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Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience:  Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
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Customer Question

What does it mean when my girlfriend says I think we should take a break? And that I'm not sure if I love you still. As well as I need to sort some things out in my head you should probably do the same.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
Is there any triggering event that made her feel this way?
Is there a specific question I can assist you with?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well yea she told me that she feels like we are drifting away and that she feels that the love isn't there from both of us. But I was confused because I love her to death I want to mary her. I think what might of triggered this was two weeks ago we had an argument about this silly lemonade. She made this little thing into a big thing. She told me that day that she hated how she made small things into big deals,and that she feels that I could do better because she always treated me like this. So with this I told her that its okay nobody perfect but I still love her to death. And i thought that to myself well thats that . Then a few days ago we went to the gym and we were leaving and she was doing reps on a machine when I told her your doing it wrong your not doing right because if you were you would be adding more weight. She got mad at that and i didn't known why later on when we got home I made it up to her and cooked for her at first she didn't want it but then she ate it and said I love however this time when I told her do you forgive me she said no I want you to prove it to me. So we talked about it and that's when I left home and she texted me and said I think we should take a break I don't want to date other people or sleep with other people I just need time to sort things out in my head,Maybey you should to. And since then she has contacted me twice we texted for a little she told that she was worried about me and that she cares about me but NOT that she misses me or loves me. Then later in the night I texted her asking If she wanted to go for a walk with the dog tomorrow. she told me that won't be a good idea and that she wanted to sit and talk with me one day just not yet. However she kept asking me question about me like how am I doing? How's job hunting going?etc i answered them and she kept replying to them like this I'm glad things are working out for you. And I'm sure things will work out for you. And the messeges felt distant. Until i told her what i have learned so far beign apart and she told me thats good i see change in you, and im glad you know your mistakes now. So now that I have told you all of this my question is does she still love me /want to be with me?? And what do I need to do for her to see that I am a changed person now that will treat her right.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I had to be away from computer all day due to other duties.

Do you have any update?
It sounds like your girlfriend has felt there was some issue in your relationship as she said she felt like you are drifting away.
I wonder if she has felt you have argued a lot lately and she felt you don't love her as much as you used to. Or she may have been annoyed by your criticism as she got mad at you when you spoke to her about her wrong use of the machine etc.
Perhaps, she may be vulnerable to any criticism from you.
What do you think?
I can imagine she'll forgive you for that.
You may find out whether she still love you and wants to be with you after you give her some space for a week or so.




Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well I actually have an update today has been a week since are break. And she has actually contacted me and had asked me questions about me. I have kept it to mostly small talk. But I asked her the question what have you been up to? And she replied by simply saying nothing just been going to school and doing homework... Don't really have time for anything else. I simply replied with o okay and just kept making small talk.
My question is what does this comment mean ???
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for the update.
So, she has contacted you and asked you questions about you.
I think she still wants connection with you or she wants to know how you are doing.
Her comments indicates nothing is happening in her life now and she still is unsure of what she wants to do with your relationship right now.
However, she still wants to talk to you. So, she may just need time to process her feelings and think of her needs and wants in your relationship.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So in other words she needs more time??
Update: we have been texting all day today and it seems good she has even started adding little happy faces in her text. I have a few questions I am wondering if I should wait for her to tell me she wants to talk or should I ask her that if we should talk. Also how should I start the conversation so I don't just attack her heart right away I want to kind of ease into it.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for your reply.
Okay.
You have been texting all day.
She seems to be feeling better as she added happy faces.
You can tell her that you want to talk to her when she wants.
It sounds like you told her you wanted to resolve any issue in your relationship.
Perhaps, you can tell her those words again when you start conversation with her.
It appears she was not happy about your recent arguments.
Then, you may tell her that you will listen to her thoughts more from now on when you don't agree on things.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Oo okay we'll today she hasn't texted me at all. However last night when I was texting her I actually ended up ending the conversation is that good ??? Also I am wondering if I should ask her if she wants to see a movie tomorrow with me, however I don't know how to ask her with out seeming desperate or clingy. Also I don't know if she is ready to talk and I don't want to make her feel pressured.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for your reply.
Any update?
It sounds like she is still unsure of what to do with you next.
Of course, you can ask her to see a movie tomorrow.
She may think that you want to see her.
I think it's okay. She already knows she wanted to see her anyway.
You may tell her that it would be fun for you two to go watch a movie.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Update: I texted her today and replyed to me with a happy face. So I though that she was in a good mood so we continued texting and I asked her if she had any plans for today. And she said that she was going to the movies with her cousins. So I told her o okay the reason I was asking was because I though you might wanna go to the movies with me. However you have plans already. And I though that's she might ask if I wanted to come. Sadly she just said. Yeaa sorry. What does this mean ?? After that I replyed yea I'm sure we can go to the movies some other time. And she replyed Maybey. I don't know what that means ?? Is she still unsure and when should I ask her again I she wants to hang out ???
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Thanks for the update.
Will be back with my answer.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Oo ok please hurry.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.
It sounds like she wants to go to the movies with her cousins that she has not seen much lately.
I understand you wanted to see her and spend time with her soon as you've been waiting for her for a week.
Remember she still likes you and just need some time off now.
She texted you a happy face. She is still communicating with you.
So, don't give up and don't lose temper...
She just needs some time to figure it out, be herself and relax again.
Perhaps, she may be going through some stress about herself.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeaa she is still communicating with however she doesn't ask me any question like what are you doing? Or what have you been up to ?? I am the one who brings it up. And she sees her cousins almost every week on Saturday and Sundays mostly. Update: yesterday I asked if her mom and dad knows about us and what had happend. And she said yes however he told every one. I didn't know how to take this wether she is telling them because she feels like we're not getting back toghter. Or because she just told them because they simply asked because we were always toghter when they saw us. Also I am wondering when would be the best time to sit down and talk about this like adults. I feel as though her feelings might be a little raw still. What should I do ??? Also what stress could she possibly have ??
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for the update.
If she is close to her parents, she would tell them what had happened.
You can tell her that you are ready to meet and talk to her now.
She may tell you if she wants to talk to you (she is ready to talk to you in person). You may have to accept her answer if she isn't ready to talk to you. You can communicate your feelings and request with her any time. If she doesn't want to, you just have to wait.
I am not sure of what may be contributing to her current feelings.
In general, a relationship may work best when two of you are happy about your own life.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Update: today has been a really emotional day so she is pretty much enjoying life not feeling one bit sad. She even reactivated her Facebook page to update her statutes from in a relationship to single now. As well as adding a new photo of her self and deleting all of our photos. Then when I tryed to talk to her about I called her texted her and she just picked up the phone and hanged up. And for text I tell her that we need to talk and she says what about ?? Like if nothing is wrong i don't know what to feel right now. I feel a bunch of things please help.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there
Any update?
I had to be offline all day.
I"ll be back with my answer later today.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes I have added an update above.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
ok
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So what do you think ???
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.

Hi there, Thank you for waiting. I was away from computer due to other duties. I read the update.

 

So, she changed her status to single on Facebook. She also deleted your photos. She then responded "what about?" when you texted her and asked if you could talk. Okay. So, it's becoming clear that she doesn't want to get back together now. I can't tell whether she may change her mind later. Right now she doesn't want to get back to you. I know this is very challenging for you to accept her situation as you still have feelings for her. Perhaps, you may have to take some time off from contacting her until she contacts you again. It appears she may not change her mind overnight.

 

 

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes unfortunately I love her to death. And I feel like she is really hurt ??? Is she ?? What should I do if I want to get her back ??? Also what should I do if she does contact me ?? Update:her cousins are posting pictures up like crazy how there going out with her and having all this family time. I feel like there rubbing it in my face. How should I take this ???
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

Do you think you might have hurt her emotionally for past months?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes I do feel like i hurt her emotionally in these past months. However what do you make of everything else?
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for your reply.
If you lover her and want to get back together, you may have to communicate your love and care for her in ways she doesn't feel your love is genuine and not selfish.

