Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
Thank you for getting back to me.
Your 9-year old nephew should definitely be talked to about this issue. Hopefully he should not get conflicting points of view from different family members, because if he does then he will learn to use the differences to sow dissent between the family members, and learn the wrong lessons.
He is old enough to learn now how to act as a decent person. He is halfway to adulthood, and has to know right from wrong, and be able to determine what is decent from what is not.
Yes, there are plenty of louts setting the wrong examples. The telly is filled with foul-mouthed men and women who are getting adoring laughter from the audiences for demeaning and degrading language, for disrespecting those who need our support and help, and instead get scorn heaped upon them.
Your nephew cannot be allowed to continue to think that saying the terrible things he said to your niece is anything more than unacceptable or even despicable, and that there must be consequences to this kind of behaviour. Consequences should not be anger, but rather loss of privileges.
This was more than natural curiosity. It was provocative, and it was taking advantage of a younger child who did
not the same power of discretion, and of right and wrong, as he did.
He doesn't need counselling, per se
, as long as he gets firm parenting. The responsibility should start there.
I'm sure that he can be guided. He did not go beyond the verbal. However he did cross the line and needs to be gently but firmly guided onto the correct side of acceptable behaviour.
I wish your family great success in getting the children in order. Your problems are not great, and fortunately can be easily corrected. This is the right time to work on these problems. Your intelligent intervention is keeping this from getting out of hand, and you will succeed.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC