of teen fantasy but I compare it to the rape fantasy. I don't seek out video's of women being raped. I don't want to be raped but I sometimes fantasize about it.


 

Customer:

Is this comparable?

Bill :

I understand and this is going to take some time and that his why you need help from an Expert.


 


Hold just a second and I will check resources in your community.


 


I will respond to your other question in a second.


 

Bill :

The following link will provide the listings of Experts that deal with Sex related issues. I would select someone in Ann Arbor as this is probably closest to you and with the U of M you get good quality - All are capable of helping with these issues.


 


The other question regarding teenage porn- you are most likely correct about the statistics of men being attracted to this population.


 


Fantasies about rape are common and have to deal with desire to be controlled and dominated- albeit

Bill :

most often - a fantasy and not a desire to be raped as is typically thought of.


 


Here is the link for the Experts in Michigan- Ann Arbor is at the top:


 


http://www.aasect.org/results.asp?state=MI

Customer:

I don't see a link

Customer:

never mind. i see it


 

Bill :

Make and appointment as soon as possible.


 

Customer:

thank you


 

Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
Bill and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

How much of an obligation do I have to turn him in? It's not horrible child porn (that sounds so stupid) but I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not 9 yr old's. Is it all the same anyway? Am I just one of those stupid women making excuses because it makes me feel better?

Expert:  Bill replied 2 years ago.
Unless you feel he is a threat to children (sexual perpetrator) you have no obligation.

If you believe he is a threat to children- You have an obligation to protect children and contact Child Protective Services.

Best, Bill

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Bill
Bill
Psychotherapist, Consultant, Expert Wit.
3648 Satisfied Customers
35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's