If she is having a good time with her family, you shouldn't feel bad about it. Everyone may need good family time sometimes.
You also need family time. Right?

It sounds like she may be enjoying time with her family now.
That doesn't mean she forgets you.
I hope you stay strong and positive.
Things may change better later.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm which ways can I show that my love is genuine and not selfish. Also I would like to have family time the only problem is that my family isn't really there for me. That's why I kinda really bonded with her mom and dad,as we'll as most of her family. And I know she is using her family to hide or protect her feelings right now but could things get better with in another week or so? Also my birthday is XXXXX the end of this month I am wondering if she might be thinking about talking to me then and possibly breaking up with me? We have had a rough history with one another's birthdays over these three years it seems like something bad always happenes on those days =\
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for the update.
You stated you had a rough history with one another's birthdays for the past three years.
I wonder if you've broken up around your or her birthday in the past.
In any case, you may have to wait and see if she is contacting you again.
If she does, she may want to stay connected to you in some way.
So, there is a still a chance for you two to reconcile later.
Stay positive and maintain hope.
All the best,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
We have never ever broken up on our birthdays or even had a break this the first time this has ever happened to us. Also how could I show her that my love is not selfish?? And if she contacts me again should I ignore her because a lot of people are telling me to do that because she is obviously living life right now. And me not contacting her would make her wonder more about me,my fear is however I don't want her to think I am mad at her and that I don't want anything to do with her. Because this whole thing started because of her saying I feel distant from you. what should I do ???
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have an update don't know if you could help me ??
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
I can try and help-other expert opted out. What is your update? -I have read what you posted so far.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Oo okay. Well update as of now is that this Wednesday she contacted me again. This time however I didn't text her right away as I always do she texted me at 12:43pm and I didn't text her back until 7pm. She replied Instantaneously and we started texting she replied by saying" O didn't think you were going to reply" and I replied by saying "why not? And sorry I had a busy day" I was trying to bait her so she could ask me how my day was going and what not. And she did however when I told her that I went on a hike I though she was going to ask me, with who or why. She simply replied "O sounds fun:)" it felt a little distant. Then later in the conversation we started talking about food and how my grandma made her favorite dish which is mushrooms in adobe sauce. I told her that I know how to make them and we were texting a little flirty. I asked her should i teach you how to make them. She replied by saying no you should make them for me:). And then we kept texting and I made her laugh a bunch of times, in the text she was telling me how she hadn't laughed that hard in a while and she was putting blushing face and everything. I ended the conversation early because I sensed it was getting awkward. I told her ill talk to her later and good night. She has been replying usually by just saying night. But this time she said Oo okay do you have work? And okay good night and talk to you later. I then replied by saying Maybey. And she called me a tease =P. it felt as though we were making some baby steps. It's feels as though we were talking for the first time. Is it possible that she wants to start over again but doesn't want to talk about the past anymore ?? Also today her cousin is again posting pictures of them however again she doesn't seems happy. Is she waiting for me to text her?? Or should I be waiting for her ?? PLEASE HELP!!!
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Hello, thanks for your reply. You sound a bit hopeful following the interaction texting her. I think it is wise of you to be doing things you enjoy, such as hiking. It sounds like she enjoyed your conversation, but it is unclear what her intentions or plans are. The best you can do is continue to give her the space- yes wait for her to initiate the contact. It's ok to not reply to her right away like you did- then you seem less desperate- like you are confident and no dependent on her. You doing what you enjoy, taking care of yourself, and being with friends and family who support you is what you may want to continue to focus on. I'd be careful of getting your hopes up too much- it's all speculation and guesses. I know it is very difficult, excruciating is more like it! I imagine she misses the time together, remembers the good stuff you have shared, but sounds like she needs the time to continue to sort this out. I don't think you did anything wrong- she's in a place where she's evaluating herself, her life. You said she didn't look happy in pictures- she needs time to figure things out. Give her the time and space to do that. Allow her to continue to initiate the contact. You living your life, vs. being home crying, is more attractive to her. Yes- maybe consider them baby steps, like you said.