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My boyfriend of 9 months is great, loving, kind, and considerate. He is 21 which makes him 3 years younger then me and it shows in some levels of maturity and I am sure that is all this concern of mine is....He sometimes cracks jokes related to rape. I find it appalling and can not even imagine finding anything kind of joke related to that funny. He doesn't say it in a mencing way and when I call him on it he says he is sorry and doesn't actually think rape is funny...just osme jokes are. And then little things like tonight he was holding my hands interlocking fingers and I jokingly said I was not ready for that level of intimacy (interlocking fingers) and he jokingly laughed and said well you are going to enjoy it and like it while I do it (referencing sex). My question is this...is this normal? I have not dated very many guys and was wondering if this is just a young guy phase or is it something to be worried about. Also, am i crazy for asking if I should be worried when I clearly am in love with a great guy?
A couple of examples of his jokes-Once i was talking about buying some new clothes and he started joking about how he would pick out a trashy outfit for me and I said no way would you get me to where that and he said you would if I drugged you and put them on you. Then you owuld wake up and look really hot-and your legs would be a little sore too. (referring to how he would have sex with me knocked out.
-He bought a tazer for protection adn jokingly said we could use it in the bedroom to spice things up. I said that those things knock you out for 6 hours and he said "perfect"haha."
-and then he has said a couple of tylpical rape jokes that you find online.
Is this weird or is it typical for young guys?
Your boyfriend in the least has very poor taste in humor. This is possibly a sign of his personality and lacks the internal gage that says that this is inappropriate. You may be concerned since this is not something that he should be repeating. Most troubling is his continued lack of being sensitive once you have asked him to stop. He should be nurturing your feelings not joking in this crude manner. I would take into account that he has not abandoned this joking when it makes you uncomfortable. That isn't a good quality in a partner. He should always have your best interest at heart and this does not show that he cares about your feelings. I would be concerned about his joking and his reference to your sex life. You want a partner who is sensitive and caring rather than egotistical. I would consider that this relationship needs work at best and at worse is very insensitive. I would consider looking elsewhere until he matures.
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Is it weird behavior though? He has always made crude jokes about sex, etc. But I always assumed that was typical guy behavior. Do you think I should be worried about him in that he is abnormal?
No it isn't. The best way to find out if this is dangerous is to ask him why he picks this material to joke about and would he respect your feelings by not doing so. He may just have poor taste in jokes.
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What isn't? Are you saying this isn't weird behavior or it isn't typical guy behavior.
How do i know if it is a sexual fantasy? i can't just ask him...
So it doesn't mean he is "crazy" just may possibly have "weird" fantasies. He doens't say things like this very often (those three times were in the nine months we have been together.) He just will everyonce in a while crack a rape joke that i do not find funny, but apparently a large audience does. What do you think about violent jokes everyone in a while that he tells?