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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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the past week or so has been a mental struggle. i keep getting

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the past week or so has been a mental struggle. i keep getting pulled back and forth between letting go or to keep trying.been in "no contact" for about 45 days (broken up for about 2 months)recent text messages to re-connect[9/20] me – “hey. im taking a risk here, sticking my neck out…i had to cut off contact. i didnt know what else to do when the second girl i’ve ever fell in love with didnt want anything to do with me anymore. i truly wanted to provide you with what you never had. i just want you to know that. hope you are having a great night.[9/21] her – (next morning) “sorry, generally when people cut me out of their lives i dont just let them change their minds randomly.”[9/21] me – (few hours later) “like i said, i took a risk reaching out to you not knowing how you feel or what your situation is. my mind never changed. have a good weekend.”[9/21] so i was out with friends and saw my ex last night when walking around downtown where all the bars/clubs are. She was with a girlfriend and a dude. We were walking in opposite directions, same sidewalk. saw her from a distance and I made eye contact when we got closer and same with her. she covered her face as we passed each other. I just resumed talking to my friend. btw i was looking good, per usual :)she tweeted these also:[9/23] “Being able to look forward to snuggling with a guy is so refreshing. Though I would prefer it be a puppy waiting to snuggle…”[9/24]: “my current is so much more attractive than my ex, which is a marker of a job well done.” (she deleted this one probably within an hour from posting)i just at my wits here and don't know why she is trying to hurt me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,
I had to read between the lines a bit. What I gathered is that she more or less dropped you, told you that she didn't want to have anything to do with you, and so you took the "hint" and disappeared from her life for 45 days.
You never had closure because of the abrupt termination of your relationship, and so you swallowed your price, took a chance at rejection and contacted her.
She did not meet you with open arms, but rather received you scornfully, meeting your worst expectations.
You then gave her some information about seeing your ex, perhaps to tell her that you weren't interested in her, but her response was that she had someone better, and gloated over it (and later removed it).
She seems unsettled and immature, but also has made is clear that she is not interested in getting back with you, although she may still be thinking about it. This new romance of hers, if there is one, isn't going anywhere.
I think that you might serve yourself well by asking her if she wants to go out with you and see what she says. If she says no, then ask his if she wants you to leave her alone and stop calling her. Tell her that if she says yes then you will respect her wishes and never call again. Put the decision in her court. If she says yes, then you have closure and you can move on with your life.
This way you will know that you have tried. You will have invited her to try to resume the relationship, or at least take the first step. She either will agree to try at least a date, or will turn you down, thus shutting the door completely on your relationship. It seems she already has, but this is the way to find out for sure.
I believe this is the best plan of action for you, and, whatever the outcome, I believe it is the best approach.
I wish you great success in either resuming your relationship, or finding closure, if you can not get the relationship going again.
I wish you strength, wisdom, and perseverance.
Warm regards,
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
i think you are mis-interpreting what i said..."You then gave her some information about seeing your ex, perhaps to tell her that you weren't interested in her, but her response was that she had someone better, and gloated over it (and later removed it)."she is my ex. i never said anything to her. like i mentioned, i have been in "no contact" with her. By seeing my ex, i am talking about her. I saw her out when she covered her face. not my previous ex."I think that you might serve yourself well by asking her if she wants to go out with you and see what she says. If she says no, then ask his if she wants you to leave her alone and stop calling her. Tell her that if she says yes then you will respect her wishes and never call again. Put the decision in her court. If she says yes, then you have closure and you can move on with your life."I don't understand by what you mean by "then ask his". i dont know who she is talking about/seeing so, i am confused. there are only two people i am speaking to...myself and her.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,
I am sorry I did not understand that you had spoken about your recent girlfriend when you said your ex, because the statement was part of a list of texts. I understand now that it wasn't actually a text that had been sent, but rather a comment to me. I understand now that this wasn't another former girlfriend, and that the sentence related to an actual incident that occurred on 9/21 rather than a third text that occurred on that date.
What you are saying then, is that she totally avoided you by covering her face. She could not face you. She is ashamed of her behavior and she does not have the decency to even acknowledge you. This is the behavior of a person without a great deal of strength of character.