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Is it strange if she only contacts me on Wednesdays? And you said you read the whole conversation. So one of my girlfriends that I have who knows my girlfriend all most as good as I do told me to text her on Monday just to start it a friendly conversation and possibly ask her for alittle lunch date. Because I am actually employed now, that was a big thing in are relationship I was always sad because I was unemployed and she was always supportive of me. But I think me being needy and clingy to her made me look very unattractive to her I feel confident now because I have a job and feel like a completely different person I feel like i have learned so much. I can see clearly the mistakes I made in the relationship I only she can give a chance to show her my 180 turnaround.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
It sounds like you are doing a good job improving yourself, bettering yourself to be a stronger more confident person. That's great- it sounds like you have learned a lot. As hard as it has been, good things can come out of this- make you a stronger person for sure. Yes feeling, acting, and being confident is more attractive. When we are too needy the partner may feel suffocated. She will see you doing more for you- knowing you are really trying vs. just waiting for her to change. It does take two. Congrats on the job. You will be happier with more in your life for you vs. too much focus on her. It's okay to ask her for a lunch date- if she says no- it's okay- you won't know unless you ask. Nice job on the changes you are making.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you =) that means a lot. I have seen her pictures and it seems like she is having alot family time. And as they told me before that could be a good thing for her to sort things out. You mentioned that she might feel suffocated,funny thing about that is that a lot of people have told me that she felt suffocated. Before when we were hanging out all the time she would some times hang out with her best friend. But she stopped contacting her about 2 months ago. She just recently started talking to her again and she actually did the same thing to her last boyfriend that my girlfriend is doing to me. Could she of possibly of gotten the idea from her? Also she hanged out with her guy friend yesterday I know him,i have let her hang out with him a couple of times. But yesterday she posted on Facebook that there is never a dull moment with. This comment through me into a frenzy. The guy has a girl friend I think but something in my gut is telling me other wise. Also I want to ask because then I know where I stand.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Yes, after you have given her some time- talk to her more about all of this. It's scary not knowing for sure where her head is at. Relationships are so complicated and the rules keep changing. There are no "rules" but it sometimes is more like a game- when we talk about "playing hard to get", not appearing desperate, not suffocating. It's unfortunate that it's so difficult to be really honest. Hopeful you will get that opportunity to share honestly with her. Sometimes- lots of times- we need to trust our gut- it's there to protect you- to be careful and cautious. Her getting the idea from someone- maybe part of the process as she sorts this out. Again all guesses- that's what makes is so hard. Hang in there with this. Continue to concentrate on those great changes you are making. Just watch you will get stronger and might be the one to move on??
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I feel as though she doesn't want to talk about it anymore , but instead just move on like this. I think she fears confrontation. Is that possible ? I have asked my self some very important questions on this break. Question like do I want to be with her? And what made us work? What are her deal breakers?etc I ultimately decided that I don't have to be with her but I instead I want to be with her. I don't want to move on because I know I have found my soul mate, she just needs this time for her self because I was very unsupportive emotionally. I wanna rebuild this relationship out of bricks instead of straw like we did before.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Your attitude sounds optimistic, and more confident. Especially when you say "I don't have to be with her but want to be with her". Relationships are much stronger when each individual maintains some individuality. She may be finding her "old self" again too- that can help her work through this. I think confrontation is very hard for most people. We also do not want to hurt someone's feelings- especially someone we care so much about. All the questions you ask yourself are all important. Taking this crisis in your life as an opportunity to strengthen yourself is an excellent use of time- you sound like you are on the right track. If she's your soul mate, have trust, have, faith, hope for the best. But do continue to live your life to it's fullest. Happiness has to come from within- the relationship is the bonus- "cherry on top". I like that- build the relationship out of bricks- you do that by becoming a stronger individual. She needs time for herself- keep yourself busy- do those things you enjoy.

