How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Bill Your Own Question

Bill
Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
48585111
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Bill is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Different sex drives

Customer Question

I am 48 and have been with my husband for 16 years. I was very sexually experienced while he only had a few girlfriends before he met me.


We had a very good sex life to begin with (although he's always been a bit conservative for my taste). After having twins very quickly our sex life has quickly dwindled to a minimum. As the years passed he seemed to get less rather than more interested and we would go for years without any sex.


Any attempt at my part to spice things up over the years have failed miserably. He refused to use the vibrator I bought (we don't need that). I bought a sex swing about 10 years ago, it's still not attached to the ceiling although initially he seemed to like the idea. Anything I ask for in bed is taken as criticism of his technique that worked fine for his previous girlfriend.


Part of the problem is that although I want to make love pretty much every day, I also like to be wooed and would like him to make the first move to get me in the mood, which happens very infrequently.


While I don't want to leave my husband or have an affair I am also not ready for this geriatric lifestyle. My husband knows all this and he loves me and says he is turned on by me nothing ever changes. I would be grateful for any insights.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.

Bill :

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

Bill :

I am sorry to hear about these problems the sexual relationship with your husband.

Bill :

I am wondering after reading what you have written how you would describe your marriage outside of the sexual arena?

Customer :

We make a a really good team bringing up our children and in every other way

Bill :

That is good as it the foundation of a good relationship.

Has your husband ever been tested for low libido- low testosterone or and such medical tests to see if his has inhibited sexual desire?

Customer :

no

Customer :

I don't think he considers himself as someone with low libido

Bill :

Okay- this is going to be necessary-

Many men have low libido as a result of many issues and it is often the culprit in these types of problems. They simply have no sexual desire........and of course this is something that can be treated.

Customer :

so you think this is a medical problem?

Bill :

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Loss-of-Libido.htm

It could very well be a medical problem. This can be tested through your GP with blood tests for Testosterone level and other issues that can be detected as a result.

The link above addresses this and other reasons that contribute to loss of libido in men.

Customer :

thank you

Bill :

Another issue that you want to have checked is hypothyroidism- This can also be tested through blood profiling and is addressed here:

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Hypopituitarism.htm

This is a very common reason why men have loss of sexual desire. Until you rule out medical issues than you cannot resolve the sexual problem and this is probably why counseling was not successful.

I would suspect that there may be something going on medically-------That upon evaluation can be treated.

Bill :

Here is additional information that will help.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/loss-of-libido/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Customer :

Thank you for your help

Bill :

You are most welcome.

Kindest regards, Bill

I APPRECIATE YOUR POSITIVE RATING SO THAT I RECEIVE CREDIT FOR MY TIME

Thanks and all the best to you, your husband and children!

Bill :

you will have a complete copy of this chat in email after Rating.

Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
I trust this has helped and appreciate your positive rating if you have not already done so.

Kindly, Bill
Expert:  Bill replied 1 year ago.
Hi Suzie-

I see that you have viewed my response.

If you have additional questions, feel free to ask.

Otherwise, I appreciate your Positive Rating so that I receive credit for my time.

Kindest regards, Bill

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education