Your texts to her were reasonable and you did take an emotional risk. She has no concern for your feelings, and perhaps she is the type of person (narcissist?) who cannot feel empathy for others.
In the other sentence that caused confusion, I made a typo, writing HIS when I meant HER. Here is the sentence, corrected:
"I think that you might serve yourself well by asking her if she wants to go out with you and see what she says. If she says no, then ask HER if she wants you to leave her alone and stop calling her. Tell her that if she says yes, do not call her again, then you will respect her wishes and never call again. Put the decision in her court. If she says yes, she does not want you to call, then you will have closure and you can move on with your life."
This woman does not give you much hope to go on, and certainly not the courtesy of kindness when speaking with you. She has a cruel streak and may not really be the woman you want to spend your life with
It seems, however, that this is a moot point, as she has dropped you in a very immature manner.
If you feel like it, you could ask her one more time if she would like to go out with you. You have nothing to lose.
As I said, giving one more try will always mean that you did your best and went the extra mile. Then, you can move forward if it doesn't work out, confident that you did you best.
Frankly, I believe you deserve someone as caring as yourself, and you will find someone wonderful if this doesn't work and you close this chapter of your life.
I wish you great success.
Warm regards,
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
The toughest thing is, there are times where I am completely fine and then there are times where I am missing the hell out of her. Now, I question myself, why do I want someone that is acting immature and trying to hurt me and make me jealous through a public forum ie twitter? I never did anything to provoke this at all...it's just the timing is that gets me wondering. Why now? It's been almost 2 months and now she wants to lash out? And her trying to avoid me on the street? Kind of ridiculous. I just don't know what she wants from me or wants me to do. I just don't get it. Which is making it that much harder.It's all just a struggle. I don't know why I am hung up still, it's been almost two months. I want to just move on but there is just a part of me that won't let me.Another thing is, I'm starting to think this whole texting thing is wishful thinking, in my situation at least. I may be tricking myself into holding on to something that isn't there. I only think like this because of what she said about me cutting her out of my life - NC being the cause of this (and lack of communication being a reason she gave for breaking up).As I read into it, the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. She did respond and she really didn't have to at all actually, so she may still care but what do I know. And her tweeting - again, she still may care since she deleted it after posting it and I mean why would someone post things like that, bragging about a new person, without an intention. It may be my ego speaking, what's left of it at least, she has around 30 followers and I am one of them and I am sure she wanted me to see that...Like I said previously, all this thinking may be wishful, my conscious trying to stroke my ego, you know? My biggest thing is, I have come pretty far with getting over rejection and I just don't want to go through that again. I'm a pretty intuitive person and I just get a feeling that she is over it and moved on just from the clues and data that I have gathered. So i guess that's what my main concern is.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Dear friend, You seem to be very intuitive. Sometimes an exchange of ideas, or just venting to a concerned person is quite therapeutic and allows you to work it out just by spelling out your concerns. She is an angry person, does not know what she wants, but seems to find release or relief from lashing out. Because you are not combative or mean-spirited, you are a safe target. She is very insecure, and perhaps was abused or abandoned as a child. She may even have some borderline personality traits and needs to have people who pay attention to her. She does not want anyone to abandon her, but she obviously cannot maintain multiple relationships. Perhaps she avoided you on the street to prevent a problem with her current boyfriend, or perhaps she is ashamed of her dishonest behavior and cannot meet your eyes without averting hers. She did not respond to you because she cares. She responded to you because you offered her another cheek to slap, and slap it she did. You are treated badly because: you are available, you are an easy and safe target, and because you are a man. She is angry and has unresolved issues from the past. You hang in there because you feel that you did something wrong and want to "undo" it, and because you haven't yet gotten over the bond you had with her. She is, basically, indifferent to you. Your best course of action is to forget about her. She is a heart-breaker, with men lining up for their share of abuse. You certainly don't want to go back on line. You have already had more than your fair share. You have so much to offer, and you need to close this chapter so that you can feel free to move on with a new one. You will find a real woman who will outshine this poor little girl, and she will fade from your memory, into indifference. I have done my best to offer you Expert guidance. I would greatly appreciate if you could reciprocate by giving me positive feedback so that JustAnswer can credit me for my time and expertise. Thank you so much. I wish you the wisdom and courage to move forward. Warm regards, ***** ***** LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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