I need to head off line. I hope things work out great for you

If you'd be so kind to rate my answer ok or above for me to get credit. Even after you accept the answer you can continue to post updates here.

Thank you- take the best care of you!!Smile
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ok sure can do if you don't mind I would wanna post an update on Monday. Hopefully you can help me out then and tell me how things are going.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
yes- sounds like a plan- thanks for the accept!!
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Hello, would you please rate my answer ok or above so I can get credit. I will look for your update Monday. Have a good Sunday.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Update:my girlfriend actually contacted me and hour after I was done talking with you. She texted saying she was boared however it's nice that she is considering even texting me. We texted for alittle last night and I ended the conversation a little early so she could kinda want to talk se more later. We even started flirting a little at the end she went with it and even put little blushing faces. I told her if you want text me tomorrow. And sure enough she did, I am alittle confused right now because what does this mean?? Does it mean that she is starting to see a little bit more clearly on what she wants or is she finally making her small baby steps to contact me?? Also I am keeping the conversation light and fun is this a good thing???
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Must have been a pleasant surprise that she contacted you. She was thinking about you obviously. Sounds like baby steps so you still need to be cautious- mostly allowing her to initiate the contact- she may be seeing your stronger already!! Try not to read too much into it- but enjoy the interaction for what it is- interaction/flirting. It's to be expected that you would be confused- it's the back and forth- she's also confused. Yes see them as baby steps- continue to observe, take note of her- allow her to take the lead. Yes I think keeping it light and fun is a good idea. That gives her the space to think/work through this. If you are too "heavy" on stuff she may not initiate the contact- you must feel safe to her right now- that she is contacting you-that's good.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Oo okay she actually still doesn't know that I have a job now I wanted to save the news for when if we have lunch. I am starting to feel a little nervous about asking her tomorrow,I don't want to be to be pushy. And I sent her a text just now however she hasn't replyed back idk if I was to pushy or made her feel uncomfortable.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Of course you are anxious- you want to do just the "right thing" but it's hard, cuz we don't always know what is the "right thing"- you are doing the best you can, considering not knowing exactly what is going on in her head. Enjoy if she agrees to lunch- if not- she may have something going on, and you have to move on- and continue doing as you have been doing. If she says she can not do lunch- don't assume it's because she's "not into you"- it, again, is more where she's at, figuring all this out. It is difficult all this waiting and wondering- but that's the best you can do right now. Hang in there- I'm sure you are excited and anxious all at the same time. Remember to take good care of yourself still- doing things you enjoy, things to make you stronger. The job is a great piece of that!! How could she not be glad about the job right! Good luck on your proposal for lunch.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you I shall give you an update tomorrow. And I'll let you know what she said.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
ok- please rate my answer- I don't get credit/paid unless you rate me okay or higher. Even after you accept/rate you can still update- Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Update: we were texting most of yesterday. She unfortunately ended the conversation really unexpected I felt like she gave a distant answer. However in the morning she texted me an said,Sorry for cutting you off last night I wasnt feeling good and I was tired :\". To this I replied Oo it's okay I thought you were just tired because you had school today. We have been texting each other now for 3 straight days. I am not getting comfy or anything because I know she can cut off communication at any moment. And that would just drive me crazy if I got comfy. My question to you is, is this a good sign? Also before I forget I didn't ask her for lunch personally because I feel she isn't ready. Because yesterday we were texting about how I went to chick fil A but was sadden because I forgot they were closed on Sundays. She then told me Oo there is one by my school did I ever tell you that? I replied by saying yes you did we should carpool one of these days and get some grub. =) she simply replied Yeaa one day. =) I don't know if she still feels distant or what ??? Would you mind shedding some light on this. Please and thank you.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
It's a good sign that the two of you continue to be in contact- she wants to be in contact- I don't get the impression she is rejecting you. She may really be appreciating the time and space you are giving her. It think it was wise to hold of on the lunch invite. Continue to trust your gut, pulling back when you sense you need to, allowing her to initiate the contact. She is sometimes vague in her responses and this makes you fill in the blanks, speculate, try to make sense out of it. Unless she's telling you specifically how she is feeling and where she's at with you- it will continue to be a guess- that's where the confusion comes in. Not so sure I can shed light- other than encourage you to be patient, put energy into you, your life, and contact from her can be considered a bonus. You can not predict at this point what the future holds for the two of you- I know that's hard-
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeaa it's pretty hard not knowing when we are getting back toghter. As I said before I have faith that she the "one" for me. And I think she is possibly realizing that as well. I am considering sending her flowers to her house in a week or so because her midterms are coming up and I know she stress out about them, nothing romantic or anything just something friendly. On the card I might say something like Hey, hope this makes your midterms go smoother, and puts a smile on your face =) -Frank I haven't finalized what I would say but I don't want to vomit my feelings And love for her because I don't want to chace her away. Also update we texted the whole day today and I ended the conversation making me look like I have some mystery. And I know that's going to drive her crazy in a good way. She said she might talk to me tomorrow during her breaks at school. Is this a good sign ??? My fear is that she gets comfortable and possibly put me in the "friend zone".
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
As difficult as it is, continue to do as you have been, giving her that space she has asked for, being "cool", patient, and doing it with a smile.Cool Most important is to take good care of your self, strengthen yourself to be all you want to be. As difficult as it is- not sure what else you can do. I wish you the best in all of this. I've enjoyed chatting with you, hope it has helped a bit.

Please accept/rate my answer. We can chat again if you'd like by starting a new question. If you'd like to request a chat with me, start your question with "for Jean N/20pluscounts.

One doesn't know what the future holds, but we can work hard in our life to make it the best it can be. Attitude and persistence in life eventually pays off.

Thank you for your time on Just Answer.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Update: She just texted me today but she texted me this message. That said hey I know this is random but is is weired that I miss having sex with you ??? What does this mean?
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Yikes huh?? I guess she is "longing" for you, misses you- still attracted to you. This can really confuse things so tread carefully to protect yourself from more hurt. Allowing her the space and time seems to be resulting in her missing you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
What were to happen if she were to come over and we had sex, as much I would love that I feel like that would just make things more complicated. Should I just simply send her home ?? I don't want her to feel like I don't find her attractive anymore.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
That's a big step going right into being intimate when you have been separated. I think it will only complicate things. You certainly can tell her you care about her, are attracted to her, but don't want to cause additional confusion. Do something less intimate together- enjoy each other's company. You also do not want to feel "used" in being intimate, hurt more if it doesn't turn into getting back together.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes she just texted me back saying I really really wanna go over but I don't want to hurt you once I had to leave. So I think we might be on the same page about this ??? Is she thinking about me more is this why she brought up sex?
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
I'd say she's thinking about you. Would you please accept and rate my answer ok or higher so I can get credited for my time- before the question closes and I will not be compensated. I'd appreciate that- please request me for future questions.
Jean
Jean, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 433
Experience: Masters degree in counseling, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Jean and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Oo okay. And she is sending me some strange messages now she is telling me that, I deserve to be happy with a special person, and that I need to go out and find that person. And I simply replied I have found that person. She says I hope it isn't me. I haven't replied but what does this mean. And I have rated you already I don't know if it has gone through yet though. =\
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
I think you may have thought you rated me but you didn't- sorry for the confusion. You paid a deposit but need to accept/rate answer in order for me to get credited.

I think her message is more of an indication how confused she is- the back and forth, that's why it's really important for you to tread carefully. Continue to do as you have been. It's hard being patient. It is true though- you deserve to be happy with someone special. You seem like a kind and caring person- it's her loss right? She may also be feeling bad about how she is treating you- it being unfair to think that you should just wait, and then wait some more when you are not sure where she's truly at with all of this.
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
I'm sorry- yes I see you rated and accepted. Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I haven't replied back to her text message yet because i am not sure on what to say. What would you recommend. I have enjoyed talking to her these past few days. I didn't want stuff to get strange like this. Would getting Intimate with her really confuse her even more ??? I want to be happy but I want to be happy with her I know she is my one and only, I think she just feels she isn't good enough for me i don't know why ?
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
It's difficult to know what is the "best" thing to do- but best to air on the side of caution. I think is really good that you are taking the time to think before you text. It's a tough call- trust your gut- spend time with her- watch, observe, see how it goes- can let her do most of the talking- with you being a good listener or observer. Getting together does not necessarily mean it needs to get that intimate- but if you go for it- enjoy that special time with her!!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well I replied back to her message I feel like I put the stupidest thing ever though, because she is not replying back to it. I feel as though we are going to go back to not contacting each other for a while. Well at least I feel like that's probably something she wants to do. Because she just had needs that needed to be met, however I told her that I could fulfill those needs but that I still have feelings for her. I think I just got overwhelmed by this and messed everything up. =(
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
Don't be too hard on yourself!!! It's a very difficult situation with many uncertainties- that makes one really anxious. Careful not to jumped to conclusions or think the worst will happen. I'm sure you got overwhelmed, excited, hopeful etc- of course any one would with what she said to you about wanting to get intimate. It's important for you to have the support you need during this difficult and confusing time. Hang in there!!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes your right. Update so after I though I ruined everything last night she actually came over. We talked for 5 min and then we got Intimate and it was going well but I could perform the same way I use to. Ultimately we both did not finish. However she grabbed me we started kissing very passionately. After the kissing I thought it was going to get awkward and she was going to say well I have to go. But no we started talking, we talked for 3 hours. We started talking about light stuff and what not then we slowly started getting into heavier stuff. She was very interested in what I was doing. And when I told her how different I see the world and everything that I have learned from this. She even told me Yeaaa I can see your smiling a lot more, I saw her shed a few tears. I didn't say anything about it because I didn't want to make the situation strange or anything. However she showed me some stuff on her phone and I noticed how every picture of ours she deleted. What does this mean??? And she was also telling me how her cousins are trying tell to meet new people and what not. However and the end of the night I walked her out and she gave me this big long hug an she said I'm glad that your doing better. And I said Yeaa me too. She said I guess. Also she has agreed to go to lunch with me on Friday. Nothing romantic just friendly. What does all of this mean ???
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
It certainly sounds like she has feelings for you. She can have feelings for you but continue to be confused. This may take a lot of strength and courage for her to take a big step to separate, think things over, wanting to make some sort of change. This situation may make the two of you that much stronger. Two confident and grounded people make a better foundation for a longer lasting relationship. It's still difficult to tell since she does give you mixed messages. Sometimes giving you the impression she wants to be in a relationship, while other times indicating her uncertainty. She is seeing the noticeable changes in you- see all your hard work and patience is paying off. Enjoy your lunch together, like you said "friendly". This time together gives you a chance to get to know each other better, spending quality time together, without pressure, or big expectations.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes your right because she is giving me a lot of mixed signals. I'm just confused in why she would delete all of her pictures of us on her phone??? Also she was telling me how her cousins are trying to hook her up with people and what not. And your right I'm just me again the guy she fell for 3.5 years ago. She said that she had always loved how I smiled, and that my voice always soothes her And makes her feel safe. I haven't told her about my job I'm pooping the surprise on Friday by treating her to a long and well deserved lunch. I don't know if me having a job will make me look more responsible and attractive to her. I sure hope so.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello I have an update don't know if you could possibly help ???
Expert:  Jean replied 2 years ago.
This question has closed- you could start a new question- start your question with "for Jean N/20pluscounts" with question following. We then could engage in a live chat if you'd like.

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